No safeword ?! Are you crazy !
Well I have heard it all before, so many submissive`s and also Domiants I have talked about this topic has reacted just in the manner most likely you do, when you are reading the start of this blog.
Safeword have been a keyword in BDSM so much that even outside the kink world have heard of them.
I got a qustion today : ” I fear if there is not a safeword it might go wrong and the trust might be broken forever”
I replied that I agree in the statment if the Dominant is not expirienced it might go very wrong and this is much of the reasons why I don`t use safeword.
I as a Dominant need trust, I will correct myself I base my hole Dominans on trust, this trust I have been given will I protect and cherish as the most valauble gift any other person can give me.
A Dominant without trust is like a fish without water……Trust is essential.
And if trust is so essential for me , why in the world would i risk loosing it ?
Yes , it might be “easier” for some to have a safeword ( also as a Domiant) but my submissive would not know how highly I value the trust I have been given.
During a scene chemicals moves, trust is given, passion is building, power and empowerment is clear, together we become one and during the whole scene I must keep it safe.
A alternative to all of this above is a safeword that chrushes it all.
The key is be aibel to read my submissive in the scene, see how she is reacting, see and understand her bounderies and maybe most important Commuication !
We use so many words in our day-to-day relationships to communicate with our partner. We tell them how we feel, we tell them when we are sad and when we had a shitty day. We tell them when we feel like we have been wronged. Why should BDSM be any different? Why should we take all of that beautiful, complex language and reduce it down to one word. Safewords are a tool, and we are using them wrong.
Why take all the communication and replace it for instance with Red as a safeword Why should this singel word be better than all communication – verbal and no verbal ?
I have play using edge play. Where no doesn’t exactly mean no, and where the submissive offcourse are allowed to fight back and must communicate to me as a Domiant.
Removal of a few of words like: no “red” and stop. dosen`t meen that I don`t understand the Words No and Stop , but I now have to more then understand them I have to read the situation and take communication to a higher state of understanding verbal and non-verbal.
You can practice BDSM without safewords. You can play and have no mean something. You can play with someone who will listen to you when you ask to be let down using more words than just ‘red’. The thought that when someone engages in BDSM all of the beautiful powerful communication more then just using simple Words it will accutaly be more safe, even binding me and my submissive even more and trust and respect is key in any situation of the scene.
“that is how everyone does it” makes me profoundly uncomfortable. Maybe it should make you uncomfortable too.