Anyone who deals with relationships will mention that they require work and that both parties need to commit to making the relationship grow. Healthy relationships will grow over time as each person is working on him/herself while dedicating the proper effort to the overall interaction. Sadly, since the percentages of relationships that end up in ‘splitsville’ is high, it is obvious most people do not engage in this behavior.
BDSM adds another element to this entire process. Since there is an exchange of power to some degree, the dominant one is responsible for the direction of the relationship. Thus, the submissive lacks some of the ability to decide what areas are focused upon for growth. At the same time, depending upon the structure, i.e. M/s, he or she might be dependent upon the Master/Mistress for authorization to seek personal development. Of course, my viewpoint is that this should always be a focus of the dominant one; growth of both individuals is what a BDSM relationship is all about.
As the parties interact, they will opt to experiment with different things. It is helpful if one person is experienced so as to approach things safely. However, in situations where both are relatively new, it is important that attention be paid to things such as safety, technique, and aftercare. Over time, the interaction of their BDSM play will expand and grow. Each will become aware of the limits of the other (yes dominants have limits also) and know to stay within those confines. Their interaction becomes more natural as the knowledge between the parties grows.
Also, qualities such as trust, dependence, and openness emerge in a healthy interaction. Again, these are things which are the result of putting in effort. Many seem to think that these are overnight developments; they are not. It takes time for one to peel away some of the connotations to past events and be able to move forward. Lack of trust is a common trait of those who were harmed in the past. A true Master or Mistress will dedicate the time to providing a forum where a person can develop.
Obviously you can see there are many different areas where there are ‘basics’.There are basics in the area of psychology, scening, communication, personal development, and interpersonal skills all which have an impact upon the success or failure of a BDSM relationship. Those who are willing to concentrate attention on these areas will enjoy a greater amount of fulfillment and success.
Remember, the most important part of the term ‘BDSM relationship’ is the word relationship.