The need

I believe at times we all have contradictions that that run through our head. This is especially true within this lifestyle of BDSM, D/s, Ms, etc… Any of you that have followed me for any length of time know that I have written about the contradictions that lie within submission. There is the internal battle many times of what seems right versus what a submission wants, needs, or craves. It can be hard to accept these things and come to terms with our desires for these seemingly inappropriate acts and treatment. In today’s society, it can even seem very wrong to even want to submit and give power and authority over to another person, regardless of the acts that may play out. Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret… this can be hard for me as a Dominant as well.

When I take the time to look at some of things that I enjoy about being Dominant, and the aspects of this lifestyle that I enjoy (the not so gentle or nice aspects), and compare that to what is considered socially acceptable, it can stop me in my tracks. In fact, in some circles I potentially could be clinically determined to be a sexual deviant and be need to be on the registered sexual offender list. I could be one of those people that has to carry that stigma and has everyone look at him as though I am an outcast. Why don’t we just go ahead and take me to the town square and hang me for all to see and rid our community of such atrocity.

I see scenes of seemingly rough forced sex and I like it. I see scenes of whipping and I love the pretty  stripes left across the submissives ass. I see various acts of pain inflicted and I want to do those things myself. I want to make my slave moan and scream and beg, and then make her take even more. I want to make her choke on my manhood, only to let her breathe and then do it again. I see pictures of women in of cages and think “Hmmm… I have one of those!” I think about spanking her pussy and hurting her nipples and want to subject her to it over and over. I want to give myself into her repeatedly so that it hurts her and she screams, and I won’t stop until she’s a foggy mess of a blob that can’t even function. All to exert my Dominance, fulfill our own needs, and show her how she is owned and at my mercy .

Here lies the contradiction. At the same time, I love and care for my slave. I want to go places and do things with her. I want to hold her hand. I want to spoon with her as we sleep. I want to caress and care for her. I want to gently kiss her on the forehead. I want to have her head in my lap and stroke her hair and cheek as we watch television. I want to laugh with her, and pick at each other in fun. I want to defend her when she is threatened, and throw myself in front of any danger she might face. I want to shield her from anything harm that may come her way.

How can I be this way? How can I want to hurt her in one breath and protect her from pain in another? How can I want to subject her to such apparently cruel acts, but then want to protect her ?

How? I’ll tell you how! Because it’s part of who I am as a man and a Dominant, and also what my slave needs and craves from me. It’s part of the dynamic we have together, each knowing our roles and place with the other. Each of us, in actuality, feeding off the other to be this way to meet our owns needs as well as fulfill the needs of each other. Am I like this with everyone? Absolutely not! The key to it all is consent. I have no desire to do these things with someone that does not want and need it. That doesn’t turn me on one bit. I am secure in the Dominant I am and the things I desire and need as a Dominant. For this to work for me, I need a willing partner. I need someone that wants this from me, and even pushes me to do more and go further with this side of myself. I need consent as well as a mental and emotional connection to be this way with someone. This is not about taking what I want from just anyone. It’s about being that way with and for my slave because she needs that from me, and it allows me to be able to be my true self.

I may be a walking contradiction in many ways, but I’m ok with that. I’m good with the person I am and have uncovered. I won’t lie to you, it’s not always easy, but that’s ok as well. The struggles make the triumphs worthwhile. For me, the benefits far outweigh the downsides.

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The Commitment

Commitment can be summed up very easily: be willing to be successful no matter what. In other words, one has the mindset that he or she is going to do whatever it takes to make the situation successful. Failure is not an option. All action is taken with the intention of working towards the desired outcome. There is no maybe. Certainty is ever present in the mind.

This is a stark difference from how people live their lives. Most are experts at offering up excuses. They have a host of alibis ready to present even before they engage in the activity. Of course, nothing is ever their fault. Passing the blame is a weekness.

To succeed in BDSM, as other areas, it takes commitment. My mindset is that my relationship is going to work out long term. I am not willing to allow the challenges of life to sabotage what I am developing. Fear is something that is present within everyone and, left unchecked, can overtake a situation completely. Commitment is something that enables one to overcome this barrier.

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Blind faith or senseless optimism is not a valid approach. However, when one is aware of the situation after doing the proper research or diligence, it is helpful to have the committed outlook. Success and failure both start in the mind. Those are willing to do whatever it takes to make a BDSM relationship(s) successful are apt to do just that. This is a major contrast to the one who is willing to sever things as soon as something difficult comes up. Many of the reasons for ending relationships can be overcome with commitment. It is a tool that few consider but is something that can make all the difference. Consider it.

The Daddy thoughts

There are few aspects of kink that are as misunderstood as Daddy Doms and their little girl submissives. People often think having a Daddy means you missed out on something as a child, or that you want to dress up in a tutu and fingerpaint. Not necessarily. Other people mistakenly believe that it means you want to have sex with your father.  But in the context of a BDSM relationship, having a Daddy Dom has nothing to do with any of those things.

Some little girls with Daddy Doms engage in ageplay and others don’t. Some of the other authors this week will be discussing the ageplay side of Daddy/little girl play, but today I’m talking about the D/s relationship between a Daddy Dom and his little girl.

The Daddy Dom

Daddy Doms put their babygirl’s needs at the top of their priority list. A Daddy Dom will do everything he can to help his little girl be the best person she can be. He may spoil her, but he doesn’t let her get away with being a brat. Sometimes this means he will punish her, not for the enjoyment of the punishment, but because it is for her own good. A Daddy’s little girl is his pride and joy and he does what he can to make her feel special and cherished.
But im not weak on my Domination, never understand me as soft on rules and consecvenses.

The Little Girl Submissive
The little girl submissive worships her Daddy Dom. She will do anything to please him because she knows that he makes it his mission to care for her and to protect her. Since she is secure in his feelings for her she trusts her Daddy and submits to him completely. The little girl puts her Daddy’s needs first and pleasing him is of the utmost importance to her . In return he fulfills her needs and disciplines her when she needs it.

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The Relationship
The Daddy Doms both the Dom and the sub put their partner’s needs above their own. They are open and honest about their sexual needs and kinks. Daddy’s little girl is the center of his world, and he is the center of hers. While they may incorporate elements of ageplay this is not their focus. They may engage in BDSM activities that include pain, but this is usually motivated by a desire to get to subspace, increase endorphins, or a need for punishment rather than a desire for pain for pain’s sake. However, like all relationships – each one as unique as a snowflake and it is difficult to generalize.

The four P`s – Protector-Penelaizer-Provider-Partner

   Protector

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As the dominant half YOU are the primary protector. This protection is unconditional. It can be protection from stressful element in your Little’s life. This can be financial, psychological, fantasy etc. You’re the one they turn to, and you provide what few can. As their emotional safe haven and secret keeper, the intimacy of your relationship will be unlike any other. There needs to be absolute trust between each other. The damage of a broken trust in a DDLG relationship can be beyond devastating. If your Little opens up to you, never ever use it against them or manipulate them with that information. It’s borderline abuse and, to put it mildly, one of the most damaging things you could ever do. While you are disciplining your Little it’s important to keep in mind you are still their protector. Never, ever, forget that fact.

 

Penelaizer

 

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Your Little needs to learn that respect for their caregiver is of the utmost importance. It is your responsibility to teach your Little to grow and learn while maintaining respect for your role as the dominant and following your rules. These rules should always be clear and consistent and it’s important for both parties to agree to follow them. As is with any BDSM relationship, there may or may not be punishment, discipline and penalizing involved if the rules are broken. Some caregivers are strict while others prefer to take the gentler approach with chores, loss of privileges, and other non-physical punishments. In many cases the gentler approach can be far more effective since many people in BDSM relationships enjoy physical punishments. The punishment is not about giving pleasure through pain, but teaching your Little a lesson—that breaking the rules will not to be tolerated.
After punishment it is the Daddy`s job to reassure your Little once it’s time to move on that you still love them, and it’s for the relationships benefit. Once again, the type of punishments and rules is entirely dependent on the couple and circumstances surrounding the relationship, and this can vary greatly. Overall the Little should anticipate some form of discipline/punishment if they act out against the caregiver’s wishes or ‘forget the rules’.

                                                                     Provider

 

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While you protect and guide your Little through the world, it’s important to care for your Little to ensure they are healthy, happy, and cared for. This could include making sure they are eating well and have their basic needs met, like any relationship, but a caregiver will generally take this to the next level as they are responsible for their Little’s well-being. Feel free to spoil your Little if you can. As the caregiver, you will know what your Little loves and having a surprise now and then will make them feel special. These rewards or gift could be anything you like—be creative. Toys, candy, new play items (coloring books, stickers, teddies), or maybe even some quality time together. Just remember –you are a Daddy, not a sugar Daddy. Don’t get these two confused. Your job is to help them be the best they can be.You provide solutions to a problem, rather than being the solution yourself.
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As a Daddy you are their everything, as they are too you. They are the sun, moon, and light of your life, so treat them as such. While your relationship may or may not be sexual, it’s important for both parties to feel loved and cared for. The DDlg dynamic is a thing of absolute beauty. You have the power to elevate a dynamic like this to unknown reaches of self-discovery, so you need to make it very clear that they are of the utmost importance to you and earn their trust. You are partners in this dynamic together. This requires endless communication, compromise and compassion. With any BDSM relationship you need to know each other’s soft and hard limits and respect them. Never penalize your Little for not wanting to compromise on a hard limit. You should both understand that while the Daddy is the dominant, the Little has their own limits. Just like with BDSM—for a good Daddy.

 

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