Everyone in the lifestyle does things differently.
I respect what ever that makes you happy in any relationship.
But the BDSM relationship is just a little bit more of the extras.
As a Dominant I need a lot of differnt keys to make a D/s relationship work.
Let me give you some keys that I feel is important.
Responsibility — I bear the responsibility in almost every aspect of the relationship. Why? Because I am in control of it. When it comes down to it, I am the one who is ultimately responsible for what happens to my submissive, my house, my job, myself — anything that is under my control including my actions and reactions.
Example: Your submissive is acting up. Is she responsible? Yes, but ultimately the reason why she is acting up is my responsibility. Maybe I have not being consistent enough and it is throwing her out of balance. Maybe the relationship needs maintenance. Most submissive do not want to act up. Most submissive are not even aware they are, but most submissive do act up because the world I created for her was thrown out of balance this is just one example of making me ultimately responsible for her behavior.
Maintenance — is crucial in any relationship, but in a BDSM relationships – it is vital. It’s no different than never changing the oil in your car and expect your car to drive forever. There are little tweaks and adjustments that need to happen over time to keep the car running. The same thing can be held true in a lifestyle relationship. But what is maintenance? It could be just the basics: take her for a date, do something new and excating together, find new ways to bound, find new ways to play and make her Connect even stronger to me a her Dominant. It is about taking control of the relationship and making sure all of the needs and support is met. not by Words , but actually doing the maintenance.
Follow Up — A product can only be as good as the person putting it together. This is a old saying , but clearly applies here because I am ultimately responsible if a submissive or does not perform correctly. Instead of beating her ass, making her feel like she can’t do anything right why not show her what she is done wrong, show her what she’s supposed to do, and then follow-up with what happened? That is administering positive discipline. It’s positive because it positive reinforces how I want my submissive to act, respond, and behave — yet it fosters the strong structure and foundation that is a prerequisite for a healthy relationship.
This is just a few examples of keys that I mean is important keys to hold.
But there is no need for any keys if there isn`t a door and a lock, because locks need keys. There is no need to beat a door when you have a key that works on the door.
There is no point of getting upset when the door doesn’t open; there is no need to break down the door because it wouldn’t open. It is not the door’s fault. It is not the lock’s fault. And sometimes, it is not even the key’s fault. But if a key doesn’t work then we need to try a different key to open the door on our submissives.
Banging the door, breaking it in half, ripping it from the doorframe only serves to scare the submissive. My response to the door makes them question their approach, question what they are doing, making a seemingly stable environment — become unstable. I have my keys, I respect them, I know them, and I am cognizant when they fail, when they are in need of repair, or when they work well. Breaking a key inside of a lock causes more grief and exasperation.
And the beauty of it all:
I hold the keys to the success or failure of my relationship