There are different ways to punish unruly or misbehaving subs, when a Dominant should punish their sub and when they should be lenient.
Every BDSM relationship is different, so remember, this is my personal thoughts on punishments and offcourse it different greatly from couple to couple. culture, age, and personality all play into the way people see punishment. Below is a mixture of my view on punishment.
Punichment is where the real dynamic between the Owner and my sub come to play.
I never give punishment (usualy when im drunk) or when i feel my anger is raging inside of me….Punsihment shall be given when its do time.
Punishment is one of the most important parts of an Ownership.
1) Consequences Must Actually Be Discipline/Punishments
What I mean by that is that “funishments” do not, in fact, work; or rather, they do not have the intended effect of behavior change. The punishments should not be something that the person (or people) being punished would actually enjoy. Positive reinforcement can work, and I may get to that later– but that’s not our purpose, at the moment. If you suggest a punishment and the punishee enjoys it, then something is awry.
2) Consequences Must Be Related to the Misbehavior
If I tell you that it is wrong to hit, and show you that by hitting you, I am teaching you something different than what I’m saying. I’m saying “hitting doesn’t solve problems,” but then showing you that it– in fact– does. If, for example, the person you are punishing was told that they were to send you three outfit choices for you to pick between and they do not, a punishment of ignoring them doesn’t make sense. It’s not related to what they did directly. A punishment of a beating is not related, either. What is related, however, is anything regarding clothing and the timeliness of finishing tasks. Something along the lines of having to send the outfits (with photos) and then be forced to wear an overly revealing choice in public? That’s directly related and consequential. Furthermore, it allows the first task to still be completed.
3) Ensure You Are Consistent
You need to make sure that you consistently punish, and in similar ways (presuming those ways are effective and follow the other steps listed here). One time, you punish the sub; the other time, you do not. What are they truly learning? What they are learning is: “I may be able to push the boundaries here.” Remember, your action or inaction is teaching a lesson here. Only you can control who is in charge of that lesson. In other words, consistency is key because you should…
4) Use Actions; They Speak Louder
A speed limit sign says that the maximum speed before a penalty is 50 km/t. You know, however, from experience that you are unlikely to get a ticket until you’re going over 75 km/t . What is the actual law? It says 50, but those are just words– the ACTION (of when the consequence occurs) is what truly matters. Not only do you need to say you will punish (and how you will do that), but you need to actually do it. And consistently, as mentioned in number three.
5) Remove Your Emotions From It
Discipline is about changing behavior (or behavior patterns). It is not about vengeance or a vendetta. It is not about being upset or hurt. Surely, you may be hurt when your submissive misbehaves and/or ignores your demands, but your punishment cannot come from that place. Your goal is their self-betterment, submission, and a change in their actions. Putting emotions into it leads to being more severe, showing less restraint, or having illogical/inconsistent punishments. None of these are good. Furthermore, the bratty subs out there will get a kick out of your emotional reaction and will seek it out. You do not want to give them that attention, here.
6) Make Your Messages Clear
No matter if you’re disciplining or merely telling your submissive what your desire is, how you phrase your message is vital.
Keep your focus on the behavior.
Allways see how your sub is reacting…..tears and excuses is no signal for stopping the punishment,
Be direct and specific.
Give Direct and clear orders.
Remember to use your voice in the right manner and volum, let the orders be so specific that your sub never can misunderstand them.
7) Give Choices
When provided with options, people are far less likely to rebel (even if they are a brat). The options needn’t necessarily be wonderful, even– they just need to exist and be communicated to the person who may be punished. For example, when you get options after getting a speeding ticket, you feel you have some degree of “control.” You are aware, then, that you may pay a fine directly or go to court to fight it. Neither of these are charming notions, but you have some flexibility and ownership over the punishment.
8) Make Your Choices Logical and Limited
Imagine that you have Netflix and that you don’t return a movie on time. If they instantly charged you for another rental, it would seem unfair, wouldn’t it? Of course. So why do we do this sort of thing to our subs? We need to provide choices and let them prove themselves as capable. What does Netflix actually do in this scenario? They give you a choice. Return your movie on time, or be unable to rent another one. There is also a final, hard-limit (punishment)– after a certain number of days, they charge you for the film.
So how do implement this? You restrict the number of choices to two or three. You make the submissive responsible for his or her behavior (asking “What will you choose?” puts the onus upon them and gives them ownership). Then, if they do not comply, you follow through with your consequence/punishment.
I will post a series of example punishments should I get enough interest in seeing such a list of logical/limited choices.
9) Avoid Unclear Statements
When you tell your submissive to stand in the corner until they are ready to do x, y, or z, this is a problem. Some submissives may be “ready” to do x, y, or z right away. Some may get irritated and choose to stay there infinitely longer than you had intended. Give time limits and time-frames. “You will stand there for thirty minutes. When you hear the timer go off, we can move on.” Also, never use the word, “Okay?” at the end of your consequence. What if it’s not okay to the sub– does that mean she can choose not to do it? Of course not.
10) Give a Clean Slate
When the punishment or consequence is finished, it’s finished. Don’t lord the misbehavior over your submissive. You wouldn’t want it done to you, so why would you do it to them? Many submissives feel horrendous enough when they misbehave (as they do not like to disappoint)– if the goal is behavioral correction, reminding them of their misdeed over and over again will only cause resentment or anxiety. That is not your job, as a Dom, and that is not the goal of discipline.