I have previously written a post on the topic ” Training a Dominant”.
As you might know in BDSM the leash always in a 24/7 relationship goes both ways.
Training is something we do to learn something new, be aibel to gain more expirience and understanding why and how we do it.
Training is simply another word for learning or education and you might know the statement: “Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough we must do.”
In the beautiful world of BDSM I do mean training is core in a 24/7 relationship.
To be more spesific regarding a D/s relationship , training is meant to adjust the submissives core attitudes and behaviors to be more in tune with her Owner. D/s training is as I see it not breaking Down, but rather braking in!
Beacause I mean in the center of training a submissive/slave is not to change her, but let her understand that training is to free her.
Training is not breaking down, because I want you to learn to let go. The goal of the training might be : understanding what is expected of you, learn the right and wrong way to go about certain tasks and anything else that I wishes to apply in the process of the submissive/slave to let me break in. Training of a submissive/slave is as important if she all new to the BDSM relationship as if she has years of expirience.
Why ? Because during training I break in, and this expirience builds this strong and good dynamic between my submissive/slave and me, but also a Clear understanding of what I as a Dominant want from my submissive/slave.
By the time we enter into a relationship and before training starts, I always want my submissive to find knowledge of her own and finding the answars to very personal questions, questions like :
Do I want this or do I need this ?
What good will most likely happen in such a relationship ?Is there any negative impact on my life With this lifestyle ?What consequences might that have for your M/s relationship? What will you achieve with your Dominant(Owner)? What is my strengths as a submissive/slave? Does what your Dominant(Owner) offer match what you as a submissive/slave seeks? What is your purpose in entering a Master/slave relationship?
There are 100 of questions , but the funny part here is that you as a submissive/slave knows all these questions already that`s relavant for you. ( or I hope you do)
Typically you have acknowledged if not embraced your submissive need and you have resolutely decided to move forward in exploring it ( thats maybe why you have a profile here on Fetlife) .From that point most of the time we are eager to learn more about the the lifestyle, you want to understand more about your submissive nature and you might also be committed to a Dominant. So why is the training then nescessary?
Rember the part about breaking in ? Thats why and why is it that maybe the idea of beginning training might be so unsettling?
I believe that the reason is this. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown is a universal experience among humankind. It you think about it, I’m certain you can recall many times in your own past when you experienced it. The idea of submissive training makes us feel uneasy and insecure because we have so little knowledge about it.
Therefor I will as a Dominant give you some advise…..Seek knowledge on your own, talk to friends, (Vanilla or BDSM) ,ask yourself some of the questions I gave as excamples ( Or let me be specific: Ask yourself the questions that you think is important to you)
buy books on Kindle and search the web on what others think training of a submissive actually is.
And maybe the most important thing to understand as I see it:
Get the answers from Your Dominant what he/I think training of you as a submissive/slave is and also what`s the purpose of this training.
It is easy to assume, given the dynamics of a power exchange relationship, that training is a one-way street. In other words, in the training process, all the instruction flows downhill from me the Domiant to my submissive/slave and all learning is absorbed by you the submissive/slave. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. Training is in fact a arena where instruction and learning flows back and forth in both directions. It is definitely a two-way process.
Yes, I the Dominant instructs and you learn yet at the same time I is also learning and in a sense being taught. Perhaps not in the sense that I am learning new skills or techniques, but I am learning about you, your own unique personality, capabilities and who you really are. These lessons helps me formulate specific goals, plans and strategies for your training, training that is individualized and specific to you as my submissive/slave. In the exciting phase in not to break you down, but let me break all in.
Training is also to prepare my submissive/slave for rules, rituals and protocol, but hey thats for a future post.