The rules

Rules in a Bdsm relationship is important.
Beacause the rules are given to my submissive for her to understand and the rules are there to molde her, develop her, secure her and reminding both my submissive and me as a Dominant what i aspect of my submissive.
Rules are the core of a realationship and they are set to help my submissive.
So i often hear a submissive ask me “what rules are you going to give me? ” “How are you going to punish me if I break a rule?”

Well the answer at that point is , I do not know. I talk to sub all the time on Fetlife and also talking to submissives i know personally they tell me , about meeting new Dominants and the 50 rules they give, and most want the submissive to memorize everyone, and not in order. I myself find such behavior not only childish, controlling, insecure, inconsiderate , okay you get the idea.

I myself, take the time to get to know my submissive, inside and out. I want to know what she is going to say before she speaks. I want to know her thoughts, and most of all her bad habits and her ways. This is where the rules come in.

Rules are set in place to help, and to guide. I want my submissive to grow, blossom, be the best she can be. I want to motivate, through positive reinforcement.

A good submissive needs rules, it makes them feel complete, and they strive to be the best they can be.Ninety percent of the time one will only break a rule, if they feel they are not getting the attention they should be getting.

To many rules can make her feel over whelmed, confusion. Can make her feel as she is walking on eggshells , and last but not least fear.
Fear has a lot of exciting possibilities , but fear will never give you a good Submissive, it will give me a submissive who is using to much of her energy not breaking the rules, and this will prevent the submissive to grow and develop.
Therefor i have few rules for my submissive ( normally a Maximum of 10 rules)
They should be easy to follow and the rules are made for my submissive, not rules i have found on Google. The rules are very personal both for me as a Dominant and my submissive.
One of the important parts of rules are , when one is broken, punishment needs to be giving at that time, and explained why she is being punished. I am sure you get the idea. What I want to do is improve what I have, build her up, encourage her . I want my submissive to be the best she can be, in all aspects of her life.

As a responsible  owner  and Dominant I never make the mistake of not following through punishment if rules are broken, the out come is not good, once you lose that control, you will never regain it back. It is basically over at that point, we are no longer the dominant they need. This the key why rules are given to follow and they are there for my submissives best interest.

The key is  I never to lose my temper, there is no need to yell, scream, belittle , put down, humiliate, before punishing. I like to sit down, and talk about why the rule was broken, and give her the punishment I feel she deserve and afterwords and during the punishment asure that she is going to insure it will not happen again.

As for punishment, this is why I do not give out rules when I first meet someone, I want to get to know my submissive….Only then will rules develop and mould my submissive to the submissive I wish to create.

Rules are given as a gift to the submissive, i think a lot of Dominants forget this crucial part of a Bdsm relationship.


The Control

Dominance is indeed very much about control; exerting it, exploring it, accepting it, playing with it. But above all Dominance is about exercising it. Dominance is an act not so much of exerting control over another as it is of exercising control of myself.

Dominance is as much about what we don’t do as what we do and the self-control it takes to achieve that. As a Dominant I have the potential to seriously emotionally or physically harm a submissive or simply use the power that has been granted them in self-serving ways to the detriment of the submissive. But me as a competent and caring Dominant does none of those things, certainly not with intent, and achieves that through the exercise of self-control.

Self-control is in point of fact the wellspring of my Dominance.

When me and my Dominant’s self-control is coupled with empathy and a genuine desire that my submissive be their very best self, it is like a moth to the flame for my submissive. It is one thing to sound dominant, it is entirely another to actually BE Dominant. Lots of people can play at being a Dominant for a time but to truly have an enduring D/s relationship requires something that cannot be faked or played at. It requires a genuine commitment to the betterment of my submissive, enduring patience and selflessness, and above all, self-control in times of extreme desire, frustration, or challenge.

Having the self-control not to go too far in a scene is one thing. Having the self-control not to lash out in anger is another. But having the self-control to face a truculent, high-maintenance, frustrated or even a crying submissive with calm and patience is far, far harder. Indeed, it is the self-control exhibited by me as a Dominant in these times of trial that often most attracts the submissive and maintains their devotion. Often the submissive is a strong person seeking someone who is even stronger. And when the storm is over the Dominant stands straight and dependable as ever. This is what keeps the submissive coming back. This is what garners the devotion. This IS Dominance, this is the responsibility to protect her, the core of dominance.

Any sizable man can grab a fist full of a submissive’s hair and pull them to their knees in response to provocation and sometimes this is not entirely the wrong thing to do. But the self-control it takes to look a submissive in the eyes and calmly bring them to their knees without ever touching them? Without even saying a word? Or perhaps with a gentle touch to the shoulder in combination with a look? That is Dominance and that is pure will and self-control at work. It would be so easy to fight back, overpower, verbally spar, argue, order, etc. But control, real control, comes from the power of calm. A look, a gesture, firm words softly uttered can be so much more impactful.

And finally there is patience. Patience is yet another form of self-control.As A Dominant I control my own impulsive tendencies for the benefit of my submissive and the relationship.  The fact that I as a Dominant has the self-discipline and self-control not to take everything they could have, not to just grab the situation , but rather to savor and linger without gluttony attracts the submissive to give ever more. I can afford to be patient because through my self-control and desire for the development of my submissive.

So while some fake dominant is indeed attempting to exercise some level of control over their submissive, in reality the power that enables that control comes first, foremost and ultimately from the ability to control my self. If I want a submissive to be attracted to me and devoted to me as her owner for more than the fleeting intense romance period of first meeting and early days, my maine interest is not in a desire to control another her, but rather a desire to control myself. Beacause when I do that, and a submissive will see you for the Dominant  I truly are and am, she will given me what I need.

The need to protect, guide and have a good relationship built on a good fundation of BDSM , and the hardest part about all of this is it starts by be able to fully Control myself !

The giver and the taker

There are really two kind of people when it comes to relationships and it shows even more in a BDSM relationship, where the dynamic between the two parties are so relavant and crucial. 

Those that give, and those that take. Now this isn’t always a bad thing. It’s okay for one person in the relationship to be more of a giver and one to be more of a taker I`ve even assert that it is a advantage to the relationship where there is this differnce.

Both the givers and the takers have their pros and cons, and like I said earlier, it’s not necessarily a bad thing to be one or the other in a relationship.  acknowledge these things and work on them with your partner so that you can  advance on in the relationship. In order for the relationship to develop, both the giver and the taker will need to work on certain things.

The best advice I can give is :

To learn from each other and grow together 🙂
This will create a exciting dynamic , and this dynamic will create a bound of understanding between me as a Dominant and my submissive.

Dominants and submissives are equals. Period. No ifs, ands or buts about it.
But still we are differnt, and this differnce creates the dynamics, the dynamics thats so crusial for a good BDSM relationship.
Just because I am the Dominant partner does not dismiss the fact that my submissive is on equal footing with me. It’s a matter of the relationship and respect for her. 

However you call the bond between a Dominant and a submissive, there exists a very real and breathing relationship between two people. And in the D/s relationship it takes two types of people to make a D/s relationship work correctly, a Dominant and a submissive. The typical giver and the typical taker among many other things.

It does go beyond just needing a Dominant and a submissive in a D/s relationship to make equals. Each person in whatever type of relationship you have with anyone you are involved with has a set of expectations, a set of rules and a set of priorities we recognize about each other.
The D/s relationship is no different. Now I have heard the argument, “I am the Dominant, so I set the rules, the expectations and the priorities”. Well good for you, don’t all of us Dominants do that? Yes, but only the foolish don’t realize we can only set these rules and expectations and priorities to a partner who as an equal has her own set of rules, expectations and priorities her needs.
As much as I as a Dominant expects a submissive to follow her concepts of rules, expectations and priorities, a Dominant must be willing to do likewise for a submissive. Both partners need something within a relationship. Rules and protocol for me as a Dominant is very important.

A submissive who is treated as an equal instead of a lesser being is more apt to be more self-assured, she will be stronger ,she will grow and develop even more , thats the greatest goal for me as a Dominant.
Charish the difference as a giver and a taker, build a foundation around that we are equal but different and most importently
Communicate and make the difference our common strenght in the relationship.
Ahhh this BDSM world is amazing ! 

The training of a Dominant

I quess you have read a lot of blogs and discussions on Fetlife about how to Train Your submissive.
In my opinion, all the talk in BDSM circles about “training a submissive” is wrong-headed. No standard training regime is required to be a good submissive partner. In reality, it is we the Dominants who require the training, and not simply on how to wave a whip safely or spank a submissive.

I need training, Dominants  need training, or knowledge and practice, because we assume the authority in the relationship. The ability to retain and wield authority responsibly, and consistently over time, is not innate—there are no “born dominants” as I have stated in other blogs.
One must acquire and develop these skills, and doing so can take years. Even accurately perceiving your own words and tone as you speak can be challenging, as is choosing an effective mix of substance and style to convey a specific demand.

Although one can find workshops presented by dominant men or women describing their own experiences with D/s, there are no accredited schools for dominant lovers. Most Dominants therefore educate themselves, hopefully with some mentoring by other wise People maybe outside the BDSM world.. But for most of us, we are trained by trial and error within our relationships, causing our submissives and ourselves suffering when we as Dominants fuck up.

For submissives, the only skills which all must master are emotional and interpersonal best practices, like honesty,respect clear communication, sound boundaries, managing emotions, awareness of triggers, focus in the present—which aren’t specific to kinky relationships. Submissives who tend to have a strong psychological subspace response should also learn to handle that. Whatever other abilities that a particular Dominant desires his love to obtain can be taught at the appropriate moment as their romance unfolds.

And I as a Dominant do indeed teach their subs many things, especially how to recognize and fulfill their needs & desires, and also life skills beneficial to their partners. Different Dominants naturally teach different lessons. But to be an effective teacher, a Dominant must first learn his sub; her strengths and weaknesses, how she absorbs and embraces new ideas or behaviors. Next, I must adapt his ways of instructing and guiding to her. Teaching is a lot easier if you understand how the submissive thinks and learns!

Having a mentor is the closest that most Dominants and subs get to actual training. The most productive mentoring relationships are dom-to-dom and sub-to-sub, although the other combinations can also work. Mentoring is largely conversational; it happens over coffee, on the phone, via the Internet. While mentoring may occur within a romance, a relationship formed for the purpose of mentoring should not become sexual, as that creates a conflict of interest for the mentor. A mentor’s goal must be the growth and success of his protégé.
A mentor could also offcourse be outside the BDSM world, this is the solution I have choosen.
The best part is that she is a she and she have tought me things I never in my life never tought about at all. And when you learn Things you never ever has tought about…..then you are really Learning something.
And I seek knowledge and learn to understand myself as a Man and a Dominant still after 3 longtime D/s relationships, this should be a motivational factor to all the Dominants out there.
Because when you learn , you develop and are getting stronger in any aspect of the word strong.
Heavy is the crown to carry the responsibillity for myself as a Dominant and the submissive I want to find.

Some couples like to use “training” as a kinky label for getting-to-know-you activities or early BDSM sessions. These really aren’t training per se, but language is a useful romantic lever, so why not “train her” if that feels hot. In the opening stages of a D/s relationship, both partners are best served by simply learning each other. Fitting any two people together, in kinky relationships as much as vanilla ones, is like doing a  puzzle; it takes time and some trial and error. I as a Dominant may need to accommodate a new submissive somewhat to win her trust. Over time, she will of course accommodate him extensively as their trust deepens.

A period of immersion in D/s roles—around the clock for a weekend, a week, or even a month—may be hot and bonding for some couples.However this is not a getting-to-know-you exercise! Only couples with established mutual trust should attempt to dive in such waters.

Some wanna be Dominants like to talk about “breaking a submissive” as a desired outcome of “training”. Sadly for them, people are not horses. You cannot expect to magically level your lover’s limits by putting her under sustained pressure. For many kinky couples, the practice of BDSM is indeed about finding and transcending boundaries, over time. Someone facing a boundary to be crossed must decide to do so; forcing them across is almost always damaging, to the individual and the pair

So my advice to subs is: “Don’t seek BDSM training; work on your emotional and interpersonal skills, and seek a capable, sincere , honest Dominant. To my Dominant friends : “Definitely seek education and mentoring; what you wish to achieve is hard!” A Dominants responsibilities—wielding authority wisely, and teaching and guiding his partner—are not easy, and not inborn. Learning these skills takes focus and practice, and wisdom from those with some mastery of them. Becoming that to which you aspire is a long and often a hard journey.
All of this will make me even better for the new submissive I will find somewhere out there.
And if I improve, and I still will be working on being a better Man and Dominant this will be a two way win street , for me and my new submissive !

The Cage and Obedience

The cage will always be the main physiological tool for me to make a good well focused slave. And that, is what all this is about, don’t you think?

Almost always, they ask when the next obedience class is and how to sign up. I then explain to them that while obedience training is a very important factor in raising a well-mannered, focused slave, obedience training is not the cure for every slave training problem.  Behavior Modification is the means to resolving behavioral issues.



Obedience Cage training my slave is not punishment for her, Cage training is all about control and taking my slave into the mindset of complete surrender of will.
The cage is HER place and it will in time be where she feels safe, secure and finds comfort. Once she comes to that conclusion she has taken a level forward in letting go. she has finally accepted who she is and that she is an owned slave without the will to be back in control again. training a slave while very important in her training cannot accomplish behavior modification. In fact, teaching obedience commands to solve a behavioral problem can and often does get in the way of helping the slave resolve her problem.

Obedience should be the single most important concern for my slave, and this releases the slave from almost all other concerns. Obedience is the foremost principle through which right and wrong is assessed by me as a Owner.

Behavior modification utilizes the behaviors differently. Significantly, behavior modification programs address the underlying reasons for the problem behaviors. This is done by identifying, analyzing and appropriately reconditioning the slave’s out ward physical signs which indicate the slave’s internal physiological and psychological state. It is the underlying physiological and psychological state that behavior modification alters and which obedience training cannot address. Although there are similarities among obedience training and behavior modification, behavior modification differs in goal, outcome and reward structure. It IS hard work and there are no quick fixes.

The vast majority of behavior problems that are presented to me are the result of inappropriate communication, over-permissiveness (spoiling) other times, problems are simply the result of unfortunate relationship dynamics. Fortunately, most of these problems are resolvable with good work from me as Dominant. It always important my slave is the clay, with the whip I will shape her , with humility I will mold her and her true beauty lies in her obedience for my her Owner , how I mold, raise and training my slave will have a huge impact on how my slave develops.
A slave is the most precious possession I as a Dominant own.

The breath play

Breath play is one of the most effective parts of a BDSM relationship.
We have know  pictures speak more than a thousand Words and in this case this is true!
Breathplay is all about:

I don`t have a safeword for my submissive, but when I chock my submissive she has the opportunity to give me a signal, she knows by tapping my hand twice she gives me a heads up that Im pushing her to her max….. but that beeing said it`s never certain that I stop even if she gives me  the signal.
Im in Control always….thats the Principal of beeing a owner and always be in Control of any given situation.
It is always my responsibility to read and see the reaction of my submissive also when im playing with a higher risk as breathplay is.
Its all about trust and Control, but hell its also about :
Power, belonging, ownership, her sexy neck, my firm grip, strenght , surrender and its HOT as Fuck ! 🙂

I have always enjoyed the power exchange aspects of BDSM. Breath play is an activity I consider to be a perfect demonstration of the control and trust inherent in our relationship. My submissive must trust me implicitly, It puts her completely in my hands and to take control over one of the fundamental requirements for life. That level of power exchange is the essential nature of dominance to me.

Of course, this is a form of edge play. Breath play involves a risk which both my submissive and I as a Dominant need to be aware of.
There are not many Things within the BDSM play thats more effective then breath play.
My submissive told me that its just like a drug beeing chocked by me.
Its highly highly addictive for her, and I know that Im just in the begining of the breath play.

This is the article from wikipedia:

Author John Curra wrote, “The carotid arteries (on either side of the neck) carry oxygen-rich blood from the heart to the brain. When these are compressed, as in strangulation or hanging, the sudden loss of oxygen to the brain and the accumulation of carbon dioxide can increase feelings of giddiness, lightheadedness, and pleasure, all of which will heighten masturbatory sensations.”[2]
Author George Shuman describes the effect as such, “When the brain is deprived of oxygen, it induces a lucid, semi-hallucinogenic state called hypoxia. Combined with orgasm, the rush is said to be no less powerful than cocaine, and highly addictive.”[3]
Concerning hallucinogenic states brought about by chronic hypoxia, Dr. E L Lloyd notes that they may be similar to the hallucinations experienced by climbers at altitude. He further notes that no such state occurs in hypoxia brought about by sudden aircraft decompression at altitude. These findings suggest to him that they do not arrive purely from a lack of oxygen. Upon examining the studies on hypoxia he found that “abnormalities in the cerebral neurochemistry involving one or more of the interconnected neurotransmitters, dopamine, 5-hydroxytryptamine, and β-endorphin had been reported in all the conditions associated with hallucinations.”[4]

The purpose of breath play is a many delightful things. But it is also about achieving a light headed feel from the lack of oxygen which can be a very erotic sensation for my submissive, and hell I haven`t really started yet!!

The Dicipline and the Punishment

Educating ourselves about the differences and the similarities refines our methodology and improves the relationship between me and my submissive.

As with other critical discussion areas within the lifestyle, the philosophies behind discipline and punishment should be fully explored and discussed in the beginning stages of the relationship.
My submissive should know the difference and sholud be shown the difference by acting out and showing her the difference between dicipline and punishment.
So whats the difference ? ?

Discipline is training that corrects. It molds, empowers and enhances my submissive for the better. Punishment comes when there are consequences set for my submissive when she displeases me, breaks a rule, or misbehaves.
Discipline is a teaching relationship that goes on between me and my submissive. It is to mold my submissive into what I not only wants, but feels will improve my submissive. Because if she is improved she will obviously be a better submissive.
To me discipline is the day-to-day structure established for a submissive by me, whose goal is to teach, guide, and mold my submissive how to live to serve me better and also enhance my submissive as a person. The goal of discipline is eventually self-discipline or self-regulation. I can’t baby-sit my submissives 24/7. So I want my submissiv, when I am away from her, to have a system of rules within them that they will use to govern her behavior toward themselves and toward others. Gradually, that molding of the behavior, way of living, thinking and believing becomes self-discipline.
Discipline does not always carry with it punishment. Discipline can be as simple as a look or gesture. Discipline is the reinforcement of behavior. It is the framework where a submissive resides. Sometimes you can have punishment that exists separately from discipline. The two aren’t always linked together, but in certain instances they coincide.
First off punishment is not to be confused with S&M play. S&M is for “enjoyment” – by definition, “play” is typically enjoyed by one or both parties.

Therefore if punishments are consequences of violating rules or otherwise displeasing me, then punishment should be cold, to the point, and not enjoyable by my submissive.

Punishment is something my submissive should want to avoid. There are many that believe a submissive will “purposely” act out to get punished. There are several different reasons why a submissive may act out on purpose.Often times they do not know how to communicate their needs to me as her owner !
I need to have the ability to read and learn my submissive, and also her way of acting.
A punishment should clearly identify what was done wrong, what can be done to correct it, and why the infraction displeased me. I allways clearly identify the means in which the punishment is to be carried out, then it should be handled as soon as possible. After punishment is administered there should be absolution – forgiveness. A process of accepting the consequences and punishment of a violation and moving forward. Once a punishment is carried out, I never carry it over, nor should my submissive keep kicking herself . A punishment is a sense of closure for both me and my submissive and should be embraced as such.
Making the distinction between discipline and punishment is important. It is critical to understand the process of both and how they are separate.
If my submissive is thought the difference it is up to me the owner always to be consecvent on both discepline and punishment.
Because the clearer I am , the better Dominant am I for my submissive.


The goals

We should all have goals in life and I as a  Dominant also  need to set goals for my submissive.
The goals come from training , and again this is just my point of view , what works for me may not work for another Dominant.
What makes our world so awesome is we can be who we want when we want. Our level of communication is just incredible.
As with anything though we all have to take steps. A Dominant has to take steps, it is a progression progress, these steps are guidens to Reach goals and develop as a Man and a Dominant.
Where things blow up or get out of hand ,I as a experienced Dominant always try to find answars and keep a critacial eye on my own actions and never forget to stay focused on my goals.

Just as I set goals for my property I have to set my own clear and goals for where I want to end.
I always say ” Begin With the end in mind”
What do I need ?
What do I have to do to Reach my goal at the end.
Where do I want to be? What type of relationship do I want ? What submissive do I need? Where do I want to be a year from now ? And who is Worth beeing in my life ?
These are steps that we need I think about before I start walking. Yes that even means putting a plan into place and following that plan.
What is more important is when I set my goals I stick to them , and one by one , day by day complete each goal, this is not rocket science and it is much easier than most make it out to be.
Reaching goals is all about choises, the choises must be Clear and by having to choose, you also need to take choises that might be tough at the presant, but will help me to stay focused on: ” Begin With the end in mind”
Destraction from my goals will always just be destraction and the hardest part is sometimes to take the choise over what is a destraction and what will help you to achive what I really want.
Is this selfish ?
Hell Yeah, reachong my goals is all selfish, but I never abouse others or take advantage of others to Reach my own goals.
This is one of the bacic rules of self-developing, My goals should never effect another person in a negative manner.
And as I always say….if it is easy, it just don`t have any value !
And this is just the same about goals……easy goals are just that….EASY !

The upside of everything is it takes work because nothing is handed to you, no one can complete your goals for you.
This is the first rule of being a responsible man and Dominant.
Work and achive something, stay passive and Accept what is handed to you.
This is where my own Worth comes to play…..
A true Dominant Worth has a great value for the right submissive.
I am proactive in my actions, I am proactive in beeing focused on reaching my goals, thats because I know my value, but also my weaknesses.

This is the easy part of setting goals, the hardest part as a Dominant I also have to set Clear goals for my submissive.
This do not mean that I are responsible of her actions, but still iam responsible for her to Reach her goals.
Just by Reading the sentence above you probably understand that helping a submissive Reach her goals, I as a Domiant have only half of the Tools, this makes this part even harder to pursuit.
This is where rules and protocols comes to play for my submissive…..and also therefor the goals I set for my submissive should be easy to understand and always With the focus to improve her, not change her.
Improvement is the biggist motivator in setting goals, and I as a Dominant the prize to see a submissive to Reach her goals and watch her improve !
I started With my own goals, and I also said that my own goals are the easy part.
This is where a true Dominant shows his value because my submissive’s should always come first no matter what.
Why ?
Because when I see other persons develop I get the biggest satisfaction ever possible as a Dominant.
Honesty and integrity first and for most , we want respect but we have to show it first. I need to be truthful from the start.
One of the first things we tell someone we just met is , you must always be truthful, always tell the truth no matter what. I want honesty out of my submissive because I give the same in return.
I am open on goals and what I want to gain to my submissive, because I want my submissive to undertand whats my motivation.

Rules , Structure , Protocols and Goals helps a submissive to fall into place. They key to what I just stated also falls under consistency , and being consistent on a daily basis.By beeing Clear and consistent the submissive will devlop even more.
If I want someone to follow me , I want someone to submit to me , I want someone to turn over Control to me, well then I gotta step up to the plate and promise I can and will step up and I will guide them every step of the way..
When we train we train to fit our needs, we train to fit our wants so it is only fair we give back more than we take. If we take a 100 % we should give back 100% this is what i Call the golden cirkle of Domination.
I never set goals or demands something of my submissive I dont live by my self.
This is the art of giving !
Goals are set for self improvement , goals are set to help in everyday life. Goals can be small or as big as life changing focus.
Goals can be from getting up at a certain time, completing small task through out the day.
All goals should be met with positive reinforcement, reward always work best in the long run.
Some not all but some come with problems , be it self esteem , home life , daily life or just smothered in personal problems, maybe depression or other types of illnesses.
Before anything we should take the time to help mend what ever is going on before we enter the aspect of the relationship.
This is the value of giving before getting anything in Return.
The two in the parties in a relationship should sit down and discuss goals and why they are needed. Goals how ever should not be a punishable offense. Goals and positive Reinforcement does not equal being punished.
Remeber as I just said reward is the key motivator.

If we set goals then I should be there to help , I should be there to guide , and give advice when needed.
Never treat a goal like a rule , because then it is no longer a goal. Goals are meant for self improvement for my submissive.
What I as Dominants want is to see her grow inside and out, I want to build booth up , even if it means just maintaining their health , making sure they are stable.
Once you reach that goal you need to continue support, so I can maintain that Level for my submisisve , and again that comes with positive reinforcement.
So if you are in a relationship and there are no such plans in play , and your relationship is just about rules and being punished , then maybe your best interest as a submissive does not come into play…..

The respect

Do you show respect? This is a question that is only answered by looking at ones actions. Sadly, my only conclusion is that most do not have respect. Instead, they say one thing and do just the opposite, respect is one of the greatest expressions of love and one of the most essential things in a BDSM relationship.
Telling me you respect me and acting in accordance to that ideal are two entirely different matters. Those who bridge the two are those worthy of being owned.

I come across so many who are absolutely don`t understand the meaning of respect.
Something as a Dominant can never be learned to the submissive and the key is respect, as I as a Dominant work hard to maintaine my respect in any value of life, the fall is even greater when the submissive is not aible of showing the same respect to me as a Dominant.
The typical submissive how looses out on respect, is usually the same once who want, demands and need to get the same respect, this is some of lifes biggest Paradox.
To me who holds respect so highly it is a total disaster when a submissive fails on such a key point in a good Bdsm relationship.
Failing on respect might be a sign that the submissive isn`t worth my respect.

Does this sound harsh? Absolutely. But this is a matter that I feel very strongly about.  There is little that happens in the imagery on the web that has to do with BDSM. Pictures of whips and chains are nice; however they do little to tell the real story of what a BDSM relationship is all about

A relationship is an interaction between two people. It is that simple. The feelings that we have in a particular relationship is what distinguishes it from other. BDSM is no different. the goal is to have a  deep emotional connections to some  build on sane safe and consenual dependence where respect, trust, honesty and communication is the bricks and glu that keep the circle glowing.
My understanding of gaining something starts with what you are giving…..
I have never in my life found People who demands something they themself are not willing to give.
Thats why the common respect is crusial.
If the respect is broken, there is often no way back….
Beacuse respect is in the core of who we are, its nothing I as a Dominant can demand of my submissive, its nothing I can spank or punish her to understand….
Saying those Words as a Dominant you proberly figuerd out that respect is not something I demand, it is something I give and get in Return with no questions.

Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners.


That being said, part of the deal is to position oneself so as to make the other person proud. While this might sound a bit superficial, there is a methodology which will show how deep this can go. The actions one takes is what reveals his or her true feelings towards another. Of course, this can often be predicated upon the actions the other person took. Everything we do has consequences. It is important to remember this fact. Monitoring our behaviors help to create positive results.


Being involved in a relationship, or more specifically, a Bdsm relationship, entails showing respect for one and other. This means one will need to alter behavior so as to act in an appropriate manner. In other words, a submissve needs to focus upon doing those things that will make me proud of her. Acting to the contrary tells me that she lacks the respect for not only me, but even herself.

In a relationship and even more importent in a BDSM relationship a submissive is measured in how she is behaving in a way that shows the proper respect for me as a  Dominant… I as a Dominant show my submissive the same respect to her in any aspect of my life……. From the actions that I have witnessed over the years, I will say that is a negative. Many simply behave pathetically when in the presence of others.
How we act in circumstances is something that we can control. While factors such as hight and eye color are outside our realm of influence, what we say and do in front of others is not. Focusing on behaving in a respectful manner is of extreme importance. It is the actions that show how you feel a lot more than the words that you say.

Some believe that simple calling one Owner or Daddy is being respectful. That is not respect, that is words. However, this fails to show any respect whatsoever. Hell, all the online fakes and wannabe submissives easly can say the words, but words and action is  not the same, and the biggest differnce in action and words are in those who really don`t understand the meaning of respect.
Action always prof more then words……thats just the same for me as a Dominant and a submissive.

What shows respect? To answer this, I will tell you to look at the total package from outside of yourself. Simply, how do you think others will view you in different settings? Once you see that, is that is something that I as a Dominante will be proud of? Or, are you an embarrassment of the highest degree? While it might be difficult, I would urge you to be honest. Your relationship is riding upon this very thing.

A submissive who has respect for her Dominant will do everything in her power to ensure that her “presentation” in front of others is in top form. She will dress appropriately. Her body will be cleaned and well maintained. Her every intention is to have him be able to tell anyone “she is mine”.
And the most importent thing she will be PROUD of being mine !

This is equally true for me as a Dominant, I should live and breath for the feeling when she makes me proud and in all my action I should show her how proud I am of her.
I share the same rules as my submissive in giving her what she needs, the biggest disepointment is that she as a Submissive dosen`t do the same in all aspects.
So many think that being dominant entitles them to act like total assholes. That is not being dominant, that is being an asshole. There is a major difference. Someone acting like the later will not garner respect from anyone. Certainly, this will not come from a submissive who is worth a damn. Those who have healthy self-confidence will not want to associate with a looser…Even that is the same for a Dominant and a submissive.


Blog at

Up ↑