I have repeatedly stated, BDSM is not about the “whips and chains”. Many seem to focus upon that aspect believing that this life is centralized around tying ones up and beating them to fulfillment. Certainly, that is an aspect of things but it is not the largest part. In fact, what many call play is simply a means to an end. In other words, it is a vehicle which conveys a deeper meaning if one really searches it.
It is crucial that BDSM is a giant paradox. Those who fail to understand this central point are living under a delusion of sorts. What appears on the surface is completely opposite of what is true at the next level down. That is why so many on the “outside” have a particular view about certain things which we, within this, know to be untrue. Their lack of in-depth knowledge creates an illusion. It is from this basis that they judge what is transpiring without true understanding. This is part of the natural human condition and hard to alter. Nevertheless, once someone starts to experience what I am referring to and gain understanding about what BDSM truly offers, he or she quickly sees past the misguided viewpoints of those who do not comprehend it.
BDSM is about freedom. Ironic that a way of life that uses terms such as bondage, slavery, and obedience is about freedom but that is the case. On the surface, enslaving one is a limiting behavior. According to societal norms, it is. However, when one delves deep within herself, if truly owned, she will determine that ownership is not confining but her path to freedom, It is a liberating experience to undertake for one of this ilk. Instead of detracting from her life, it enhances. Through the dependence upon another person, she is able to forge her own internal path and grow. Within the parameters that he establishes, she is able to enhance her trust, discipline, and ability to handle responsibility. Her desire to please and serve motivates her to better herself in all areas. All subs/slaves want their owners to be proud of them. It is through the seeking of approval of one (not the masses), that one embarks upon that which is natural…to be the best person she can be.
BDSM is about growth. Those who enter this way of life seeking to fulfill some present moment need are quite common. However, those who remain in it and do what I call “living it” move past this mindset. Naturally, all of us arrive here, through whatever medium, because there is a deep-seeded craving within us. To be blunt, if we were fulfilled in the traditional realm, we would have never sought this way of life. It is only through our pain in that arena that we started looking for something different. Many of us find the answer in BDSM.
That said, for us to succeed in this sphere, as in most aspects of life, growth is a crucial element. When you understand that we seek to be more, then you are starting to grasp what this truly means. Whips and chains are simply tools. They are not the end. Focusing upon them shortchanges what is truly needed. This lowers the standard that ultimately negates a great deal of the power of BDSM.
BDSM is about honor and character. These are terms that are thrown around rather easily yet few seem to truly grasp the magnitude of what they mean. It is these concepts that tells me BDSM is about holding myself to a higher standard than society accepts. We are to grow mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and inter-personally. It is through our daily interactions, both with BDSM and “Vanilla” people, that we show what is deep within us. Are we acting in manners similar to everyone else? Do we blindly go through life causing pain wherever we go? Do we respond to people by giving back what they put out to us? Or do we hold ourselves to a higher ideal and refuse to lower ourselves to their level? Childish behavior need not be met with more childish behavior. At some point, an adult has to emerge. Taking responsibility for oneself, whether dominant or submissive, if a central tenet. All control starts with the person you are seeing in the mirror each morning.
The person I am emerges in all the decisions I make throughout the day. Where am I acting honorably in the things I do on a daily basis and where am I not? How am I behaving when nobody is watching? What thoughts pass through my mind when I am alone? Where do I allow fear to dictate what I do? Apart from subs and slaves, when it is just me, myself, and I, how do I behave? Is it more important for me to impress others or remain true to the ideals/principles I established for myself? In fact, have I truly established a belief system for myself or do I subscribe to what others implant upon me? Am I a “free” thinker in the sense that I am able to make my own decisions without depending upon the opinions and approval of others? In short, do I create my own life or have it dictated to me by outside influences, many that exist for that sole purpose?
BDSM is liberating. It allows us to cast off what society implements which we feel is restricting. Living in the real world means we do not engage in total anarchy in terms of our behavior. However, in our minds, we develop a thought process that works for us. We determine our beliefs because we question those things we were taught. That which is applicable in our lives, we keep; that which is not, is cast aside.
We do not subscribe to blind obedience. One obeys the person she CHOOSES to obey. It is a conscious choice she makes. She opts for this only after determining for herself that he is worthy of being obeyed. Compare that with society, which through establishment and position, certain institutions and people demand obedience. It is not consensual nor is it earned. We see the absurdity in this when one enters this way of life proclaiming to be dominant and then demanding respect and obedience from a sub/slave. It is rather easy to see through this when it occurs yet few expand their vision out to society at large. In my view, the absurdity is just as common. Certainly, there are times when we all have to adhere with what society says. My point is not to influence mass rebellion especially by those who end up without a clue. It is, however, to make one aware of when he or she is adhering to societal norms and how it is demanded. I cannot stress enough that we live within society hence are subject to certain behaviors. BDSM people are not about throwing the way we live upon those who have no desire to see or be a part of this. That mindset is us acting like them. Again, the standard comes into play. We structure our lives as we see fit while knowing the others have freedom to do the same for themselves. Our “way” is not right, not the only path, not for all. In the end, it is the route for us.
It is through surrender that one is empowered.
It is through questioning that one finds answers.
It is through restriction that all is opened up to us.
It is only through limits that one removes limitations.
BDSM is about infinite possibilities I