BDSM is about honor and character. These are terms that are thrown around rather easily yet few seem to truly grasp the magnitude of what they mean. It is these concepts that tells me BDSM is about holding myself to a higher standard than society accepts. We are to grow mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and inter-personally. It is through our daily interactions, both with BDSM and “Vanilla” people, that we show what is deep within us. Are we acting in manners similar to everyone else? Do we blindly go through life causing pain wherever we go? Do we respond to people by giving back what they put out to us? Or do we hold ourselves to a higher ideal and refuse to lower ourselves to their level? Childish behavior need not be met with more childish behavior. At some point, an adult has to emerge. Taking responsibility for oneself, whether dominant or submissive, if a central tenet. All control starts with the person you are seeing in the mirror each morning.
The person I am emerges in all the decisions I make throughout the day. Where am I acting honorably in the things I do on a daily basis and where am I not? How am I behaving when nobody is watching? What thoughts pass through my mind when I am alone? Where do I allow fear to dictate what I do? Apart from subs and slaves, when it is just me, myself, and I, how do I behave? Is it more important for me to impress others or remain true to the ideals/principles I established for myself? In fact, have I truly established a belief system for myself or do I subscribe to what others implant upon me? Am I a “free” thinker in the sense that I am able to make my own decisions without depending upon the opinions and approval of others? In short, do I create my own life or have it dictated to me by outside influences, many that exist for that sole purpose?
BDSM is liberating. It allows us to cast off what society implements which we feel is restricting. Living in the real world means we do not engage in total anarchy in terms of our behavior. However, in our minds, we develop a thought process that works for us. We determine our beliefs because we question those things we were taught. That which is applicable in our lives, we keep; that which is not, is cast aside.
We do not subscribe to blind obedience. One obeys the person she CHOOSES to obey. It is a conscious choice she makes. She opts for this only after determining for herself that he is worthy of being obeyed. Compare that with society, which through establishment and position, certain institutions and people demand obedience. It is not consensual nor is it earned. We see the absurdity in this when one enters this way of life proclaiming to be dominant and then demanding respect and obedience from a sub/slave. It is rather easy to see through this when it occurs yet few expand their vision out to society at large. In my view, the absurdity is just as common. Certainly, there are times when we all have to adhere with what society says. My point is not to influence mass rebellion especially by those who end up without a clue. It is, however, to make one aware of when he or she is adhering to societal norms and how it is demanded. I cannot stress enough that we live within society hence are subject to certain behaviors. BDSM people are not about throwing the way we live upon those who have no desire to see or be a part of this. That mindset is us acting like them. Again, the standard comes into play. We structure our lives as we see fit while knowing the others have freedom to do the same for themselves. Our “way” is not right, not the only path, not for all. In the end, it is the route for us.
It is through enslavement that one finds freedom for herself.
It is through pain that one finds pleasure and release.
It is through surrender that one is empowered.
It is through questioning that one finds answers.
It is through dependence that one can stand on her own two feet.
It is through restriction that all is opened up to us.
It is only through limits that one removes limitations.
BDSM is about infinite possibilities.