The rules

Rules in a Bdsm relationship is important.
Beacause the rules are given to my submissive for her to understand and the rules are there to molde her, develop her, secure her and reminding both my submissive and me as a Dominant what i aspect of my submissive.
Rules are the core of a realationship and they are set to help my submissive.
So i often hear a submissive ask me “what rules are you going to give me? ” “How are you going to punish me if I break a rule?”

Well the answer at that point is , I do not know. I talk to sub all the time on Fetlife and also talking to submissives i know personally they tell me , about meeting new Dominants and the 50 rules they give, and most want the submissive to memorize everyone, and not in order. I myself find such behavior not only childish, controlling, insecure, inconsiderate , okay you get the idea.

I myself, take the time to get to know my submissive, inside and out. I want to know what she is going to say before she speaks. I want to know her thoughts, and most of all her bad habits and her ways. This is where the rules come in.

Rules are set in place to help, and to guide. I want my submissive to grow, blossom, be the best she can be. I want to motivate, through positive reinforcement.

A good submissive needs rules, it makes them feel complete, and they strive to be the best they can be.Ninety percent of the time one will only break a rule, if they feel they are not getting the attention they should be getting.

To many rules can make her feel over whelmed, confusion. Can make her feel as she is walking on eggshells , and last but not least fear.
Fear has a lot of exciting possibilities , but fear will never give you a good Submissive, it will give me a submissive who is using to much of her energy not breaking the rules, and this will prevent the submissive to grow and develop.
Therefor i have few rules for my submissive ( normally a Maximum of 10 rules)
They should be easy to follow and the rules are made for my submissive, not rules i have found on Google. The rules are very personal both for me as a Dominant and my submissive.
One of the important parts of rules are , when one is broken, punishment needs to be giving at that time, and explained why she is being punished. I am sure you get the idea. What I want to do is improve what I have, build her up, encourage her . I want my submissive to be the best she can be, in all aspects of her life.

As a responsible  owner  and Dominant I never make the mistake of not following through punishment if rules are broken, the out come is not good, once you lose that control, you will never regain it back. It is basically over at that point, we are no longer the dominant they need. This the key why rules are given to follow and they are there for my submissives best interest.

The key is  I never to lose my temper, there is no need to yell, scream, belittle , put down, humiliate, before punishing. I like to sit down, and talk about why the rule was broken, and give her the punishment I feel she deserve and afterwords and during the punishment asure that she is going to insure it will not happen again.

As for punishment, this is why I do not give out rules when I first meet someone, I want to get to know my submissive….Only then will rules develop and mould my submissive to the submissive I wish to create.

Rules are given as a gift to the submissive, i think a lot of Dominants forget this crucial part of a Bdsm relationship.

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2 thoughts on “The rules

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  1. I like your stance on rules and how they should be meaningful (to guide and help grow) for the particular sub and not just something arbitrary. Thank you for posting 🙂

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  2. The question that one must answer is “Do rules exist so that the submissive can be the sub they wish to be, or so that the submissive Can be the sub the Dom wishes them to be?” IMHO, while never 100% one way or the other, the most fulfilling relationships are when it skews towards focusing on the type of sub the sub wishes to be. The Dom then creates rules that hold the sub accountable for being person the sub is striving to be. It is still the Dima rules, but as you are stating, they are customized to the sub and not arbitrary. In your words, the rules become “personal” to both of you. Great advice

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