The training of a Dominant

I quess you have read a lot of blogs and discussions on Fetlife about how to Train Your submissive.
In my opinion, all the talk in BDSM circles about “training a submissive” is wrong-headed. No standard training regime is required to be a good submissive partner. In reality, it is we the Dominants who require the training, and not simply on how to wave a whip safely or spank a submissive.

I need training, Dominants  need training, or knowledge and practice, because we assume the authority in the relationship. The ability to retain and wield authority responsibly, and consistently over time, is not innate—there are no “born dominants” as I have stated in other blogs.
One must acquire and develop these skills, and doing so can take years. Even accurately perceiving your own words and tone as you speak can be challenging, as is choosing an effective mix of substance and style to convey a specific demand.

Although one can find workshops presented by dominant men or women describing their own experiences with D/s, there are no accredited schools for dominant lovers. Most Dominants therefore educate themselves, hopefully with some mentoring by other wise People maybe outside the BDSM world.. But for most of us, we are trained by trial and error within our relationships, causing our submissives and ourselves suffering when we as Dominants fuck up.

For submissives, the only skills which all must master are emotional and interpersonal best practices, like honesty,respect clear communication, sound boundaries, managing emotions, awareness of triggers, focus in the present—which aren’t specific to kinky relationships. Submissives who tend to have a strong psychological subspace response should also learn to handle that. Whatever other abilities that a particular Dominant desires his love to obtain can be taught at the appropriate moment as their romance unfolds.

And I as a Dominant do indeed teach their subs many things, especially how to recognize and fulfill their needs & desires, and also life skills beneficial to their partners. Different Dominants naturally teach different lessons. But to be an effective teacher, a Dominant must first learn his sub; her strengths and weaknesses, how she absorbs and embraces new ideas or behaviors. Next, I must adapt his ways of instructing and guiding to her. Teaching is a lot easier if you understand how the submissive thinks and learns!

Having a mentor is the closest that most Dominants and subs get to actual training. The most productive mentoring relationships are dom-to-dom and sub-to-sub, although the other combinations can also work. Mentoring is largely conversational; it happens over coffee, on the phone, via the Internet. While mentoring may occur within a romance, a relationship formed for the purpose of mentoring should not become sexual, as that creates a conflict of interest for the mentor. A mentor’s goal must be the growth and success of his protégé.
A mentor could also offcourse be outside the BDSM world, this is the solution I have choosen.
The best part is that she is a she and she have tought me things I never in my life never tought about at all. And when you learn Things you never ever has tought about…..then you are really Learning something.
And I seek knowledge and learn to understand myself as a Man and a Dominant still after 3 longtime D/s relationships, this should be a motivational factor to all the Dominants out there.
Because when you learn , you develop and are getting stronger in any aspect of the word strong.
Heavy is the crown to carry the responsibillity for myself as a Dominant and the submissive I want to find.

Some couples like to use “training” as a kinky label for getting-to-know-you activities or early BDSM sessions. These really aren’t training per se, but language is a useful romantic lever, so why not “train her” if that feels hot. In the opening stages of a D/s relationship, both partners are best served by simply learning each other. Fitting any two people together, in kinky relationships as much as vanilla ones, is like doing a  puzzle; it takes time and some trial and error. I as a Dominant may need to accommodate a new submissive somewhat to win her trust. Over time, she will of course accommodate him extensively as their trust deepens.

A period of immersion in D/s roles—around the clock for a weekend, a week, or even a month—may be hot and bonding for some couples.However this is not a getting-to-know-you exercise! Only couples with established mutual trust should attempt to dive in such waters.

Some wanna be Dominants like to talk about “breaking a submissive” as a desired outcome of “training”. Sadly for them, people are not horses. You cannot expect to magically level your lover’s limits by putting her under sustained pressure. For many kinky couples, the practice of BDSM is indeed about finding and transcending boundaries, over time. Someone facing a boundary to be crossed must decide to do so; forcing them across is almost always damaging, to the individual and the pair

So my advice to subs is: “Don’t seek BDSM training; work on your emotional and interpersonal skills, and seek a capable, sincere , honest Dominant. To my Dominant friends : “Definitely seek education and mentoring; what you wish to achieve is hard!” A Dominants responsibilities—wielding authority wisely, and teaching and guiding his partner—are not easy, and not inborn. Learning these skills takes focus and practice, and wisdom from those with some mastery of them. Becoming that to which you aspire is a long and often a hard journey.
All of this will make me even better for the new submissive I will find somewhere out there.
And if I improve, and I still will be working on being a better Man and Dominant this will be a two way win street , for me and my new submissive !


The Cage and Obedience

The cage will always be the main physiological tool for me to make a good well focused slave. And that, is what all this is about, don’t you think?

Almost always, they ask when the next obedience class is and how to sign up. I then explain to them that while obedience training is a very important factor in raising a well-mannered, focused slave, obedience training is not the cure for every slave training problem.  Behavior Modification is the means to resolving behavioral issues.



Obedience Cage training my slave is not punishment for her, Cage training is all about control and taking my slave into the mindset of complete surrender of will.
The cage is HER place and it will in time be where she feels safe, secure and finds comfort. Once she comes to that conclusion she has taken a level forward in letting go. she has finally accepted who she is and that she is an owned slave without the will to be back in control again. training a slave while very important in her training cannot accomplish behavior modification. In fact, teaching obedience commands to solve a behavioral problem can and often does get in the way of helping the slave resolve her problem.

Obedience should be the single most important concern for my slave, and this releases the slave from almost all other concerns. Obedience is the foremost principle through which right and wrong is assessed by me as a Owner.

Behavior modification utilizes the behaviors differently. Significantly, behavior modification programs address the underlying reasons for the problem behaviors. This is done by identifying, analyzing and appropriately reconditioning the slave’s out ward physical signs which indicate the slave’s internal physiological and psychological state. It is the underlying physiological and psychological state that behavior modification alters and which obedience training cannot address. Although there are similarities among obedience training and behavior modification, behavior modification differs in goal, outcome and reward structure. It IS hard work and there are no quick fixes.

The vast majority of behavior problems that are presented to me are the result of inappropriate communication, over-permissiveness (spoiling) other times, problems are simply the result of unfortunate relationship dynamics. Fortunately, most of these problems are resolvable with good work from me as Dominant. It always important my slave is the clay, with the whip I will shape her , with humility I will mold her and her true beauty lies in her obedience for my her Owner , how I mold, raise and training my slave will have a huge impact on how my slave develops.
A slave is the most precious possession I as a Dominant own.

The breath play

Breath play is one of the most effective parts of a BDSM relationship.
We have know  pictures speak more than a thousand Words and in this case this is true!
Breathplay is all about:

I don`t have a safeword for my submissive, but when I chock my submissive she has the opportunity to give me a signal, she knows by tapping my hand twice she gives me a heads up that Im pushing her to her max….. but that beeing said it`s never certain that I stop even if she gives me  the signal.
Im in Control always….thats the Principal of beeing a owner and always be in Control of any given situation.
It is always my responsibility to read and see the reaction of my submissive also when im playing with a higher risk as breathplay is.
Its all about trust and Control, but hell its also about :
Power, belonging, ownership, her sexy neck, my firm grip, strenght , surrender and its HOT as Fuck ! 🙂

I have always enjoyed the power exchange aspects of BDSM. Breath play is an activity I consider to be a perfect demonstration of the control and trust inherent in our relationship. My submissive must trust me implicitly, It puts her completely in my hands and to take control over one of the fundamental requirements for life. That level of power exchange is the essential nature of dominance to me.

Of course, this is a form of edge play. Breath play involves a risk which both my submissive and I as a Dominant need to be aware of.
There are not many Things within the BDSM play thats more effective then breath play.
My submissive told me that its just like a drug beeing chocked by me.
Its highly highly addictive for her, and I know that Im just in the begining of the breath play.

This is the article from wikipedia:

Author John Curra wrote, “The carotid arteries (on either side of the neck) carry oxygen-rich blood from the heart to the brain. When these are compressed, as in strangulation or hanging, the sudden loss of oxygen to the brain and the accumulation of carbon dioxide can increase feelings of giddiness, lightheadedness, and pleasure, all of which will heighten masturbatory sensations.”[2]
Author George Shuman describes the effect as such, “When the brain is deprived of oxygen, it induces a lucid, semi-hallucinogenic state called hypoxia. Combined with orgasm, the rush is said to be no less powerful than cocaine, and highly addictive.”[3]
Concerning hallucinogenic states brought about by chronic hypoxia, Dr. E L Lloyd notes that they may be similar to the hallucinations experienced by climbers at altitude. He further notes that no such state occurs in hypoxia brought about by sudden aircraft decompression at altitude. These findings suggest to him that they do not arrive purely from a lack of oxygen. Upon examining the studies on hypoxia he found that “abnormalities in the cerebral neurochemistry involving one or more of the interconnected neurotransmitters, dopamine, 5-hydroxytryptamine, and β-endorphin had been reported in all the conditions associated with hallucinations.”[4]

The purpose of breath play is a many delightful things. But it is also about achieving a light headed feel from the lack of oxygen which can be a very erotic sensation for my submissive, and hell I haven`t really started yet!!

The Dicipline and the Punishment

Educating ourselves about the differences and the similarities refines our methodology and improves the relationship between me and my submissive.

As with other critical discussion areas within the lifestyle, the philosophies behind discipline and punishment should be fully explored and discussed in the beginning stages of the relationship.
My submissive should know the difference and sholud be shown the difference by acting out and showing her the difference between dicipline and punishment.
So whats the difference ? ?

Discipline is training that corrects. It molds, empowers and enhances my submissive for the better. Punishment comes when there are consequences set for my submissive when she displeases me, breaks a rule, or misbehaves.
Discipline is a teaching relationship that goes on between me and my submissive. It is to mold my submissive into what I not only wants, but feels will improve my submissive. Because if she is improved she will obviously be a better submissive.
To me discipline is the day-to-day structure established for a submissive by me, whose goal is to teach, guide, and mold my submissive how to live to serve me better and also enhance my submissive as a person. The goal of discipline is eventually self-discipline or self-regulation. I can’t baby-sit my submissives 24/7. So I want my submissiv, when I am away from her, to have a system of rules within them that they will use to govern her behavior toward themselves and toward others. Gradually, that molding of the behavior, way of living, thinking and believing becomes self-discipline.
Discipline does not always carry with it punishment. Discipline can be as simple as a look or gesture. Discipline is the reinforcement of behavior. It is the framework where a submissive resides. Sometimes you can have punishment that exists separately from discipline. The two aren’t always linked together, but in certain instances they coincide.
First off punishment is not to be confused with S&M play. S&M is for “enjoyment” – by definition, “play” is typically enjoyed by one or both parties.

Therefore if punishments are consequences of violating rules or otherwise displeasing me, then punishment should be cold, to the point, and not enjoyable by my submissive.

Punishment is something my submissive should want to avoid. There are many that believe a submissive will “purposely” act out to get punished. There are several different reasons why a submissive may act out on purpose.Often times they do not know how to communicate their needs to me as her owner !
I need to have the ability to read and learn my submissive, and also her way of acting.
A punishment should clearly identify what was done wrong, what can be done to correct it, and why the infraction displeased me. I allways clearly identify the means in which the punishment is to be carried out, then it should be handled as soon as possible. After punishment is administered there should be absolution – forgiveness. A process of accepting the consequences and punishment of a violation and moving forward. Once a punishment is carried out, I never carry it over, nor should my submissive keep kicking herself . A punishment is a sense of closure for both me and my submissive and should be embraced as such.
Making the distinction between discipline and punishment is important. It is critical to understand the process of both and how they are separate.
If my submissive is thought the difference it is up to me the owner always to be consecvent on both discepline and punishment.
Because the clearer I am , the better Dominant am I for my submissive.


The goals

We should all have goals in life and I as a  Dominant also  need to set goals for my submissive.
The goals come from training , and again this is just my point of view , what works for me may not work for another Dominant.
What makes our world so awesome is we can be who we want when we want. Our level of communication is just incredible.
As with anything though we all have to take steps. A Dominant has to take steps, it is a progression progress, these steps are guidens to Reach goals and develop as a Man and a Dominant.
Where things blow up or get out of hand ,I as a experienced Dominant always try to find answars and keep a critacial eye on my own actions and never forget to stay focused on my goals.

Just as I set goals for my property I have to set my own clear and goals for where I want to end.
I always say ” Begin With the end in mind”
What do I need ?
What do I have to do to Reach my goal at the end.
Where do I want to be? What type of relationship do I want ? What submissive do I need? Where do I want to be a year from now ? And who is Worth beeing in my life ?
These are steps that we need I think about before I start walking. Yes that even means putting a plan into place and following that plan.
What is more important is when I set my goals I stick to them , and one by one , day by day complete each goal, this is not rocket science and it is much easier than most make it out to be.
Reaching goals is all about choises, the choises must be Clear and by having to choose, you also need to take choises that might be tough at the presant, but will help me to stay focused on: ” Begin With the end in mind”
Destraction from my goals will always just be destraction and the hardest part is sometimes to take the choise over what is a destraction and what will help you to achive what I really want.
Is this selfish ?
Hell Yeah, reachong my goals is all selfish, but I never abouse others or take advantage of others to Reach my own goals.
This is one of the bacic rules of self-developing, My goals should never effect another person in a negative manner.
And as I always say….if it is easy, it just don`t have any value !
And this is just the same about goals……easy goals are just that….EASY !

The upside of everything is it takes work because nothing is handed to you, no one can complete your goals for you.
This is the first rule of being a responsible man and Dominant.
Work and achive something, stay passive and Accept what is handed to you.
This is where my own Worth comes to play…..
A true Dominant Worth has a great value for the right submissive.
I am proactive in my actions, I am proactive in beeing focused on reaching my goals, thats because I know my value, but also my weaknesses.

This is the easy part of setting goals, the hardest part as a Dominant I also have to set Clear goals for my submissive.
This do not mean that I are responsible of her actions, but still iam responsible for her to Reach her goals.
Just by Reading the sentence above you probably understand that helping a submissive Reach her goals, I as a Domiant have only half of the Tools, this makes this part even harder to pursuit.
This is where rules and protocols comes to play for my submissive…..and also therefor the goals I set for my submissive should be easy to understand and always With the focus to improve her, not change her.
Improvement is the biggist motivator in setting goals, and I as a Dominant the prize to see a submissive to Reach her goals and watch her improve !
I started With my own goals, and I also said that my own goals are the easy part.
This is where a true Dominant shows his value because my submissive’s should always come first no matter what.
Why ?
Because when I see other persons develop I get the biggest satisfaction ever possible as a Dominant.
Honesty and integrity first and for most , we want respect but we have to show it first. I need to be truthful from the start.
One of the first things we tell someone we just met is , you must always be truthful, always tell the truth no matter what. I want honesty out of my submissive because I give the same in return.
I am open on goals and what I want to gain to my submissive, because I want my submissive to undertand whats my motivation.

Rules , Structure , Protocols and Goals helps a submissive to fall into place. They key to what I just stated also falls under consistency , and being consistent on a daily basis.By beeing Clear and consistent the submissive will devlop even more.
If I want someone to follow me , I want someone to submit to me , I want someone to turn over Control to me, well then I gotta step up to the plate and promise I can and will step up and I will guide them every step of the way..
When we train we train to fit our needs, we train to fit our wants so it is only fair we give back more than we take. If we take a 100 % we should give back 100% this is what i Call the golden cirkle of Domination.
I never set goals or demands something of my submissive I dont live by my self.
This is the art of giving !
Goals are set for self improvement , goals are set to help in everyday life. Goals can be small or as big as life changing focus.
Goals can be from getting up at a certain time, completing small task through out the day.
All goals should be met with positive reinforcement, reward always work best in the long run.
Some not all but some come with problems , be it self esteem , home life , daily life or just smothered in personal problems, maybe depression or other types of illnesses.
Before anything we should take the time to help mend what ever is going on before we enter the aspect of the relationship.
This is the value of giving before getting anything in Return.
The two in the parties in a relationship should sit down and discuss goals and why they are needed. Goals how ever should not be a punishable offense. Goals and positive Reinforcement does not equal being punished.
Remeber as I just said reward is the key motivator.

If we set goals then I should be there to help , I should be there to guide , and give advice when needed.
Never treat a goal like a rule , because then it is no longer a goal. Goals are meant for self improvement for my submissive.
What I as Dominants want is to see her grow inside and out, I want to build booth up , even if it means just maintaining their health , making sure they are stable.
Once you reach that goal you need to continue support, so I can maintain that Level for my submisisve , and again that comes with positive reinforcement.
So if you are in a relationship and there are no such plans in play , and your relationship is just about rules and being punished , then maybe your best interest as a submissive does not come into play…..

The respect

Do you show respect? This is a question that is only answered by looking at ones actions. Sadly, my only conclusion is that most do not have respect. Instead, they say one thing and do just the opposite, respect is one of the greatest expressions of love and one of the most essential things in a BDSM relationship.
Telling me you respect me and acting in accordance to that ideal are two entirely different matters. Those who bridge the two are those worthy of being owned.

I come across so many who are absolutely don`t understand the meaning of respect.
Something as a Dominant can never be learned to the submissive and the key is respect, as I as a Dominant work hard to maintaine my respect in any value of life, the fall is even greater when the submissive is not aible of showing the same respect to me as a Dominant.
The typical submissive how looses out on respect, is usually the same once who want, demands and need to get the same respect, this is some of lifes biggest Paradox.
To me who holds respect so highly it is a total disaster when a submissive fails on such a key point in a good Bdsm relationship.
Failing on respect might be a sign that the submissive isn`t worth my respect.

Does this sound harsh? Absolutely. But this is a matter that I feel very strongly about.  There is little that happens in the imagery on the web that has to do with BDSM. Pictures of whips and chains are nice; however they do little to tell the real story of what a BDSM relationship is all about

A relationship is an interaction between two people. It is that simple. The feelings that we have in a particular relationship is what distinguishes it from other. BDSM is no different. the goal is to have a  deep emotional connections to some  build on sane safe and consenual dependence where respect, trust, honesty and communication is the bricks and glu that keep the circle glowing.
My understanding of gaining something starts with what you are giving…..
I have never in my life found People who demands something they themself are not willing to give.
Thats why the common respect is crusial.
If the respect is broken, there is often no way back….
Beacuse respect is in the core of who we are, its nothing I as a Dominant can demand of my submissive, its nothing I can spank or punish her to understand….
Saying those Words as a Dominant you proberly figuerd out that respect is not something I demand, it is something I give and get in Return with no questions.

Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners.


That being said, part of the deal is to position oneself so as to make the other person proud. While this might sound a bit superficial, there is a methodology which will show how deep this can go. The actions one takes is what reveals his or her true feelings towards another. Of course, this can often be predicated upon the actions the other person took. Everything we do has consequences. It is important to remember this fact. Monitoring our behaviors help to create positive results.


Being involved in a relationship, or more specifically, a Bdsm relationship, entails showing respect for one and other. This means one will need to alter behavior so as to act in an appropriate manner. In other words, a submissve needs to focus upon doing those things that will make me proud of her. Acting to the contrary tells me that she lacks the respect for not only me, but even herself.

In a relationship and even more importent in a BDSM relationship a submissive is measured in how she is behaving in a way that shows the proper respect for me as a  Dominant… I as a Dominant show my submissive the same respect to her in any aspect of my life……. From the actions that I have witnessed over the years, I will say that is a negative. Many simply behave pathetically when in the presence of others.
How we act in circumstances is something that we can control. While factors such as hight and eye color are outside our realm of influence, what we say and do in front of others is not. Focusing on behaving in a respectful manner is of extreme importance. It is the actions that show how you feel a lot more than the words that you say.

Some believe that simple calling one Owner or Daddy is being respectful. That is not respect, that is words. However, this fails to show any respect whatsoever. Hell, all the online fakes and wannabe submissives easly can say the words, but words and action is  not the same, and the biggest differnce in action and words are in those who really don`t understand the meaning of respect.
Action always prof more then words……thats just the same for me as a Dominant and a submissive.

What shows respect? To answer this, I will tell you to look at the total package from outside of yourself. Simply, how do you think others will view you in different settings? Once you see that, is that is something that I as a Dominante will be proud of? Or, are you an embarrassment of the highest degree? While it might be difficult, I would urge you to be honest. Your relationship is riding upon this very thing.

A submissive who has respect for her Dominant will do everything in her power to ensure that her “presentation” in front of others is in top form. She will dress appropriately. Her body will be cleaned and well maintained. Her every intention is to have him be able to tell anyone “she is mine”.
And the most importent thing she will be PROUD of being mine !

This is equally true for me as a Dominant, I should live and breath for the feeling when she makes me proud and in all my action I should show her how proud I am of her.
I share the same rules as my submissive in giving her what she needs, the biggest disepointment is that she as a Submissive dosen`t do the same in all aspects.
So many think that being dominant entitles them to act like total assholes. That is not being dominant, that is being an asshole. There is a major difference. Someone acting like the later will not garner respect from anyone. Certainly, this will not come from a submissive who is worth a damn. Those who have healthy self-confidence will not want to associate with a looser…Even that is the same for a Dominant and a submissive.


The punishment

I believe many people in the lifestyle confuse discipline and punishment. Discipline is training that corrects. It molds, empowers and enhances a person for the better. Punishment comes when there are consequences set for the submissive when she displeases me as a Dominant, breaks rules, and or misbehaves.
Discipline is a teaching relationship that goes on between me as a Dominant and my submissive. It is to mold my submissive into what I as Dominant not only wants, but feels will improve my submissive. Because if she is improved she will obviously be a better submissive and person.
To me discipline is the day-to-day structure established for my submissive by me, whose goal is to teach, guide, and mold my submissive how to live to “serve” me better and also enhance my submissive as a person. The goal of discipline is eventually self-discipline or self-regulation. As I have pointed out many times I can’t baby-sit submissives 24/7. So  the rules will help her out to be a better submissive, and therefore it is crucial the rules and the respect for me as a Dominant always are followed. And these rules and my present will also help my submissive and keep her motivated purely by the wish to please and follow the rules I as a Dominant has given her.
Not only the rules but also her behavior. This will gradually but certainly mold her behavior, way of living, thinking and believing becomes self-discipline.
Discipline does not always carry with it punishment. Discipline can be as simple as a look or gesture and just saying “no, no thats not the way to behave”. Discipline is the reinforcement of behavior that makes it easier for her to understand that I am her Dominant. It is the framework where a submissive resides.

Sometimes and most often the punishment that exists separately from discipline. The two aren’t linked together, but in certain instances they coincide.

First off punishment is not to be confused with S&M play. S&M is for “enjoyment” – by definition, “play” is typically enjoyed by one or both parties. Therefore if punishments are consequences of violating rules or even worse acting or showing no respect for me as a Dominant, then punishment should be cold, direct ,to the point, and not enjoyable by my submissive. In most cases I as a Dominant don`t enjoy it either. But nothing upset me as a  Dominant then rules or respect are broken.
Conversely I as a Dominant will never abuse the philosophy behind what a punishment is and what it represents. If I want to play , then I play, but I never make up something to punish my submissive.
Punishment is something my submissive should want to avoid. There are many that believe a submissive will “purposely” act out to get punished. There are several different reasons why a submissive may act out on purpose.  Often times they do not know how to communicate their needs from me as her Dominant.
A punishment should clearly identify what was done wrong, what can be done to correct it, and why the infraction displeased me as a Dominant. It is very important that it is clearly identify the means in which the punishment is to be carried out, then it should be handled as soon as possible. If the punishment is too soft, it might not help my submissive learn from the infraction and might create confusion. If the punishment is too hard, my submissive might become fearful and resentful of me as a Dominant. After punishment is administered there should be absolution – forgiveness. A process of accepting the consequences and punishment of a violation and moving forward. Once a punishment is carried out, I as a Dominant should not carry it over, nor should my submissive keep kicking himself or herself in the butt. A punishment is a sense of closure for both me and my submissive and should be embraced as such.
The mindset of my submissive that is being punished goes very deep and expansive. When my submissives are being punished, it’s because she has done something wrong. That alone can be punishment for her,knowing that she has disappointed as a submissive, but when used in conjunction with an act, an implement, or whatever other means – . The totality of the punishment remains until the Dominant is satisfied to the point of absolution. Then I and my submissive can move forward.



A Total Power Exchange means that you have given up complete control to another person.

Along with this control you have also surrendered all of your rights as a person. The submissive is truly considered the other persons property.
Just Reading these first sentences some might think this is just totaly crazy and not a good relationship in any aspect.
Welcome to the world of BDSM, where we do it just a little bit better then the Vanillas !
The mindset and the Things most of us is brought up to learn is that a good relationship is build on a common understanding , communication and respect for one another.
If you already know that i don`t need to tell you that this Three pillars is all about what a good BDSM relationship is.
One of the most difficult Things about BDSM is to communicate to another person what you really meen when you say Things like :Power Exchange, His property, rules and rules and regulations , daddy and I could og on and on……
But the fantastic aspect of a true and good BDSM relastionship is that none of theese Words even bother us at all..contuary they turn us on !

So lets og back to TPE

You are not just the Dominant’s submissive any longer, you are now the Dominant’s property, consensual owned by a Dominant. This type of commitment requires absolute and unconditional surrender and the higest form of trust you ever would give another person, I would og so far to Call it REAL LOVE in the best meaning of the Word Love.
I don`t like micro managment, but i love to see that my girl has given me the trust to take all the responsibility.
I dont need to decide what she eats for breakfast, but I decide what she is wearing on a date night.
I dont need to decide when she has to go to the toilet, but i decide when she needs a lot of attention and cuddels.
I dont need to decide when she goes to bed, but i decide that she gets enough sleep during the night.
To you see the Picture….I decide, but I dont decide Things she easily are doin by herself.
The big difference from TPE as I see it and just stupid Things to Control.
My job is to see to it that even that she is my property she makes her own decisions.

Because it is a potensial danger in my mind if all of the decisions is mine as a Dominante to take, she will be lost in herself…..That is the worst outcome of a TPE and I as a Owner always be aware of the signs if that should happen, then its time to ease up on the TPE.

The submissives limits are not set by her in a TPE dynamic, rather they are set by my as her Dominant. Think about that for a minute.  A submissive has no limits.  Her limits are whatever her Dominant desires.  I has total control over her.  She doesn’t have the luxury to set her own hard and soft limits, her limits are set by me.
Do you see the responsibillity I as a Dominante has in this situasion and what gift and trust she has given to me ?
This is the highest proof of real Love I ever can imagine !

In a true TPE relationship my submissive has given up or “exchanged” her rights. These surrendered rights are exchanged for the protection and care from me.

I do not have a Total Power Exchange relationship. my girl is not my slave but rather my property. I protect her, I care for her and I give her guidens as her Dominant.
I do not own her and her submission, I am continually working toward and earning her submission every day.

Power Exchange Circle

Our power exchange would best be described by the Power Exchange Circle, D/s Circle, that she and I have created in order to articulate our exchange.  she has chosen me to be the leader of our relationship and has gifted her submission to me and in turn I offer her my Dominance.  By doing this we continue to feed one another’s mind, body and soul.

I have the responsibilty to guide and use her as I please, I have the right to take all the decisions on behalf of the booth of us, I have the Power to tell her exactly what to do, I have the role of guiding her and let her learn more about herself then she would ever think was possible…….
All because she has given me the responsibility of a total Power Exchange.

The sadist

Hello and welcome, pleased to meet you I’m a sadist.

Sounds scary doesn’t it,
The word rolls off the tongue in a delectably evil way doesn’t it

I suppose if you know nothing about sadists that it can seem quite scary. Let’s face it the Marquis de Sade is one of the most well know sadists in history and from the tales that be told he could seem pretty scary.

Well let’s see…what makes me a sadist.

I suppose it is the fact that I love love love to give spankings. Not only that but I also adore giving a good flogging, then there are the whips, the paddles, a hard belt spanking, real over the knee spanking,face slaps, total breath Control… . Oh but I can’t leave out a scene where the beast is in total beast mode.Where evry stroke is felt good by my submissive.

For most when the word “sadist” is all bad,  it might well bring about the image of someone dressed all in black or even black leather with a menacing scowl on their face that looks like it could melt the paint off the walls. While that may be true in the proper setting it isn’t the case in day to day life.

I like to think I’m a good Man. With my submissive I always look after her, always letting her know my Dominant presence, but many would say I am the  perfect gentleman. I open doors for her, I hold her hand when we’re walking, when we are in a vanilla setting I do my best to make her feel her absolutly best. Most of all I make sure she is taken care of.

I do my part at work, I am a honest and are clear and concise at all times with my team. I admit when I am wrong and take criticism as an opportunity for Groth and a foucus in mind that a team always beats the individuals.
But I am always aware of my “dark” side, and I think being aware of this side makes it even easier to personaly Accept how I really am.
See I’m a sadist, not your sadist or anyone else for that matter  I don’t just walk up to  someone and start spanking them. I don’t break out a whip and start whipping some unsuspecting person into submission.While I am a sadist and I revel in letting that part of me out to play when I can that is not the sum total of who I am.

I only hurt the ones I Love , as Madonna put it ! 

You see I am not extraordinary…….

Im just a Man who knows I`m a Sadist, Gentleman, Daddy and Man.
Complicated ? No not at all
And maybe suddenly the “scary” word sadist didn`t seem scary at all !

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