How to get into a Dom/sub or DD/lg relationships. Well as we all know there is a thousand ways to reach Rome.
And there is a millon books about this subject and as there is a million books there is a million differnt answers.
This blog is about my own expirence in bulding a fondation to achive one of the greatest feeling in the world…… A good and healthy BDSM relationship.
- Develop a strong relationship based on basic relationship principles : Trust, Respect, Communication and full honesty.
- Get to know each other and spend time setting your common goals for the Journey together.
- Fulfill each others needs because nobody is Perfect, but do your best to be Perfect to each other.
Successful Dom/sub / DD/lg relationships start with a solid relationship
Only solid relationships lead to successful dom/sub DD/lg relationships. Some of the basic tenants of a strong relationship is to develop trust, work towards win/win relationships and be able to talk about anything. You can read about some more detailed elements in this article about relationship rules by psychology today. I will expand on these a bit. But to do this understand that relationships need to support all levels Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
Strong relationships cover all levels of Maslow’s Hierarch of needs
The first level of needs is physiological needs. This includes the basic elements to survive as an animal. Interestingly this does include sex, much to the dislike of modern prudes.
The second level is safety, which allows focus onto the long term ability to have the basic needs met.
The third level is being able to belong and have love.
The fourth level is to focus back on yourself and your self-esteem.
the fifth level is self-actualization.
The reason that many people are drawn to dom/sub and DD/BG relationships is that the first three levels of the hierarchy are usually met. Well if the top is doing their job. Though honestly these three elements are pretty easy to provide. The key to longer lasting relationships is that relationships need to build self-esteem and ultimately lead to the ability for yourself to exist independently.
Unfortunately, unscrupulous daddies will take advantage of littles. They will provide the basic needs, but will treat their partners very disrespectfully. They will not help them establish self-esteem and will create relationships based on dependence instead of independence. This allows them to take advantage of their subs and this is the reason i am writing this article…
Here are some key hang ups with dom/sub relationships and ways to avoid them
- Don’t confuse sex with love. Sex satisfies a basic physiological need, but relationships need to fulfill all of the levels of These include the ability to continue to provide basic physiological needs (safety), belonging/love (which lust often feels like), building self-esteem, and the highest level which is being a able to master yourself.
- Ensure that you have a partner that you enjoy all elements of life with and not just the bedroom part. It is important that you enjoy all aspects of life with you partner.
- Be able to share your needs, and have your partner listen and understand them. If your partner is dismissive of your needs then that is a red flag.
- Trust and respect are foundational. You don’t have to know what your partner is up to all the time, but you shouldn’t have to wonder.
- Know that your are a team, helping each other fulfill their needs, wants and desires. Both of you need to be happy and gaining from your relationship (Win-Win)
- If you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk and explore, don’t assume.
- Understand your partner’s end game. You should know what their long term relationship goals are, if they don’t match yours, it isn’t time.
- Focus on your own self-esteem. It is important to fulfill the multiple roles in life, not just the one role when role playing with your partner.
- Relationships are not perfect! They take work which means talking through challenges, there will be ups and downs. It is how you recover from the downs that matter.
Once you have this covered, then it is time to play
Buidling a solid relationship is a two way street and when you reach that destination together nothing in the world feels more safe, more right, more true or more fufulling in all aspects in both of your lives.
I know this is not what some of you littles and want to be little want to hear but this is important and comes from a responsible Daddy.