The Expectations

I have responsibilities and I also seek responsibilities
I have the responsibility to develop , learn and understand my submissive.
I have the responsibility to be strong and independent. I have the responsibility to be wise and patient, and to be controlled and in control of ourselves and my submissive.

I have to accept accountability for whatever happens with my submissive.
I have the responsibility to take responsibility (and accountability) for both our actions, and my submissives’ actions.
Well, submissive responsibilities exist too. (No, not “suck my dick daily” kinds of responsibilities).Responsibilities in submission are supposed to include communication with me as a Dominant. Having patience with the relationship. Working to build trust with me. And having realistic expectations of the relationship, while understanding the meaning of discretion when things need work. You know…all the stuff below?

Remember Patience
Patience is a virtue, virtue is a grace, and grace is importent.
When you start dating someone – you don’t ask them to marry you the first week out. Nor the first month, or (hopefully) the first year. So why are you in a rush to be “collared” immediately? Why is there this pressure to invent a myriad variety of “collars” to validate every single status change in the relationship? Date. Hang out. Talk.
Communicate on fantasies and find the common  fetishes and kinks.
It takes time before a Dominant becomes YOUR Master. It takes time for me to learn your way, It takes experience to recognize your body language, it takes time to understand how my submissive is thinking.

Have Realistic Expectations
You aren’t perfect? Well, neither am I. I seek to learn every day. I am constantly working on those imperfections, through self-help, personal exploration, educational classes, and reading.
It takes a lot of work to build a relationship – and that relationship has to be built from both ends. I understand that you are giving a lot when you surrender your body, soul and mind to me as a Dominant , I respect off course this highly.
BDSM is beautiful , some of the Pictures and the stories are just Perfect……..But this is not everyday life.
A BDSM relationship in the Movies or books are fiction.
An fantasies of a Superman/Batman Dominant are also fiction, a true Dominant has strenghts and weeknesses.

Consistency
I do the best I can to enforce the rules and follow thru consistently.
There’s something to be said for a sub who is the same Level in her level of devotion, her level of commitment, and her level of caring. I motivate, I train, and I guide. But if you’re giving us a different persona and a different level of submission every other day… will make the relationship very hard, and will be hard for me as a Dominant also to be conscientious.
Off course there is no such thing as a calm seas at all times in any relationships, but thats something totally differnt then consistently.

Trust
A
ctual trust, not “earn it or else” trust
Nobody trust  immediately from word one. That would be insane.
You’ve heard the old adage “trust takes time”? Well, trust also takes effort. And communication , from both parties. Trust is always a two way street.
As a Dominant I cherish trust, but trust is always about giving and reciving.
Trust is never a Dominant only responsibility, my submissive has to win my trust.

Sanity
This is a no brainer. But unfortunately, it rarely gets spoken of in our lifestyle.
We all have our issues and I can give much to my submissive but im not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but I respect that we all can have expirences in Our lives that can be hard to cope With and life is brutally hard sometimes. Entering deeply emotional and effort-related relationships demands that both parties are open and honest about who we are, where we stand and whats Our story.

Stop Recycling the Past
Expirience Counts, and hell ya its the defeats and how we turned defeat to expirience that makes us who we are.
But that said…this is us, starting fresh.This is a new relationship and maybe you as a submissive is New to the BDSM relationship.
I have met a lot of submissives over time, each one of them have taught me a lesson.
But im not in a search to copy my past, I want to create the New beginning, this should off course be the same for my submissive.

Honest Effort and Understanding
You might want us to know how hard submission is? Well, I want you to know how hard Domination is.I say there is a deep dimensions in the emotional and psychological impact.
For both me and my submissive, this could be hard and tough at times…..
I demand therfor a honest effort and understanding for the responsibillity I cary.
As like I respect my submissives effort in learing and developing.

Communication
Domination AND submission. Master AND slave. Top AND bottom. You AND me, Please note the “and”  It means that just as much as you expect me as a  Dominant to communicate with you about your training and performance…I expect the same of you.
This is what I Call the circle of BDSM realationship.
If you can’t communicate to me as a Domiant this would be like the blind leading the deaf.
I have a lot of skills, but since im not Batman or Superman, I do not have the gift to read Your toughts…
The better you as a submissive communicate, the better Dominant I will be.

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The Start

All good things have a start.
This is NOT a blog about the “born” Dominants or the naturaly  submissives.
As I have blogged about before, I am a beliver that a Dominant is beeing Dominant thru his expiriences, his life choises, his  morality and ethics , and his ability to learn and develop to mention a few things….And yes there are a some Genetic in play….
I dare to say that this also will be the same for a submissive.
The commen introduction to the BDSM world are after the breakup of a long term relationship, a divorce or when you have reached a certain age and dose of life experience.  Regardless of the actual trigger some things seem to remain fairly consistent in a majority of the newcomer’s experiences.

Emergence is the emerging from vanilla into the BDSM lifestyle, something like emerging from a cocoon. This is a process that takes years. It has been my experience that there are several phases that seem to be consistent during this emerging process. At the onset many people are uncertain ‘where’ they might fall in this new world and they may have conflicting fantasies which in essence tell them merely that ‘things’ in this lifestyle seem to address images, fantasies, thoughts, hopes and dreams which have lingered just below the surface of the individual’s life sometimes for many, many years. Too often the individual jumps at what they think they might be. Choosing this role helps them fit it. They find they can learn the lingo, talk the talk fairly quickly and be accepted.

There are several problems with an introduction into the BDSM world in this way. One of the most significant is the case of the new telling the new what to do. This is the blind leading the blind.. There are those who are not BDSM at all but what the community call vanilla kink, these tend to be people looking for quick, easy, cheap sexual contacts and affairs with that ‘edge’ of kinky that they cannot find in their vanilla life. There are those seeking to prey upon the new and innocent by promoting themselves as something they are not. These can be sociopaths who enjoy injuring and even ruining people. Then we have people who are real life BDSM who also enjoy making friends and contacts on the Fetlife or other portals on the web for it is truly an excellent resource and way to connect. For an emergent or newcomer D/s person this might becomes a very dangerous and tangled web.

Sorting out what is real from what is false is never easy.
People have raced to stick ‘labels’ on people in order to classify them. This is just as flawed as the newcomer leaping to ‘become’ something before they have any real comprehension of what that is. An emergent Dominant may after a while just be the everyday asshole who are using a tittel on Fetlife to use women.
I say that there is a problem on Fetlife, that People themself put the labels on who they are. ( yes I know I am stepping on some toes)

The individual should consider the process one of evolution and change. 

 

Let me give a inside tips to the New Dominant:
In a new Dominant you may see this panorama of opportunity. Willing submissives everywhere. but when the party is over the real life begins then you will learn that ‘managing’ a submissive is quite difficult.  Therefore it is so crusial to take active steps to educate themselves in the real life BDSM world prior to assuming a Dominant role and engaging the attentions of one or more submissives.I do belive the things can be said for many submissives though in general I find that more submissives actively educate themselves than Dominants. At least in the beginning.

It becomes especially dangerous when the submissive creates fabrications of safety based on ‘how wonderful’ this  Dominant is or the want to copy there dreams or fantasies of what a BDSM relationship really is all about. Many feel it is unseemly to question someone too closely and can even feel that such questioning may appear to be a lack of trust.

This is a journey for a Dominants and also of course for the submissives.
The Journey is a inner self is a process that takes alot of time, both Individualitie and when I as a Dominant and submissive starts a common journey.
Time is so essential both to learn Your inner self, and also spend time to learn about Your partner, more then just Learning the kinks and Beyond the whips and Chains.
I always say:
Things around us that was built for over 100 of years ago have at least one thing in common.
It took time to build.

 

 

 

 

The Commitment

Commitment- one of the strongest word`s I can think of.
Commitment is a two way street and true commitment has the Power to strengthen both me as a Dominant and my submissive.
T
his is exactly what is established from the beginning by many in the Master/slave, Dominant/submissive lifestyle. I am talking about a 24/7 relationship of course, one which is beyond role playing, beyond the occasional, maybe once-a-week BDSM activity. Living the day in and day out of this lifestyle define who we are and who I am as a Dominant, But the fundation of a Bdsm relationships often begins with the same commitment ideals as a vanilla realationship, but I as a Dominant want something more, something deeper, something called commitment.

I Always says that there of course can be a lot of love also in a  good Vanilla relationship, but a healty BDSM relationship takses both the the love and The commitment to another Level.
And while there certainly are those in the BDSM lifestyle that enjoy play for physical gratification only, there are many more who prefer a bonded, fulfilling, and committed relationship, just as many vanilla married couples do. In fact, some research shows that break ups are less frequent in power exchange relationships than in vanilla, married couples.

So where does the difference between relationships in each lifestyle lay? I believe it is in the fact that honesty self-expression, and forthrightness are generally valued in serious BDSM relationships. This is not to say everyone in this lifestyle feels this way, as we well know there are exceptions to every rule, but in my own expirience I have found that a majority of partners in a power exchange relationship value this ideology in their relationship. For many, this begins on day one.

It is common for these relationships to begin with a negotiation where each partner is able to establish their needs, limitations, and obligations for one another, resulting in a set of rules and protocol.  Rules are discussed and compromised upon, with each party openly discussing what they want and need out of their relationship. Great care is taken in the construction of each provision because I am true to myself and this part of the relationship is very important, because this start will be a set up for the commitment that makes this lifestyle so much more then just having a partner, lover or spouse.

This acknowledgement of fluidity empowers each  of the partner to regularly speak up for themselves and make changes to the relationship as needed, up to or including the end of the relationship if that is what is best. These relationships are not failures, because each partner fulfilled their commitment to one another, and ensured that the people in the relationship remain more important than the relationship itself.
The great leaning of BDSM, I am the Dominant I am because of my life expiriences, my submissive is the girl she is because of her life expiriences.
Even the failed relationships will learn you more about commitment, a strange paradox I have to say.

And while sexuality is certainly an element in mine BDSM relationships,But a common commitment  can also note that the strength all the aspects of the relationship like : a sense of stability which I believe comes from those set and established rules created in the start of the relationship. Master/Dom and slave/submissive both have a clear understanding of the expectations, desires, demands, and requirements for one another.
This Clear settings have I expirienced will clearify the commitment.

The driving force for a successful relationship ( Vanilla or BDSM ), of course, is the people themselves, and while there are certainly exceptions, my experiences  in the lifestyle lead me to believe that BDSM relationships tend to be more stable, more adaptable, and longer lasting than those in the general population, due in no small part to these principles, approaches, attitudes, clearity and of course The Commitment !

 

The man I am and the things I know

  • I love and care for my submissive . Submission is a gift freely given and as a caring dominant leadership is the loving return of that gift.
  • I must first win a submissives heart by earning her trust through honor, truthfulness, trustworthiness and respect.
  • I respect the power that’s earned and given within their consensual Power Exchange.
  • I always seek to be in control of myself first before they can exercise guidance and accountability over anyone.
  • I understand the differences within the progression of discipline and the gap between guidance and force.
  • I never raise a hand in anger.
  • I show guidance that is worth following and an ever growing knowledge that is deserving of my submissives attention.
  • I understand that the worst punishment for a submissive comes in the form of my displeasure or disappointment and will never use that knowledge as an advantage, discipline or punishment.
  • I understand a persons emotions and mind are both beautiful and fragile, and I am dedicated and patient . Patience is not only a virtue in this area… It is imperative to a strong BDSM relationship.
  • I know communication is one of the most important aspects of my relationship and the core of communication is always listen.
  • I take the time and effort to know my submissive mind, body and needs and strive to know my submissive in all aspects of her personality.
  • I Know trust grows, so will the closeness of the relationship.
  • I am courageous enough to accept assistance. Open minded enough to learn new things. Knowledgeable enough to know that there is always more to learn.
  • Some of my most important tools are my mind, patience, communication, honor and love.
  • I know Im not perfect and will make mistakes and I am wise enough to admit them to move forward.
  • I understand that some of my greatest strength comes from being compassionate, consistent and fair.
  • I know that my words is my bond and I will be consistent and follow through.

The rules

Rules in a Bdsm relationship is important.
Beacause the rules are given to my submissive for her to understand and the rules are there to molde her, develop her, secure her and reminding both my submissive and me as a Dominant what i aspect of my submissive.
Rules are the core of a realationship and they are set to help my submissive.
So i often hear a submissive ask me “what rules are you going to give me? ” “How are you going to punish me if I break a rule?”

Well the answer at that point is , I do not know. I talk to sub all the time on Fetlife and also talking to submissives i know personally they tell me , about meeting new Dominants and the 50 rules they give, and most want the submissive to memorize everyone, and not in order. I myself find such behavior not only childish, controlling, insecure, inconsiderate , okay you get the idea.

I myself, take the time to get to know my submissive, inside and out. I want to know what she is going to say before she speaks. I want to know her thoughts, and most of all her bad habits and her ways. This is where the rules come in.

Rules are set in place to help, and to guide. I want my submissive to grow, blossom, be the best she can be. I want to motivate, through positive reinforcement.

A good submissive needs rules, it makes them feel complete, and they strive to be the best they can be.Ninety percent of the time one will only break a rule, if they feel they are not getting the attention they should be getting.

To many rules can make her feel over whelmed, confusion. Can make her feel as she is walking on eggshells , and last but not least fear.
Fear has a lot of exciting possibilities , but fear will never give you a good Submissive, it will give me a submissive who is using to much of her energy not breaking the rules, and this will prevent the submissive to grow and develop.
Therefor i have few rules for my submissive ( normally a Maximum of 10 rules)
They should be easy to follow and the rules are made for my submissive, not rules i have found on Google. The rules are very personal both for me as a Dominant and my submissive.
One of the important parts of rules are , when one is broken, punishment needs to be giving at that time, and explained why she is being punished. I am sure you get the idea. What I want to do is improve what I have, build her up, encourage her . I want my submissive to be the best she can be, in all aspects of her life.

As a responsible  owner  and Dominant I never make the mistake of not following through punishment if rules are broken, the out come is not good, once you lose that control, you will never regain it back. It is basically over at that point, we are no longer the dominant they need. This the key why rules are given to follow and they are there for my submissives best interest.

The key is  I never to lose my temper, there is no need to yell, scream, belittle , put down, humiliate, before punishing. I like to sit down, and talk about why the rule was broken, and give her the punishment I feel she deserve and afterwords and during the punishment asure that she is going to insure it will not happen again.

As for punishment, this is why I do not give out rules when I first meet someone, I want to get to know my submissive….Only then will rules develop and mould my submissive to the submissive I wish to create.

Rules are given as a gift to the submissive, i think a lot of Dominants forget this crucial part of a Bdsm relationship.

The Control

Dominance is indeed very much about control; exerting it, exploring it, accepting it, playing with it. But above all Dominance is about exercising it. Dominance is an act not so much of exerting control over another as it is of exercising control of myself.

Dominance is as much about what we don’t do as what we do and the self-control it takes to achieve that. As a Dominant I have the potential to seriously emotionally or physically harm a submissive or simply use the power that has been granted them in self-serving ways to the detriment of the submissive. But me as a competent and caring Dominant does none of those things, certainly not with intent, and achieves that through the exercise of self-control.

Self-control is in point of fact the wellspring of my Dominance.

When me and my Dominant’s self-control is coupled with empathy and a genuine desire that my submissive be their very best self, it is like a moth to the flame for my submissive. It is one thing to sound dominant, it is entirely another to actually BE Dominant. Lots of people can play at being a Dominant for a time but to truly have an enduring D/s relationship requires something that cannot be faked or played at. It requires a genuine commitment to the betterment of my submissive, enduring patience and selflessness, and above all, self-control in times of extreme desire, frustration, or challenge.

Having the self-control not to go too far in a scene is one thing. Having the self-control not to lash out in anger is another. But having the self-control to face a truculent, high-maintenance, frustrated or even a crying submissive with calm and patience is far, far harder. Indeed, it is the self-control exhibited by me as a Dominant in these times of trial that often most attracts the submissive and maintains their devotion. Often the submissive is a strong person seeking someone who is even stronger. And when the storm is over the Dominant stands straight and dependable as ever. This is what keeps the submissive coming back. This is what garners the devotion. This IS Dominance, this is the responsibility to protect her, the core of dominance.

Any sizable man can grab a fist full of a submissive’s hair and pull them to their knees in response to provocation and sometimes this is not entirely the wrong thing to do. But the self-control it takes to look a submissive in the eyes and calmly bring them to their knees without ever touching them? Without even saying a word? Or perhaps with a gentle touch to the shoulder in combination with a look? That is Dominance and that is pure will and self-control at work. It would be so easy to fight back, overpower, verbally spar, argue, order, etc. But control, real control, comes from the power of calm. A look, a gesture, firm words softly uttered can be so much more impactful.

And finally there is patience. Patience is yet another form of self-control.As A Dominant I control my own impulsive tendencies for the benefit of my submissive and the relationship.  The fact that I as a Dominant has the self-discipline and self-control not to take everything they could have, not to just grab the situation , but rather to savor and linger without gluttony attracts the submissive to give ever more. I can afford to be patient because through my self-control and desire for the development of my submissive.

So while some fake dominant is indeed attempting to exercise some level of control over their submissive, in reality the power that enables that control comes first, foremost and ultimately from the ability to control my self. If I want a submissive to be attracted to me and devoted to me as her owner for more than the fleeting intense romance period of first meeting and early days, my maine interest is not in a desire to control another her, but rather a desire to control myself. Beacause when I do that, and a submissive will see you for the Dominant  I truly are and am, she will given me what I need.

The need to protect, guide and have a good relationship built on a good fundation of BDSM , and the hardest part about all of this is it starts by be able to fully Control myself !

The giver and the taker

There are really two kind of people when it comes to relationships and it shows even more in a BDSM relationship, where the dynamic between the two parties are so relavant and crucial. 

Those that give, and those that take. Now this isn’t always a bad thing. It’s okay for one person in the relationship to be more of a giver and one to be more of a taker I`ve even assert that it is a advantage to the relationship where there is this differnce.

Both the givers and the takers have their pros and cons, and like I said earlier, it’s not necessarily a bad thing to be one or the other in a relationship.  acknowledge these things and work on them with your partner so that you can  advance on in the relationship. In order for the relationship to develop, both the giver and the taker will need to work on certain things.

The best advice I can give is :

To learn from each other and grow together 🙂
This will create a exciting dynamic , and this dynamic will create a bound of understanding between me as a Dominant and my submissive.

Dominants and submissives are equals. Period. No ifs, ands or buts about it.
But still we are differnt, and this differnce creates the dynamics, the dynamics thats so crusial for a good BDSM relationship.
Just because I am the Dominant partner does not dismiss the fact that my submissive is on equal footing with me. It’s a matter of the relationship and respect for her. 

However you call the bond between a Dominant and a submissive, there exists a very real and breathing relationship between two people. And in the D/s relationship it takes two types of people to make a D/s relationship work correctly, a Dominant and a submissive. The typical giver and the typical taker among many other things.

It does go beyond just needing a Dominant and a submissive in a D/s relationship to make equals. Each person in whatever type of relationship you have with anyone you are involved with has a set of expectations, a set of rules and a set of priorities we recognize about each other.
The D/s relationship is no different. Now I have heard the argument, “I am the Dominant, so I set the rules, the expectations and the priorities”. Well good for you, don’t all of us Dominants do that? Yes, but only the foolish don’t realize we can only set these rules and expectations and priorities to a partner who as an equal has her own set of rules, expectations and priorities her needs.
As much as I as a Dominant expects a submissive to follow her concepts of rules, expectations and priorities, a Dominant must be willing to do likewise for a submissive. Both partners need something within a relationship. Rules and protocol for me as a Dominant is very important.

A submissive who is treated as an equal instead of a lesser being is more apt to be more self-assured, she will be stronger ,she will grow and develop even more , thats the greatest goal for me as a Dominant.
Charish the difference as a giver and a taker, build a foundation around that we are equal but different and most importently
Communicate and make the difference our common strenght in the relationship.
Ahhh this BDSM world is amazing ! 

The training of a Dominant

I quess you have read a lot of blogs and discussions on Fetlife about how to Train Your submissive.
In my opinion, all the talk in BDSM circles about “training a submissive” is wrong-headed. No standard training regime is required to be a good submissive partner. In reality, it is we the Dominants who require the training, and not simply on how to wave a whip safely or spank a submissive.

I need training, Dominants  need training, or knowledge and practice, because we assume the authority in the relationship. The ability to retain and wield authority responsibly, and consistently over time, is not innate—there are no “born dominants” as I have stated in other blogs.
One must acquire and develop these skills, and doing so can take years. Even accurately perceiving your own words and tone as you speak can be challenging, as is choosing an effective mix of substance and style to convey a specific demand.

Although one can find workshops presented by dominant men or women describing their own experiences with D/s, there are no accredited schools for dominant lovers. Most Dominants therefore educate themselves, hopefully with some mentoring by other wise People maybe outside the BDSM world.. But for most of us, we are trained by trial and error within our relationships, causing our submissives and ourselves suffering when we as Dominants fuck up.

For submissives, the only skills which all must master are emotional and interpersonal best practices, like honesty,respect clear communication, sound boundaries, managing emotions, awareness of triggers, focus in the present—which aren’t specific to kinky relationships. Submissives who tend to have a strong psychological subspace response should also learn to handle that. Whatever other abilities that a particular Dominant desires his love to obtain can be taught at the appropriate moment as their romance unfolds.

And I as a Dominant do indeed teach their subs many things, especially how to recognize and fulfill their needs & desires, and also life skills beneficial to their partners. Different Dominants naturally teach different lessons. But to be an effective teacher, a Dominant must first learn his sub; her strengths and weaknesses, how she absorbs and embraces new ideas or behaviors. Next, I must adapt his ways of instructing and guiding to her. Teaching is a lot easier if you understand how the submissive thinks and learns!

Having a mentor is the closest that most Dominants and subs get to actual training. The most productive mentoring relationships are dom-to-dom and sub-to-sub, although the other combinations can also work. Mentoring is largely conversational; it happens over coffee, on the phone, via the Internet. While mentoring may occur within a romance, a relationship formed for the purpose of mentoring should not become sexual, as that creates a conflict of interest for the mentor. A mentor’s goal must be the growth and success of his protégé.
A mentor could also offcourse be outside the BDSM world, this is the solution I have choosen.
The best part is that she is a she and she have tought me things I never in my life never tought about at all. And when you learn Things you never ever has tought about…..then you are really Learning something.
And I seek knowledge and learn to understand myself as a Man and a Dominant still after 3 longtime D/s relationships, this should be a motivational factor to all the Dominants out there.
Because when you learn , you develop and are getting stronger in any aspect of the word strong.
Heavy is the crown to carry the responsibillity for myself as a Dominant and the submissive I want to find.

Some couples like to use “training” as a kinky label for getting-to-know-you activities or early BDSM sessions. These really aren’t training per se, but language is a useful romantic lever, so why not “train her” if that feels hot. In the opening stages of a D/s relationship, both partners are best served by simply learning each other. Fitting any two people together, in kinky relationships as much as vanilla ones, is like doing a  puzzle; it takes time and some trial and error. I as a Dominant may need to accommodate a new submissive somewhat to win her trust. Over time, she will of course accommodate him extensively as their trust deepens.

A period of immersion in D/s roles—around the clock for a weekend, a week, or even a month—may be hot and bonding for some couples.However this is not a getting-to-know-you exercise! Only couples with established mutual trust should attempt to dive in such waters.

Some wanna be Dominants like to talk about “breaking a submissive” as a desired outcome of “training”. Sadly for them, people are not horses. You cannot expect to magically level your lover’s limits by putting her under sustained pressure. For many kinky couples, the practice of BDSM is indeed about finding and transcending boundaries, over time. Someone facing a boundary to be crossed must decide to do so; forcing them across is almost always damaging, to the individual and the pair

So my advice to subs is: “Don’t seek BDSM training; work on your emotional and interpersonal skills, and seek a capable, sincere , honest Dominant. To my Dominant friends : “Definitely seek education and mentoring; what you wish to achieve is hard!” A Dominants responsibilities—wielding authority wisely, and teaching and guiding his partner—are not easy, and not inborn. Learning these skills takes focus and practice, and wisdom from those with some mastery of them. Becoming that to which you aspire is a long and often a hard journey.
All of this will make me even better for the new submissive I will find somewhere out there.
And if I improve, and I still will be working on being a better Man and Dominant this will be a two way win street , for me and my new submissive !

The gift

There is a lot of blogs of the gift of submission, and yes it is a truly gift given to a Dominant when submission  is real and genuin.
The truth of the matter is that there is nothing that provides me more joy then the gift of a submission. No gift do I cherish and respect more then this biggest gift I can recive.
When I feel the responsibility, when I give trust, when I do make a difference and when I know I am devoloping my submissive.
There are few blogs about the gift of a Dominant, strange really because I personaly do  mean that there is no diffence in giving Domiantion to the submissive who really deserve it.
Hell I even say that giving Dominantion is the biggest gift I can give.
I don`t give it away, I choose who I mean is worthy my Domination, and yes you are correct that I as a Dominant can`t give anything before a submissive is concent, trust me With her submisson and the fundation is being built.
But still:

Domination is a gift, the greatest gift I can give another person.

There is more to being a Dominant than wearing a title, carrying a whip, giving orders or dressing the part.
Domination is a skill which, much like any other skill, it can be taught or learnt, and grown and nurtured through immersion in the D/s relationship. But just like any other skill or ability, how well one succeeds comes down to how willing and receptive one is to learning or being taught and how much you give as a Domiant. – and how well I am talent and temperament are suited to taking on my Dominant responsibility.

So what is a Dominant?
Well I can just talk for my self offcourse , but as a Dominant I have to have a set of core values and  I have to possesses as everybody a set of qualities as :openness,consideration, politeness, protection ,guidance,caring and I as a Dominant,  has a strong sense of ethics and honesty and is respectful.
It is these qualities, more than anything else, that define a person’s character and personality, and are the essential skills that determine how good I as a person is liable to be in anything – be it my career, my home life – or being a Dominant.
It takes a lot to be a Dominant, and it takes more than a whip, a uniform and a pair of boots.

As I mentioned above, that art of domination is very much a skill, and as a Dominant I need to show a willingness to learn, to grow and to understand; I am on a journey as much as a submissive can say she is on a journey. In life, we often take the time to attend seminars and workshops; I  read , I listen and I learn….what I really does is . I have taken the time and effort to learn and grow.
Here is the difference in being a Domiant, Not just giving orders or giving away dominance to those who really not deserve it.
So what is domineering. Sadly, as is often the case in real life, there are those who mistake a domineering mien as a key element of being seen as a “Dominant”. Their attitude is brash and rude, their tone frequently crass and their treatment of submissives is generally negative and oppressive. Where the Dominant will demonstrate respect, understanding and self-control the domineering individual will demand that they are given respect, will show a lack of understanding of basic D/s precepts and exhibit a lack of self-discipline, resorting to inappropriate actions and / or threats towards submissives.
I as a  Dominant exercises control not by being overbearing or through the use of threats or by belittling another, but  I rather are working on a more subtle level, influencing thoughts, desires, needs and hopes – and through the simple expedient of showing I care. As a  Dominant i am both authoritarian, powerfull and have a lot of responsibility.
I as a  Dominant takes responsibility for the submissive in my life. Yes,a real submissive  are controlled and dominated – but I as a  Dominant remains clear of my vision for my submisisve and working with goals to match my submissive needs, in understanding that for any submissive to give their best, she must be secure and confident in her submission.
I as a Domiant will listen to my submissive and learn about her and her needs and her wish to develop in any aspect of life.
This knowledge is used, and returned to the relationships remains my prerogative as a  Dominant; but if the Communications or the trust is not there ( or it disappers), then things are already starting to stray towards rocky ground. All relationships mature and change over time, and healthy D/s relationships are no different.It is important that the channels of communication and the honesty are once opened, they need to be maintained and renewed throughout the relationship, this is the big responsibility that lies on my shoulders as a Domiant, this is as I see it the core of being a Domiant.
Thats why trust, honesty and communication is the fuel for a good D/s relationship.
I as a Dominant is always seeking to ensure such communications are open and honest – and also seeking to avoid unnecessary arguments and disagreements; instead working to arbitrate situations working on solutions and always have in mind that I as a Domiant are always responsible for the outcome in any given situation.
This is the gift as I see it of real Dominance.
The greatest gift I ever can give.

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