I believe many people in the lifestyle confuse discipline and punishment. Discipline is training that corrects. It molds, empowers and enhances a person for the better. Punishment comes when there are consequences set for the submissive when she displeases me as a Dominant, breaks rules, and or misbehaves.
Discipline is a teaching relationship that goes on between me as a Dominant and my submissive. It is to mold my submissive into what I as Dominant not only wants, but feels will improve my submissive. Because if she is improved she will obviously be a better submissive and person.
To me discipline is the day-to-day structure established for my submissive by me, whose goal is to teach, guide, and mold my submissive how to live to “serve” me better and also enhance my submissive as a person. The goal of discipline is eventually self-discipline or self-regulation. As I have pointed out many times I can’t baby-sit submissives 24/7. So the rules will help her out to be a better submissive, and therefore it is crucial the rules and the respect for me as a Dominant always are followed. And these rules and my present will also help my submissive and keep her motivated purely by the wish to please and follow the rules I as a Dominant has given her.
Not only the rules but also her behavior. This will gradually but certainly mold her behavior, way of living, thinking and believing becomes self-discipline.
Discipline does not always carry with it punishment. Discipline can be as simple as a look or gesture and just saying “no, no thats not the way to behave”. Discipline is the reinforcement of behavior that makes it easier for her to understand that I am her Dominant. It is the framework where a submissive resides.
Sometimes and most often the punishment that exists separately from discipline. The two aren’t linked together, but in certain instances they coincide.
First off punishment is not to be confused with S&M play. S&M is for “enjoyment” – by definition, “play” is typically enjoyed by one or both parties. Therefore if punishments are consequences of violating rules or even worse acting or showing no respect for me as a Dominant, then punishment should be cold, direct ,to the point, and not enjoyable by my submissive. In most cases I as a Dominant don`t enjoy it either. But nothing upset me as a Dominant then rules or respect are broken.
Conversely I as a Dominant will never abuse the philosophy behind what a punishment is and what it represents. If I want to play , then I play, but I never make up something to punish my submissive.
Punishment is something my submissive should want to avoid. There are many that believe a submissive will “purposely” act out to get punished. There are several different reasons why a submissive may act out on purpose. Often times they do not know how to communicate their needs from me as her Dominant.
A punishment should clearly identify what was done wrong, what can be done to correct it, and why the infraction displeased me as a Dominant. It is very important that it is clearly identify the means in which the punishment is to be carried out, then it should be handled as soon as possible. If the punishment is too soft, it might not help my submissive learn from the infraction and might create confusion. If the punishment is too hard, my submissive might become fearful and resentful of me as a Dominant. After punishment is administered there should be absolution – forgiveness. A process of accepting the consequences and punishment of a violation and moving forward. Once a punishment is carried out, I as a Dominant should not carry it over, nor should my submissive keep kicking himself or herself in the butt. A punishment is a sense of closure for both me and my submissive and should be embraced as such.
The mindset of my submissive that is being punished goes very deep and expansive. When my submissives are being punished, it’s because she has done something wrong. That alone can be punishment for her,knowing that she has disappointed as a submissive, but when used in conjunction with an act, an implement, or whatever other means – . The totality of the punishment remains until the Dominant is satisfied to the point of absolution. Then I and my submissive can move forward.