The Control

Dominance is indeed very much about control; exerting it, exploring it, accepting it, playing with it. But above all Dominance is about exercising it. Dominance is an act not so much of exerting control over another as it is of exercising control of myself.

Dominance is as much about what we don’t do as what we do and the self-control it takes to achieve that. As a Dominant I have the potential to seriously emotionally or physically harm a submissive or simply use the power that has been granted them in self-serving ways to the detriment of the submissive. But me as a competent and caring Dominant does none of those things, certainly not with intent, and achieves that through the exercise of self-control.

Self-control is in point of fact the wellspring of my Dominance.

When me and my Dominant’s self-control is coupled with empathy and a genuine desire that my submissive be their very best self, it is like a moth to the flame for my submissive. It is one thing to sound dominant, it is entirely another to actually BE Dominant. Lots of people can play at being a Dominant for a time but to truly have an enduring D/s relationship requires something that cannot be faked or played at. It requires a genuine commitment to the betterment of my submissive, enduring patience and selflessness, and above all, self-control in times of extreme desire, frustration, or challenge.

Having the self-control not to go too far in a scene is one thing. Having the self-control not to lash out in anger is another. But having the self-control to face a truculent, high-maintenance, frustrated or even a crying submissive with calm and patience is far, far harder. Indeed, it is the self-control exhibited by me as a Dominant in these times of trial that often most attracts the submissive and maintains their devotion. Often the submissive is a strong person seeking someone who is even stronger. And when the storm is over the Dominant stands straight and dependable as ever. This is what keeps the submissive coming back. This is what garners the devotion. This IS Dominance, this is the responsibility to protect her, the core of dominance.

Any sizable man can grab a fist full of a submissive’s hair and pull them to their knees in response to provocation and sometimes this is not entirely the wrong thing to do. But the self-control it takes to look a submissive in the eyes and calmly bring them to their knees without ever touching them? Without even saying a word? Or perhaps with a gentle touch to the shoulder in combination with a look? That is Dominance and that is pure will and self-control at work. It would be so easy to fight back, overpower, verbally spar, argue, order, etc. But control, real control, comes from the power of calm. A look, a gesture, firm words softly uttered can be so much more impactful.

And finally there is patience. Patience is yet another form of self-control.As A Dominant I control my own impulsive tendencies for the benefit of my submissive and the relationship.  The fact that I as a Dominant has the self-discipline and self-control not to take everything they could have, not to just grab the situation , but rather to savor and linger without gluttony attracts the submissive to give ever more. I can afford to be patient because through my self-control and desire for the development of my submissive.

So while some fake dominant is indeed attempting to exercise some level of control over their submissive, in reality the power that enables that control comes first, foremost and ultimately from the ability to control my self. If I want a submissive to be attracted to me and devoted to me as her owner for more than the fleeting intense romance period of first meeting and early days, my maine interest is not in a desire to control another her, but rather a desire to control myself. Beacause when I do that, and a submissive will see you for the Dominant  I truly are and am, she will given me what I need.

The need to protect, guide and have a good relationship built on a good fundation of BDSM , and the hardest part about all of this is it starts by be able to fully Control myself !

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The Cage and Obedience

The cage will always be the main physiological tool for me to make a good well focused slave. And that, is what all this is about, don’t you think?

Almost always, they ask when the next obedience class is and how to sign up. I then explain to them that while obedience training is a very important factor in raising a well-mannered, focused slave, obedience training is not the cure for every slave training problem.  Behavior Modification is the means to resolving behavioral issues.

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Obedience Cage training my slave is not punishment for her, Cage training is all about control and taking my slave into the mindset of complete surrender of will.
The cage is HER place and it will in time be where she feels safe, secure and finds comfort. Once she comes to that conclusion she has taken a level forward in letting go. she has finally accepted who she is and that she is an owned slave without the will to be back in control again. training a slave while very important in her training cannot accomplish behavior modification. In fact, teaching obedience commands to solve a behavioral problem can and often does get in the way of helping the slave resolve her problem.

Obedience should be the single most important concern for my slave, and this releases the slave from almost all other concerns. Obedience is the foremost principle through which right and wrong is assessed by me as a Owner.

Behavior modification utilizes the behaviors differently. Significantly, behavior modification programs address the underlying reasons for the problem behaviors. This is done by identifying, analyzing and appropriately reconditioning the slave’s out ward physical signs which indicate the slave’s internal physiological and psychological state. It is the underlying physiological and psychological state that behavior modification alters and which obedience training cannot address. Although there are similarities among obedience training and behavior modification, behavior modification differs in goal, outcome and reward structure. It IS hard work and there are no quick fixes.

The vast majority of behavior problems that are presented to me are the result of inappropriate communication, over-permissiveness (spoiling) other times, problems are simply the result of unfortunate relationship dynamics. Fortunately, most of these problems are resolvable with good work from me as Dominant. It always important my slave is the clay, with the whip I will shape her , with humility I will mold her and her true beauty lies in her obedience for my her Owner , how I mold, raise and training my slave will have a huge impact on how my slave develops.
A slave is the most precious possession I as a Dominant own.

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