As a lifestyle Dominant, the amount of times I have been asked: ” why submit to you” is so rare, and the crazy part is this is a very valid question.
It`s even more then a valid question , it`s decisive.
Every individual has their own reasoning for why they choose submission or to submit and those questions are best answered by a submissive – I am a Dominant.
In this blog, I won’t be answering the question directly as to why an individual should submit to my as a Dominant. Let me start by saying there is a significant difference between the question, why should I submit to you and, why submit?
I am writing this to provoke thought in those who may be thinking or have asked the very generalized and curious question, why submit?
My response to this question almost always ends up being a returned question; How many relationships have you been in that you sacrificed yourself for your partner and you weren’t cherished, acknowledged or appreciated for them?
I generally ask this question rhetorically, I know the answer.
In my experience, if a new or curious individual asks this question it’s for a few common reasons.
They’ve previously maybe been taken advantage of by a partner.
They have maybe given themselves to a partner and felt unacknowledged – alone.
They have maybe a preconceived notion/assumption of how a D&s exchange is/works.
Now that I have answered the original question with a question, let’s assume I am right and they have responded to my question with the acknowledgement that they’ve been in a situation like I’ve mentioned above.
Great! Let’s proceed into how this translates into an answer to the question, why submit?
In many current as well as past relationships, an individual has and will do everything for their partner with little to no appreciation or recognition for what they have and/or are doing. Sometimes, so much so that they are left to feel meaningless, unwanted.
This is in complete contrast to the underlying principles of a Dominant and submissive exchange/relationship. There are many fundamentals to a D&s exchange, but here are a few core principles – trust, understanding, and appreciation.
The trust that a Dominant won’t take advantage of a submissive’s choice to submit and to know that the Dominant is there to protect, provide and develop the submissive. The trust in the Dominant’s intentions, that they are pure , not cruel and unkind.
The mutual understanding that they both serve a purpose to each other. The Dominant’s understanding of the sacrifices a submissive makes for the Dominant – it’s a choice, not an obligation and the submissive’s understanding of the relentless focus a Dominant must maintain in order to lead the submissive into submission.
I have in many other blogs named this as the circle of BDSM.
Lastly but certainly not least, the appreciation I as a Dominant maintains for my submissive, knowing my submissive journey in her development, always having in mind that what my submissive is giving to me as her Dominant is the greatest gift she can give, likewise my Dominance I give to her is the best I give her. ( The circle)
Now that one understands a few of the important principles, the equal parts connection, and desire that binds them… why submit?
Doing the dishes, cleaning, completing tasks and making dinner is not submission.
Therefor I never focus on these tasks.
I have never met a woman that will grow by cleaning and doing the dishes.
What actually is a reason to submit is the relationship dynamic and follow a few core principles of a D&s exchange – trust, understanding and appreciation.
Allow me to shear a statement :
“People never change, they just become more of who they really are”
With this in mind there is also a answer on the question ” Why submit?”
If you as me acknowledge this fact, and you are a real submissive why not become more of who you are, and if you are as myself a Domiant you know that becoming more of who you are is essential in beeing a Domiant.
There is a dynamic here that is key to “why submit?”
Bare in mind we as People never change, we just need to find our partner ( my submissive in my case/ Your Dominant if your are a submissive.)
If everybody was complety honest this would be a simple task, but as you know ” honesty is rare”.
Many hope to be, wishes to be, trying to be, but this has nothing to become more of who they really are.
This is the same for Dominants and submissives
There are countless examples as such I could provide you where relationships are wrong and even dangerous. This is also true in BDSM relationships where it is wrong to submit. But I will state that it is never wrong or dangerous if the man you submit to take this responsibllity devoloping you to become more of who you are, and always takes decisions that always keep your best in mind.
Think back to one of your old relationships and ask yourself:
If I trusted and knew they weren’t simply taking advantage, we both had a mutual understanding for our roles in the relationship and sacrifices as well as myself weren’t unnoticed and unappreciated?
How would that have impacted the relationship? How would it have improved the love you shared?
So, the next time you ask yourself why submit or ask a friend why they have chosen to submit. Perhaps ask, what is the quality of the relationship? How strong is the love in a D&s exchange or, how powerful is the connection between Dominant and submissive?
Remember, this article doesn’t answer the question of why submit to an individual Dominant. This article doesn’t answer the question, “why should I submit to you?” Those questions are much more personal and should be answered by the individual who’s asked and should be answered with far more thought.
Let me end this blog like this:
To submit you need a Man you respect, and respects you.
To submit you need a man that values your submission and you as a submissive value the Dominantion.
To submit you need trust, and a Dominant that`s always honest.
To submit you need to be strong, and a Dominant who knows that strenght is what I do, not what I say.
To submit you need a partner and a Dominant that always protects.
To submit you need a provider and a Dominant that always making decisions that keep your best in mind.