The Growth

I have been reading over 100s of  personal growth books in my life.Focusing on self-improvement has presented many opportunities in my life—and learning and knowledge allways is a winning formula.
But from reading and getting the knowledge you have to put the new knowledge in  order for things to change in your life, in order to get where you want to be, you have to grow into the person who is ready for that change. Personal development is vital to your success on a personal Level , but surely allso as a Domiant.
I have blogged alot about development in BDSM and now , my blog  is about the growth.

I am a believer that we need to grow to move forward. BDSM is all about growth.
The growth I as a Dominant and my submissive together achive.
We enter this way of life knowing little yet learn and expand as we go along. The journey typically starts with our kinks (which most likely will expand over time) before extending with the realization that BDSM offers the opportunity to live life at a higher level. What I mean by this is that true BDSM people will hold themselves to a higher standard than the rest of society ( I think). This only makes sense when you realize the depth and risk associated with true power exchange. A person who takes this from another needs to be responsible with that power. It is something that the average person does not have to deal with in his relationship. Here I as a  Dominant is fully in charge and needs to direct things. I cannot absolve myself of the leadership position.

To cover some of the basic areas that growth is required, I will start with mental. Under mental, I am referring to knowledge. What is I as a Dominant doing to expand my knowledge base in all areas? Am I sitting around watching television all day long or does I at least pick up a book once in a while? Does I visit different websites to learn about different things? Are there hobbies I engages upon which expand my knowledge base and skills? Am I  studying for something that will improve my future, and through that, also improve my submissives future? And finally, doesI make it this way of life and his Domination a personal study? Too many seem to think, as I mentioned earlier in my blog that someone is born Dominant and, that having the quality of domination is enough. Few realize that to truly Dominant, one needs to make it a lifelong study.
I read somewhere that the blind never can lead the deaf…and this is so true if a Dominant never spend any time in expanding the knowledge, I think it is only Wannabe Dominants who lean to fact that they are born Dominant and therefor have the skill to lead a submissive.
This is not true, this is actually “Dangerous” for a submissive to lean towards , because it is all a house of cards.

With no knowledge, you can never lead ! 

Another area where growth is required is in regard to ones skills. Focusing upon BDSM solely, for a moment, I will state that any Dominant who is not expanding his abilities is going to lose those the submissive that are under his control. A submissive need to grow also and that comes, in part, by his ability to push her further. Naturally, I need to have the ability in a particular area before I can push her. Sadly, I belive a great many BDSM relationship end simply because the submissive outgrew the Dominant. The submissive progressed while he sat back and felt it his place to be waited upon. He deferred to her on all the effort while giving none himself. Well, I have news for you, this is not a choice. As a  Dominant, it is my responsibility to expand and grow because my submissive is (or will) be dependent upon that. Again, this is not a choice.
In many ways in a BDSM realtionship I as a Dominant is in charge allso for my submissive to grow, and never stop her from getting information seeking verious sites and reading blogs.
Because I am a beliver that growth is constant and a good BDSM relationship and a real Dominant spend alot of time growing and expanding this will lead to my submissive will devlop on the same path as mine.

Advertisements

The Keys

Everyone in the lifestyle does things differently.
I respect what ever that makes you happy in any relationship.
But the BDSM relationship is just a little bit more of the extras.
As a Dominant I need a lot of differnt keys to make a D/s relationship work.
Let me give you some keys that I feel is important.
Responsibility — I bear the responsibility in almost every aspect of the relationship. Why? Because I am in control of it. When it comes down to it, I am the one who is ultimately responsible for what happens to my submissive, my house, my job, myself — anything that is under my control including my actions and reactions.

Example: Your submissive is acting up. Is she responsible? Yes, but ultimately the reason why she is acting up is my responsibility. Maybe I have not being consistent enough and it is throwing her out of balance. Maybe the relationship needs maintenance. Most submissive do not want to act up. Most submissive are not even aware they are, but most submissive do act up because the world I created for her was thrown out of balance this is just one example of making me ultimately responsible for her behavior.

Maintenance — is crucial in any relationship, but in a BDSM relationships – it is vital. It’s no different than never changing the oil in your car and expect your car to drive forever. There are little tweaks and adjustments that need to happen over time to keep the car running. The same thing can be held true in a lifestyle relationship. But what is maintenance? It could be just the basics: take her for a date, do something new and excating together, find new ways to bound, find new ways to play and make her Connect even stronger to me a her Dominant. It is about taking control of the relationship and making sure all of the needs and support is met. not by Words , but actually doing the maintenance.

Follow Up — A product can only be as good as the person putting it together. This is a old saying , but clearly applies here because I am ultimately responsible if a submissive or  does not perform correctly. Instead of beating her ass, making her feel like she can’t do anything right why not show her what she is done wrong, show her what she’s supposed to do, and then follow-up with what happened? That is administering positive discipline. It’s positive because it positive reinforces how I want my submissive to act, respond, and behave — yet it fosters the strong structure and foundation that is a prerequisite for a healthy relationship.

This is just a few examples of keys that I mean is important keys to hold.
But there is no need for any keys if there isn`t a door and a lock, because locks need keys. There is no need to beat a door when you have a key that works on the door.
There is no point of getting upset when the door doesn’t open; there is no need to break down the door because it wouldn’t open. It is not the door’s fault. It is not the lock’s fault. And sometimes, it is not even the key’s fault. But if a key doesn’t work then we need to try a different key to open the door on our submissives.
Banging the door, breaking it in half, ripping it from the doorframe only serves to scare the submissive. My response to the door makes them question their approach, question what they are doing, making a seemingly stable environment — become unstable. I have my keys,  I respect them,  I know them, and I am cognizant when they fail, when they are in need of repair, or when they work well. Breaking a key inside of a lock causes more grief and exasperation.
And the beauty of it all:

I hold the keys to the success or failure of my relationship

 

 

 

.

The Expectations

I have responsibilities and I also seek responsibilities
I have the responsibility to develop , learn and understand my submissive.
I have the responsibility to be strong and independent. I have the responsibility to be wise and patient, and to be controlled and in control of ourselves and my submissive.

I have to accept accountability for whatever happens with my submissive.
I have the responsibility to take responsibility (and accountability) for both our actions, and my submissives’ actions.
Well, submissive responsibilities exist too. (No, not “suck my dick daily” kinds of responsibilities).Responsibilities in submission are supposed to include communication with me as a Dominant. Having patience with the relationship. Working to build trust with me. And having realistic expectations of the relationship, while understanding the meaning of discretion when things need work. You know…all the stuff below?

Remember Patience
Patience is a virtue, virtue is a grace, and grace is importent.
When you start dating someone – you don’t ask them to marry you the first week out. Nor the first month, or (hopefully) the first year. So why are you in a rush to be “collared” immediately? Why is there this pressure to invent a myriad variety of “collars” to validate every single status change in the relationship? Date. Hang out. Talk.
Communicate on fantasies and find the common  fetishes and kinks.
It takes time before a Dominant becomes YOUR Master. It takes time for me to learn your way, It takes experience to recognize your body language, it takes time to understand how my submissive is thinking.

Have Realistic Expectations
You aren’t perfect? Well, neither am I. I seek to learn every day. I am constantly working on those imperfections, through self-help, personal exploration, educational classes, and reading.
It takes a lot of work to build a relationship – and that relationship has to be built from both ends. I understand that you are giving a lot when you surrender your body, soul and mind to me as a Dominant , I respect off course this highly.
BDSM is beautiful , some of the Pictures and the stories are just Perfect……..But this is not everyday life.
A BDSM relationship in the Movies or books are fiction.
An fantasies of a Superman/Batman Dominant are also fiction, a true Dominant has strenghts and weeknesses.

Consistency
I do the best I can to enforce the rules and follow thru consistently.
There’s something to be said for a sub who is the same Level in her level of devotion, her level of commitment, and her level of caring. I motivate, I train, and I guide. But if you’re giving us a different persona and a different level of submission every other day… will make the relationship very hard, and will be hard for me as a Dominant also to be conscientious.
Off course there is no such thing as a calm seas at all times in any relationships, but thats something totally differnt then consistently.

Trust
A
ctual trust, not “earn it or else” trust
Nobody trust  immediately from word one. That would be insane.
You’ve heard the old adage “trust takes time”? Well, trust also takes effort. And communication , from both parties. Trust is always a two way street.
As a Dominant I cherish trust, but trust is always about giving and reciving.
Trust is never a Dominant only responsibility, my submissive has to win my trust.

Sanity
This is a no brainer. But unfortunately, it rarely gets spoken of in our lifestyle.
We all have our issues and I can give much to my submissive but im not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but I respect that we all can have expirences in Our lives that can be hard to cope With and life is brutally hard sometimes. Entering deeply emotional and effort-related relationships demands that both parties are open and honest about who we are, where we stand and whats Our story.

Stop Recycling the Past
Expirience Counts, and hell ya its the defeats and how we turned defeat to expirience that makes us who we are.
But that said…this is us, starting fresh.This is a new relationship and maybe you as a submissive is New to the BDSM relationship.
I have met a lot of submissives over time, each one of them have taught me a lesson.
But im not in a search to copy my past, I want to create the New beginning, this should off course be the same for my submissive.

Honest Effort and Understanding
You might want us to know how hard submission is? Well, I want you to know how hard Domination is.I say there is a deep dimensions in the emotional and psychological impact.
For both me and my submissive, this could be hard and tough at times…..
I demand therfor a honest effort and understanding for the responsibillity I cary.
As like I respect my submissives effort in learing and developing.

Communication
Domination AND submission. Master AND slave. Top AND bottom. You AND me, Please note the “and”  It means that just as much as you expect me as a  Dominant to communicate with you about your training and performance…I expect the same of you.
This is what I Call the circle of BDSM realationship.
If you can’t communicate to me as a Domiant this would be like the blind leading the deaf.
I have a lot of skills, but since im not Batman or Superman, I do not have the gift to read Your toughts…
The better you as a submissive communicate, the better Dominant I will be.

The Start

All good things have a start.
This is NOT a blog about the “born” Dominants or the naturaly  submissives.
As I have blogged about before, I am a beliver that a Dominant is beeing Dominant thru his expiriences, his life choises, his  morality and ethics , and his ability to learn and develop to mention a few things….And yes there are a some Genetic in play….
I dare to say that this also will be the same for a submissive.
The commen introduction to the BDSM world are after the breakup of a long term relationship, a divorce or when you have reached a certain age and dose of life experience.  Regardless of the actual trigger some things seem to remain fairly consistent in a majority of the newcomer’s experiences.

Emergence is the emerging from vanilla into the BDSM lifestyle, something like emerging from a cocoon. This is a process that takes years. It has been my experience that there are several phases that seem to be consistent during this emerging process. At the onset many people are uncertain ‘where’ they might fall in this new world and they may have conflicting fantasies which in essence tell them merely that ‘things’ in this lifestyle seem to address images, fantasies, thoughts, hopes and dreams which have lingered just below the surface of the individual’s life sometimes for many, many years. Too often the individual jumps at what they think they might be. Choosing this role helps them fit it. They find they can learn the lingo, talk the talk fairly quickly and be accepted.

There are several problems with an introduction into the BDSM world in this way. One of the most significant is the case of the new telling the new what to do. This is the blind leading the blind.. There are those who are not BDSM at all but what the community call vanilla kink, these tend to be people looking for quick, easy, cheap sexual contacts and affairs with that ‘edge’ of kinky that they cannot find in their vanilla life. There are those seeking to prey upon the new and innocent by promoting themselves as something they are not. These can be sociopaths who enjoy injuring and even ruining people. Then we have people who are real life BDSM who also enjoy making friends and contacts on the Fetlife or other portals on the web for it is truly an excellent resource and way to connect. For an emergent or newcomer D/s person this might becomes a very dangerous and tangled web.

Sorting out what is real from what is false is never easy.
People have raced to stick ‘labels’ on people in order to classify them. This is just as flawed as the newcomer leaping to ‘become’ something before they have any real comprehension of what that is. An emergent Dominant may after a while just be the everyday asshole who are using a tittel on Fetlife to use women.
I say that there is a problem on Fetlife, that People themself put the labels on who they are. ( yes I know I am stepping on some toes)

The individual should consider the process one of evolution and change. 

 

Let me give a inside tips to the New Dominant:
In a new Dominant you may see this panorama of opportunity. Willing submissives everywhere. but when the party is over the real life begins then you will learn that ‘managing’ a submissive is quite difficult.  Therefore it is so crusial to take active steps to educate themselves in the real life BDSM world prior to assuming a Dominant role and engaging the attentions of one or more submissives.I do belive the things can be said for many submissives though in general I find that more submissives actively educate themselves than Dominants. At least in the beginning.

It becomes especially dangerous when the submissive creates fabrications of safety based on ‘how wonderful’ this  Dominant is or the want to copy there dreams or fantasies of what a BDSM relationship really is all about. Many feel it is unseemly to question someone too closely and can even feel that such questioning may appear to be a lack of trust.

This is a journey for a Dominants and also of course for the submissives.
The Journey is a inner self is a process that takes alot of time, both Individualitie and when I as a Dominant and submissive starts a common journey.
Time is so essential both to learn Your inner self, and also spend time to learn about Your partner, more then just Learning the kinks and Beyond the whips and Chains.
I always say:
Things around us that was built for over 100 of years ago have at least one thing in common.
It took time to build.

 

 

 

 

The rules

Rules in a Bdsm relationship is important.
Beacause the rules are given to my submissive for her to understand and the rules are there to molde her, develop her, secure her and reminding both my submissive and me as a Dominant what i aspect of my submissive.
Rules are the core of a realationship and they are set to help my submissive.
So i often hear a submissive ask me “what rules are you going to give me? ” “How are you going to punish me if I break a rule?”

Well the answer at that point is , I do not know. I talk to sub all the time on Fetlife and also talking to submissives i know personally they tell me , about meeting new Dominants and the 50 rules they give, and most want the submissive to memorize everyone, and not in order. I myself find such behavior not only childish, controlling, insecure, inconsiderate , okay you get the idea.

I myself, take the time to get to know my submissive, inside and out. I want to know what she is going to say before she speaks. I want to know her thoughts, and most of all her bad habits and her ways. This is where the rules come in.

Rules are set in place to help, and to guide. I want my submissive to grow, blossom, be the best she can be. I want to motivate, through positive reinforcement.

A good submissive needs rules, it makes them feel complete, and they strive to be the best they can be.Ninety percent of the time one will only break a rule, if they feel they are not getting the attention they should be getting.

To many rules can make her feel over whelmed, confusion. Can make her feel as she is walking on eggshells , and last but not least fear.
Fear has a lot of exciting possibilities , but fear will never give you a good Submissive, it will give me a submissive who is using to much of her energy not breaking the rules, and this will prevent the submissive to grow and develop.
Therefor i have few rules for my submissive ( normally a Maximum of 10 rules)
They should be easy to follow and the rules are made for my submissive, not rules i have found on Google. The rules are very personal both for me as a Dominant and my submissive.
One of the important parts of rules are , when one is broken, punishment needs to be giving at that time, and explained why she is being punished. I am sure you get the idea. What I want to do is improve what I have, build her up, encourage her . I want my submissive to be the best she can be, in all aspects of her life.

As a responsible  owner  and Dominant I never make the mistake of not following through punishment if rules are broken, the out come is not good, once you lose that control, you will never regain it back. It is basically over at that point, we are no longer the dominant they need. This the key why rules are given to follow and they are there for my submissives best interest.

The key is  I never to lose my temper, there is no need to yell, scream, belittle , put down, humiliate, before punishing. I like to sit down, and talk about why the rule was broken, and give her the punishment I feel she deserve and afterwords and during the punishment asure that she is going to insure it will not happen again.

As for punishment, this is why I do not give out rules when I first meet someone, I want to get to know my submissive….Only then will rules develop and mould my submissive to the submissive I wish to create.

Rules are given as a gift to the submissive, i think a lot of Dominants forget this crucial part of a Bdsm relationship.

The Control

Dominance is indeed very much about control; exerting it, exploring it, accepting it, playing with it. But above all Dominance is about exercising it. Dominance is an act not so much of exerting control over another as it is of exercising control of myself.

Dominance is as much about what we don’t do as what we do and the self-control it takes to achieve that. As a Dominant I have the potential to seriously emotionally or physically harm a submissive or simply use the power that has been granted them in self-serving ways to the detriment of the submissive. But me as a competent and caring Dominant does none of those things, certainly not with intent, and achieves that through the exercise of self-control.

Self-control is in point of fact the wellspring of my Dominance.

When me and my Dominant’s self-control is coupled with empathy and a genuine desire that my submissive be their very best self, it is like a moth to the flame for my submissive. It is one thing to sound dominant, it is entirely another to actually BE Dominant. Lots of people can play at being a Dominant for a time but to truly have an enduring D/s relationship requires something that cannot be faked or played at. It requires a genuine commitment to the betterment of my submissive, enduring patience and selflessness, and above all, self-control in times of extreme desire, frustration, or challenge.

Having the self-control not to go too far in a scene is one thing. Having the self-control not to lash out in anger is another. But having the self-control to face a truculent, high-maintenance, frustrated or even a crying submissive with calm and patience is far, far harder. Indeed, it is the self-control exhibited by me as a Dominant in these times of trial that often most attracts the submissive and maintains their devotion. Often the submissive is a strong person seeking someone who is even stronger. And when the storm is over the Dominant stands straight and dependable as ever. This is what keeps the submissive coming back. This is what garners the devotion. This IS Dominance, this is the responsibility to protect her, the core of dominance.

Any sizable man can grab a fist full of a submissive’s hair and pull them to their knees in response to provocation and sometimes this is not entirely the wrong thing to do. But the self-control it takes to look a submissive in the eyes and calmly bring them to their knees without ever touching them? Without even saying a word? Or perhaps with a gentle touch to the shoulder in combination with a look? That is Dominance and that is pure will and self-control at work. It would be so easy to fight back, overpower, verbally spar, argue, order, etc. But control, real control, comes from the power of calm. A look, a gesture, firm words softly uttered can be so much more impactful.

And finally there is patience. Patience is yet another form of self-control.As A Dominant I control my own impulsive tendencies for the benefit of my submissive and the relationship.  The fact that I as a Dominant has the self-discipline and self-control not to take everything they could have, not to just grab the situation , but rather to savor and linger without gluttony attracts the submissive to give ever more. I can afford to be patient because through my self-control and desire for the development of my submissive.

So while some fake dominant is indeed attempting to exercise some level of control over their submissive, in reality the power that enables that control comes first, foremost and ultimately from the ability to control my self. If I want a submissive to be attracted to me and devoted to me as her owner for more than the fleeting intense romance period of first meeting and early days, my maine interest is not in a desire to control another her, but rather a desire to control myself. Beacause when I do that, and a submissive will see you for the Dominant  I truly are and am, she will given me what I need.

The need to protect, guide and have a good relationship built on a good fundation of BDSM , and the hardest part about all of this is it starts by be able to fully Control myself !

The giver and the taker

There are really two kind of people when it comes to relationships and it shows even more in a BDSM relationship, where the dynamic between the two parties are so relavant and crucial. 

Those that give, and those that take. Now this isn’t always a bad thing. It’s okay for one person in the relationship to be more of a giver and one to be more of a taker I`ve even assert that it is a advantage to the relationship where there is this differnce.

Both the givers and the takers have their pros and cons, and like I said earlier, it’s not necessarily a bad thing to be one or the other in a relationship.  acknowledge these things and work on them with your partner so that you can  advance on in the relationship. In order for the relationship to develop, both the giver and the taker will need to work on certain things.

The best advice I can give is :

To learn from each other and grow together 🙂
This will create a exciting dynamic , and this dynamic will create a bound of understanding between me as a Dominant and my submissive.

Dominants and submissives are equals. Period. No ifs, ands or buts about it.
But still we are differnt, and this differnce creates the dynamics, the dynamics thats so crusial for a good BDSM relationship.
Just because I am the Dominant partner does not dismiss the fact that my submissive is on equal footing with me. It’s a matter of the relationship and respect for her. 

However you call the bond between a Dominant and a submissive, there exists a very real and breathing relationship between two people. And in the D/s relationship it takes two types of people to make a D/s relationship work correctly, a Dominant and a submissive. The typical giver and the typical taker among many other things.

It does go beyond just needing a Dominant and a submissive in a D/s relationship to make equals. Each person in whatever type of relationship you have with anyone you are involved with has a set of expectations, a set of rules and a set of priorities we recognize about each other.
The D/s relationship is no different. Now I have heard the argument, “I am the Dominant, so I set the rules, the expectations and the priorities”. Well good for you, don’t all of us Dominants do that? Yes, but only the foolish don’t realize we can only set these rules and expectations and priorities to a partner who as an equal has her own set of rules, expectations and priorities her needs.
As much as I as a Dominant expects a submissive to follow her concepts of rules, expectations and priorities, a Dominant must be willing to do likewise for a submissive. Both partners need something within a relationship. Rules and protocol for me as a Dominant is very important.

A submissive who is treated as an equal instead of a lesser being is more apt to be more self-assured, she will be stronger ,she will grow and develop even more , thats the greatest goal for me as a Dominant.
Charish the difference as a giver and a taker, build a foundation around that we are equal but different and most importently
Communicate and make the difference our common strenght in the relationship.
Ahhh this BDSM world is amazing ! 

The training of a Dominant

I quess you have read a lot of blogs and discussions on Fetlife about how to Train Your submissive.
In my opinion, all the talk in BDSM circles about “training a submissive” is wrong-headed. No standard training regime is required to be a good submissive partner. In reality, it is we the Dominants who require the training, and not simply on how to wave a whip safely or spank a submissive.

I need training, Dominants  need training, or knowledge and practice, because we assume the authority in the relationship. The ability to retain and wield authority responsibly, and consistently over time, is not innate—there are no “born dominants” as I have stated in other blogs.
One must acquire and develop these skills, and doing so can take years. Even accurately perceiving your own words and tone as you speak can be challenging, as is choosing an effective mix of substance and style to convey a specific demand.

Although one can find workshops presented by dominant men or women describing their own experiences with D/s, there are no accredited schools for dominant lovers. Most Dominants therefore educate themselves, hopefully with some mentoring by other wise People maybe outside the BDSM world.. But for most of us, we are trained by trial and error within our relationships, causing our submissives and ourselves suffering when we as Dominants fuck up.

For submissives, the only skills which all must master are emotional and interpersonal best practices, like honesty,respect clear communication, sound boundaries, managing emotions, awareness of triggers, focus in the present—which aren’t specific to kinky relationships. Submissives who tend to have a strong psychological subspace response should also learn to handle that. Whatever other abilities that a particular Dominant desires his love to obtain can be taught at the appropriate moment as their romance unfolds.

And I as a Dominant do indeed teach their subs many things, especially how to recognize and fulfill their needs & desires, and also life skills beneficial to their partners. Different Dominants naturally teach different lessons. But to be an effective teacher, a Dominant must first learn his sub; her strengths and weaknesses, how she absorbs and embraces new ideas or behaviors. Next, I must adapt his ways of instructing and guiding to her. Teaching is a lot easier if you understand how the submissive thinks and learns!

Having a mentor is the closest that most Dominants and subs get to actual training. The most productive mentoring relationships are dom-to-dom and sub-to-sub, although the other combinations can also work. Mentoring is largely conversational; it happens over coffee, on the phone, via the Internet. While mentoring may occur within a romance, a relationship formed for the purpose of mentoring should not become sexual, as that creates a conflict of interest for the mentor. A mentor’s goal must be the growth and success of his protégé.
A mentor could also offcourse be outside the BDSM world, this is the solution I have choosen.
The best part is that she is a she and she have tought me things I never in my life never tought about at all. And when you learn Things you never ever has tought about…..then you are really Learning something.
And I seek knowledge and learn to understand myself as a Man and a Dominant still after 3 longtime D/s relationships, this should be a motivational factor to all the Dominants out there.
Because when you learn , you develop and are getting stronger in any aspect of the word strong.
Heavy is the crown to carry the responsibillity for myself as a Dominant and the submissive I want to find.

Some couples like to use “training” as a kinky label for getting-to-know-you activities or early BDSM sessions. These really aren’t training per se, but language is a useful romantic lever, so why not “train her” if that feels hot. In the opening stages of a D/s relationship, both partners are best served by simply learning each other. Fitting any two people together, in kinky relationships as much as vanilla ones, is like doing a  puzzle; it takes time and some trial and error. I as a Dominant may need to accommodate a new submissive somewhat to win her trust. Over time, she will of course accommodate him extensively as their trust deepens.

A period of immersion in D/s roles—around the clock for a weekend, a week, or even a month—may be hot and bonding for some couples.However this is not a getting-to-know-you exercise! Only couples with established mutual trust should attempt to dive in such waters.

Some wanna be Dominants like to talk about “breaking a submissive” as a desired outcome of “training”. Sadly for them, people are not horses. You cannot expect to magically level your lover’s limits by putting her under sustained pressure. For many kinky couples, the practice of BDSM is indeed about finding and transcending boundaries, over time. Someone facing a boundary to be crossed must decide to do so; forcing them across is almost always damaging, to the individual and the pair

So my advice to subs is: “Don’t seek BDSM training; work on your emotional and interpersonal skills, and seek a capable, sincere , honest Dominant. To my Dominant friends : “Definitely seek education and mentoring; what you wish to achieve is hard!” A Dominants responsibilities—wielding authority wisely, and teaching and guiding his partner—are not easy, and not inborn. Learning these skills takes focus and practice, and wisdom from those with some mastery of them. Becoming that to which you aspire is a long and often a hard journey.
All of this will make me even better for the new submissive I will find somewhere out there.
And if I improve, and I still will be working on being a better Man and Dominant this will be a two way win street , for me and my new submissive !

The Cage and Obedience

The cage will always be the main physiological tool for me to make a good well focused slave. And that, is what all this is about, don’t you think?

Almost always, they ask when the next obedience class is and how to sign up. I then explain to them that while obedience training is a very important factor in raising a well-mannered, focused slave, obedience training is not the cure for every slave training problem.  Behavior Modification is the means to resolving behavioral issues.

tumblr_nmcu9mpOqg1s33cvuo1_500

 

Obedience Cage training my slave is not punishment for her, Cage training is all about control and taking my slave into the mindset of complete surrender of will.
The cage is HER place and it will in time be where she feels safe, secure and finds comfort. Once she comes to that conclusion she has taken a level forward in letting go. she has finally accepted who she is and that she is an owned slave without the will to be back in control again. training a slave while very important in her training cannot accomplish behavior modification. In fact, teaching obedience commands to solve a behavioral problem can and often does get in the way of helping the slave resolve her problem.

Obedience should be the single most important concern for my slave, and this releases the slave from almost all other concerns. Obedience is the foremost principle through which right and wrong is assessed by me as a Owner.

Behavior modification utilizes the behaviors differently. Significantly, behavior modification programs address the underlying reasons for the problem behaviors. This is done by identifying, analyzing and appropriately reconditioning the slave’s out ward physical signs which indicate the slave’s internal physiological and psychological state. It is the underlying physiological and psychological state that behavior modification alters and which obedience training cannot address. Although there are similarities among obedience training and behavior modification, behavior modification differs in goal, outcome and reward structure. It IS hard work and there are no quick fixes.

The vast majority of behavior problems that are presented to me are the result of inappropriate communication, over-permissiveness (spoiling) other times, problems are simply the result of unfortunate relationship dynamics. Fortunately, most of these problems are resolvable with good work from me as Dominant. It always important my slave is the clay, with the whip I will shape her , with humility I will mold her and her true beauty lies in her obedience for my her Owner , how I mold, raise and training my slave will have a huge impact on how my slave develops.
A slave is the most precious possession I as a Dominant own.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑