The Three of us

In this fantastic world of bdsm we all learn something and With this knowledge we all in Our own way questions some truths and believes.

What some have expirienced and others have read about in different blogs is the Daddy/little dynamic and it is one of the strongest relationships in the BDMS world.
The love is pure, the responsibility is great, the arena for devolpment is huge and the clarity of the relationship is so obvious and pure.
I dare to say that this type of relationship is magic.
But why stop where the Magic starts….

The only thing this magical relationship is missing is so obvious , its missing a Mom.
Also add a Mom to this relationship then the hole meaning of this dynamic gets a totally differnt point of view and the real Magic is created.
The roles are even clearer, the love is beeing added by a hole other importent person, the responsibility is greater, devoloping is set to another Level and the clarity in this relationship is even more natural, even more obvious and even at the peek of purity.

Two is a couple and Three is a crowd, this is often very true!
But put this thought in a perspectiv of Mom-Dad and little then Three will be a strenght to the relationship for all.
This is as I see it another way of thinking in a well known dynamic ( DD/lg) This is putting the final missing bit in the puzzel and not only a missing bit in the puzzel, maybe the one significant piece of it all, a Mom!

The dynamic in it self will as I see it grow even stronger, the relationship will be even stronger, the love will double and the litle will be extremly loved by a Mom and a Dad.

The elements around the D/M/l lifestyle are pretty similar to that of your typical one which includes guidance, protection, training, and devotion.  The power exchange between the Daddy/Mommy and little is often lower versus a TPE (total power exchange). There are also different expectations for a little than a slave, for example. Protocols and the expectations may be different or much more relaxed. The dynamic instead focuses on care and guidance for the little, where rules enforced ensure that. While the Dad and Mom in many ways are rolemodles for their little, we now also plays a more intimate and nurturing parental role.
So what are my toughts more specific on this type of relationship ?

A Daddy and Mommy is a type of Dominant partner where Daddy and Mommy focus more on guidance and nurturing our little, helping her grow as a person and explore theirselves. Being a Daddy and Mommy is more than sex and having the ability to control. Being a Daddy and Mommy is more than just giving spankings. Daddy and Mommy is more than just a name or a title. It’s a mindset, it’s our personality, it’s a way of being. And most importantly it’s a great amount of responsibility. To a Daddy and Mommy, our little is ours world and the feeling is mutual. We see Our little through the eyes of a parent.. Our little is ours most prized possession and a work of art, not in terms of physical appearance, but showing his skill and care as Daddy and Mommy. We take on the responsibilities of our little’s life, helping relieve some of the stress and guiding them through every day obstacles.

A Daddy and Mommy sees potential in our little and  we does our best to bring it out. Rules are set in place to make sure our little is taking care of herselves. . These rules can also apply to internal factors such as encouraging our little to speak up if they’re feeling down, self conscious, or feel that their  her needs are not being met in the relationship.  Assignments  for Our little may also be given to help teach the little responsibility.

This is the perfection of age play, it is the most Natural thing in the world  – Having a Mom and a Dad.
And I say- this – this is the highest Level of age play and the most realistic and best way to have a little relationship !

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The secret

Anyone can cause pain and create marks on someone else. Anyone can be aggressive and controlling. Anyone can spend a little time in a scene with someone and push their limits. The pain will go away. The bruises will go away. The marks will eventually fade and go away. As a Dominant, it’s the way you treat your submissive outside of these times that will stay with her and will last.

Here in Norway there is a book by a famous hotell owner by the title :
“Let me tell you my secret”
With no comparison , I want to tell my Secret to you.
The Secret of how I mean the cirkle of dominans is working and what I as a Dominant need to know and do.
Everytime I do this I get alot of mail from other “dominants” saying: ” who the hell are you to tell me anyting about whats right in domination”
Before you “dominante” start sending me those emails , I`ll tell you once again this is MY toughts, this is MY Secret as a Dominant and this is how I solve things…
Is this a copypaste for all Dominant`s outhere? NO!

The first part of beeing sucsessfull in a BDSM relationship I as a Dominant have to give my submissive care and support throughout their relationship. I have  to offer reassurance and encouragement. I need to make her feel appreciated for her submission, what she is willing to endure for me, and even as the woman she is in being to me as her partner. This is not something that is only part of a scene together. It has to be part of the entire relationship, every single day. It is this being there for her, and helping support her in being who she is for me, that will last and stick in her mind. It is treatening her like she is important part of my life and that I care that will stay with her most.

It never ceases to amaze me how so many “dominants” think being Dominant is just about the scene, using her sexually, or making her suffer pain. They just want the action and fun and then are on their way. They don’t understand aftercare and the importance of it. They don’t understand continual ongoing care and the importance of it. They don’t understand that it’s the time between your scenes that are most important. This time is what helps her process what happened, gives her constant reassurance, and makes her want and need more from you. And I would like to repeat….

The time between your scenes that are the most important.

A Dominant cannot just be part of the scene and then disappear or not put forth any effort. It’s this effort that solidifies and reinforces who she is and what she gives. She cannot be left floundering on her own to deal with everything. Me as a Dominant, I have asked for her submission and she has given it to me, so I have to be willing and able to take her on. Her submission is not just about the actual physical acts, but helping her learn and grow in addition to that as well. If left to herself she will not be getting what she needs from you. She will withdraw. She will lose trust in me as her Dominant. She will lose respect for me as her Dominant. Ultimately this will mean you lose her submission to you. Once this happens, it will be very difficult to regain, if not impossible.

A power exchange relationship, of whatever dynamic you choose, is a constant ongoing process and exchange. It’s not just for the fun aspects and when it’s convenient. When you invest yourself and your time into your partner, you can find more than you ever dreamed and get more from your partner than you ever knew you could have.
I Call this the cirkle of BDSM.

If you don’t give the time and effort, you are doomed to fail. She is worth and deserves that effort from me as her Dominant. Don’t be that guy that just uses her for your own enjoyment and pushes her aside. Be the Dominant she needs all the time. I promise you will get more in return than you ever imagined, and it will continue to only get better.

From personal experience, I can tell you that no woman, no matter what or how you try to explain to her, can grasp how her emotions will become involved. How her need will grow. How this will become an addiction for her. She has no way to know. She has no reference point as of now. I can drill into a sub how intense this can be. How emotional it will become. But until she is actually there and feeling it, she really can’t know and understand.

She will be required, with me anyway, to be completely open and honest at all times. She will be required to open herself and her inner thoughts to me like she never has to anyone before in her life. She will be faced with being vulnerable like never before. In many women this will strike fear. Fear of having to be that open. Fear of having to share such a dark side of her newly discovered self. Fear of being hurt by being so open. There is no hiding and no holding back. Many times she has been hurt in the past, and has withdrawn and put up so many barriers that it takes an entire demolition crew to begin to knock down those walls. This can be a very emotional time for her. She wants this and needs this, but is scared to death at the same time, as she is introduced more and more to this life by discussions, pictures, assignments, and so on.

This is where having the right Dominant is so important. It is at this very moment that her entire submissiveness swings in the balance. This can become the best thing ever, or it can become the nightmare she so greatly fears. Who holds the key to which way it will swing? I, the Dominant, does. It is up to me to guide her through this jungle of emotions. It is up to me to support her, do all I can to make her feel safe, and to show her I care. That I’m not just here to use her and do all these naughty things to her and treat her like trash. Although, this may be what she believes by all she has seen and read on the internet. I’m here to help support and hold her up. I’m here to lead her down this path, help her face her fears, and see that I mean what I say and I am who I say I am. That I’m not here to tear her down, but to build her up. It is through this support and care that she will begin to believe that I am truly here for her. That I really do want to help her be who she needs to be, and in a loving and caring manner. That I don’t want to change her, but want to open her up and help her spread her wings to be who she already is.

This blog could offcourse gone on forever, but to summit up I made this list:

  • Care and support Your submissive.
  • Always appreciat the submission she is giving to you.
  • The time between the scenes are most important.
  • Aknowledge Your responsibilites for Your submissive.
  • Learn about all the feelings that is at play in a BDSM relationship.
  • Dont try to change her, Develop her.
  • Never tie her down, but focus on letting her be free.
  • Be the gardian Man she needs and want.

My expirience is that if you follow this steps as a start……..You will start the Journey of building the cirkle that BDSM is all about.

The game

For me it’s fairly easy to break BDSM into two main categories. First, there are those that just like the kink and the role play, which I call kinksters. It may just be sexually or from time to time for fun or as a way to spice things up. The second is those that Domination and submission is is a deep part of who they are and something they need in their life. It transcends just play and kink and is some they need to feel complete and whole. It’s a way of life. I, without a doubt, fall into the second group. It’s a part of me and what I need to have as a part of a relationship. It’s part of who I am. There is nothing wrong with being a kinkster, so don’t get me wrong. Either is fine as long as it works for the person engaged in it. You have to find what fits and is right for you. But just for play or a role…not for me.

Whenever I see problems within this lifestyle, one way or another it seems to come back to the difference in these two categories, or at least many times it does. And when people are new to this, especially Dominants, or those claiming to be Dominants, this is the part they just don’t get…not yet anyway. This doesn’t mean they can’t learn and that most don’t want to learn, but they aren’t there yet. These Dominants jump right in when they see this and think it looks fun. They think it would be great to have a woman be at his pleasure.

Many submissive women, on the other hand, come into this with a deeper understanding initially of who they are and what they need. They have looked at this for a long time before taking steps towards this lifestyle. They know it’s a part of who they are and what they need. They have likely battled within themselves as to whether they can or really want to do this. Or whether they feel it’s even right and ok to do this. They may be very scared and vulnerable but know they need a Dominant Man in their life to be accountable to and to have oversee them.

This is the difference between the categories…one seeing it as fun and play, at least initially, while the other
sees it as a way of being and needing the depth of it. This tends to lead to a lot of potential issues that neither is aware of, prepared to face, or even knows exists. This is where I see the problems arise and where things can go so very wrong.
Most Dominants don’t start out know just how deep and what a responsibility being Dominant really can be. He doesn’t realize just how much the submissive will rely on him and need him. A majority of what she needs from him will come outside of their scenes or play. It’s before during and after the scene that she needs the care, support, and reassurance from her Dominant. The Dom has to realize that he is responsible for, and that the sub is looking for, her mental and emotional well being. He has to realize and understand that the actual play only lasts a short time, but the support and care she needs lasts throughout the entire relationship, day in and day out. The Dominant should never jeopardize the subs physical, emotional, or mental health and well being just because he wants to have fun, and have her get him off. If you aren’t prepared and expecting to deal with ALL parts of the submissive, you shouldn’t be wanting to deal with just the physical apsects. The exception to this is if both people are completely open, up front, and share their position and expectations and are in total agreement.

I am just looking at this from my own point of view, and where I am coming from as a Dominant that sees this as part of who he is. Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with just enjoying the play aspects of BDSM, and there are many people that do. Yet, I believe it’s vitally important for those involved to be open about how they see this and what they expect from it. Is it just fund and play, or is it a dynamic within a relationship that you are seeking? If it’s the relationship, then you have to be wiling to learn, and study and give more than you may have ever given…and in this I am speaking to the Dominant. Be ready, willing, and able to care for your submissive, inside and out. If you aren’t willing to put that much time and effort into the relationship then you need to be wiling to take a step back and look at the bigger picture…the submissive’s overall mental, emotional and physical health and well being. She is putting all that in your hands, so you better be willing and able to handle all that involves.

The boundaries

A Dominant/slave relationship isn’t something that can be described as static. While your partner may not change for years at a time, that doesn’t mean the level of your relationship has to stay the same. In fact, as you and your slave work together, it’s a good idea to push each other’s boundaries to see just how deep you can take the relationship and the power structure. As a Dominant, you want to spend some time working on pushing the boundaries of your slave in order to ensure they are continuously learning and growing in their role.
What are the Boundaries in Your Relationship?

Before you can begin pushing your slave, you need to sit down with them and talk about what the contract between you already states. This will help you both to see what you think are the boundaries, whether they need to be changed, etc. Ideally, your slave should create a list of things they want, a list of things they never want, and a list of things they eventually want to try. The things they eventually want to try is the list that will help you see what boundaries you want to push. Since the slave is not necessarily comfortable with these items right now, you will be pushing their edges and making them grow in their role as a slave. Using other commands you might use for other tasks, you can see how they perform when they aren’t sure what’s going to happen next

A New System of Dominance

Pushing boundaries can lead to a completely new system of dominance as well. For example, instead of being the domineering Dominant that barks orders, you might want to try being calmer and just more steady in the way you deliver tasks to your slave. While this might not seem like a way to push someone’s boundaries, if you change the way you act with your slave, they will not necessarily know what you are up to – which can make them more on edge than they have been in a while.
Or you might simply want to change the way you interact with your slave in a scene. You might ask for your slave’s trust as you push boundaries as you see fit, allowing them the chance to tell you to slow down or to stop if things get out of hand.
You want to push the boundaries of your slave because that’s the best way to see just how hard they can work and how much they can learn. No one wants to learn the same things again and again, so you need to make sure there’s always something new around the corner.

The need

I believe at times we all have contradictions that that run through our head. This is especially true within this lifestyle of BDSM, D/s, Ms, etc… Any of you that have followed me for any length of time know that I have written about the contradictions that lie within submission. There is the internal battle many times of what seems right versus what a submission wants, needs, or craves. It can be hard to accept these things and come to terms with our desires for these seemingly inappropriate acts and treatment. In today’s society, it can even seem very wrong to even want to submit and give power and authority over to another person, regardless of the acts that may play out. Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret… this can be hard for me as a Dominant as well.

When I take the time to look at some of things that I enjoy about being Dominant, and the aspects of this lifestyle that I enjoy (the not so gentle or nice aspects), and compare that to what is considered socially acceptable, it can stop me in my tracks. In fact, in some circles I potentially could be clinically determined to be a sexual deviant and be need to be on the registered sexual offender list. I could be one of those people that has to carry that stigma and has everyone look at him as though I am an outcast. Why don’t we just go ahead and take me to the town square and hang me for all to see and rid our community of such atrocity.

I see scenes of seemingly rough forced sex and I like it. I see scenes of whipping and I love the pretty  stripes left across the submissives ass. I see various acts of pain inflicted and I want to do those things myself. I want to make my slave moan and scream and beg, and then make her take even more. I want to make her choke on my manhood, only to let her breathe and then do it again. I see pictures of women in of cages and think “Hmmm… I have one of those!” I think about spanking her pussy and hurting her nipples and want to subject her to it over and over. I want to give myself into her repeatedly so that it hurts her and she screams, and I won’t stop until she’s a foggy mess of a blob that can’t even function. All to exert my Dominance, fulfill our own needs, and show her how she is owned and at my mercy .

Here lies the contradiction. At the same time, I love and care for my slave. I want to go places and do things with her. I want to hold her hand. I want to spoon with her as we sleep. I want to caress and care for her. I want to gently kiss her on the forehead. I want to have her head in my lap and stroke her hair and cheek as we watch television. I want to laugh with her, and pick at each other in fun. I want to defend her when she is threatened, and throw myself in front of any danger she might face. I want to shield her from anything harm that may come her way.

How can I be this way? How can I want to hurt her in one breath and protect her from pain in another? How can I want to subject her to such apparently cruel acts, but then want to protect her ?

How? I’ll tell you how! Because it’s part of who I am as a man and a Dominant, and also what my slave needs and craves from me. It’s part of the dynamic we have together, each knowing our roles and place with the other. Each of us, in actuality, feeding off the other to be this way to meet our owns needs as well as fulfill the needs of each other. Am I like this with everyone? Absolutely not! The key to it all is consent. I have no desire to do these things with someone that does not want and need it. That doesn’t turn me on one bit. I am secure in the Dominant I am and the things I desire and need as a Dominant. For this to work for me, I need a willing partner. I need someone that wants this from me, and even pushes me to do more and go further with this side of myself. I need consent as well as a mental and emotional connection to be this way with someone. This is not about taking what I want from just anyone. It’s about being that way with and for my slave because she needs that from me, and it allows me to be able to be my true self.

I may be a walking contradiction in many ways, but I’m ok with that. I’m good with the person I am and have uncovered. I won’t lie to you, it’s not always easy, but that’s ok as well. The struggles make the triumphs worthwhile. For me, the benefits far outweigh the downsides.

The Failure

It`s been some time since I blogged, so much has been going on in my life during this summer.
And as I always stress, BDSM is part of my life and not a lifestyle , therefore I have`nt made time for blogging.
Anyhow, thanks for all mail and feedback on my blog I read all mail I recive and you also know that im replay each one of you.
The feedback from all is really highly appreciated.

I have a job and a life thats built around alot of responsibility and I have also blogged about that a Dominant crave , like and need this extra trait.
I bear not only their own personal responsibility to be of good conduct, but also culturing that sense of responsibility in my submissives and my households. Be it full-time or part-time, it would be irresponsible, and therefore immoral if were we to demand obedience to commands that would do harm to my submissives or their responsibilities (children, parents, job, etc). It is a line that must be walked between the responsibilities… of lives touched and desires. Impulse control, self restraint, and “the long term view” are marks of responsible ownership. Such responsibility cannot be “passed down” to your submissive and absolve the dominant of responsibility either.

Yes, you have your responsibilities…and so do I.

Therefor everyday life can and most likely will intervene With a BDSM lifestyle and the other way around.

As a Dominant, I am responsible for doing all I can to foster a healthy relationship. The submissive must do all they can as well. It is shared…no one is excused.

BDSM is togetherness , BDSM is us, never me, BDSM is two who finding there singel needs melt togheter in a common hope for building something strong and lasting and finding common ground to built something.
I have sadly so often expirenced that if I as a Dominant make a mistake or find it hard to Balance all the responsibility, only to expirience that a submissive redrawn from all responsibility and just pointing fingers.
This is extra frustrating for me as a Domiant , because I build my Domination upon devolping and therefor also offcourse and naturally accept failure.
Failure is not only something a submissive can expirience, YES we Dominant also have all the human-traits and as we all know, failure is a part of Learning before I do it right.

The Owner and the slave

The purest part of BDSM is a Owner and my slave.
Though it is also the role within BDSM thats hardest to fulfill both from a Owner perspective and also for the slave.
In a idealistic world a slave would be free from all aspects of responsibility.

I know is this is more of a fantasy and fiction , then a posibility now a days.
A 24/7 slave has normaly her own obligasions, friends, Family and hers duties in a “Vanilla- world”.
Im sure that so many have made the mistakes of trying to fulfill and chase this “dream” of a relationship and then really crashed and burned.
If you chase a dream of a relationship most likely it would end up just as a nightmare.

The first thing I have to pinpoint is beeing a slave is not for everybody, and far from any Dominant can have a responsibility for a slave.
I would say that its acctualy a real danger for a slave giving away all the Power to a Dominant who is not concious for his role as a Owner of a slave.
This is the highest form for Dominanse, and absolutly the higest form for responsibility for me as a Owner and Domiant.
And its also the highest form for submission for a woman to be a slave ( you did read the highest) far from the lowest !
Thats the first point for me as a Domiant and Owner, owning a slave is the highest value of BDSM.

So then i would like to focus on what I se as a slaves Place.
What is a slave’s place? Where does she belong in the relationship?
The simple truth is that a slave gets all her protection and guiding from me as a Owner.
And I mean that if one is truly committed to living Owner/slave, it is crucial to understand this basic premise.

Owner/slave is all about the exchange of power. It is the fundamental part of this way of life. The power breakdown is what makes Owner/slave different from the traditional forms of relationships. In fact, with such complete exchange of power, Owner/slave differs greatly from a D/s relationship, because of the fully responsibility I have for a slave ( yes, I remember what I just wrote about the slaves Vanilla-world duties)
But when the slave is Owned all other aspects of her life is my Responsiblity. ( part from the Vanilla duties.)

I honestly believe few are cut out for Owner/slave relationship. I see many, especially online, claim to be slaves. At the same time, I see some of these same people writing blogs “informing” others what life as a slave is all about. Sadly, this is misleading since they no more qualify as slaves than I do.

At the core of the Owner/slave relationship is the total exchange of power. It is absolute, complete, and final. This is not something that is subject to interpretation. A slave gives all her power over to her Owner. Any power retained by her  is granted by me the Owner. It is that simple.
Therefor it is so important to listen to the slave from the start and keep listining to the slave at all times, but at the end of the day it is my responsibility to have total Control and protect the slave in any situastion.
Why listen to a slave you might be asking ? ?
Well here is also one of the biggest difference from reality and fiction.
In reality there is no way I can take full controll of a slave without knowing her, knowing her core, her values, her way of thinking…
Therefor I listen, but I make the decisions.
When I as a Owner have heard my slaves opinion I will take the right choise for my slave.
Many would now say : “hey, you never listen to a slave”
Well in Movies and fiction they dont, in real life I do !

In the core of a slaves heart and purpose a slave is a Owners property.
Thats is not up for debate nor descutions.
Beeing a slave is to make my life full as a Owner and therefor make it easier for me as a Owner, not more difficult.
It is her place to available to him when I decides I wants her. Not only for sex, but for my enjoyment.
Do this mean that I want a slave to clean and Cook while I am watching TV ?
Hell no, this means that my slave at all times know her purpose.
I do not want my slave to be a housemaid, I want my slave to be happy and devlop more and deeper into her role.
I dont know about anybody who has developed by cleaning the dishes.
But I need a slave who is naked at my side when I tell her, I need a slave that responds to my commands,  I need a slave that does her tasks at the best performance she can do, and I need a slave that is confident and are learning more about her self then in any other relationship.

 

One of the hardest parts With owning a slave is this is about the slave serving me, at her interest.
Read that scentence over a few times.
The hardest part for me as a owner is to protect her needs and interest.
This is the hardest part of Owning a slave.
Not for the slave, but for me as a Owner !
My choises has to be tought thru and be in the best interest for the slave to best serve me as her Owner. ( here is where I Guess over 80% fail) because if I as a Owner stops having my slaves interest at heart, I can never own a slave.
This is not about a slave’s wishes. I considers them, I make a choice. in the slaves best interest ! ( yes I know im repating myself , but this is so important for both a slave and any other Owners to read )
I am under no obligation to do what a slave wants me to do, but it is my obligation to listen to my slave ( see the difference? )

“A slave is a slave. know your Place”. I have read sometimes for many years ago somewhere….
Well I concure that actual statement, but I`ll rather say:
A slave is just as good as I as a Owner am for my slave.
Owner/slave is about service and taking the biggest responsibility as a Owner for a slave do grow and develop.

I write this with the intention of helping people open their eyes to this way of life. A true Owner will look after his slave to ensure their safety, peace and happiness.
However, there are times when I makes choices that are in direct opposition to what a slave wants. It is at this point that a slave needs to remember her place and that she is under her Owners Control and that the trust is above anything that is “normal” in a relationship.
Making good choises for a slave is the hardest part of Owning a slave.
This is for the extreme but for those who can handle it, it is the highest form of a relationship and makes both the slave and I as a Owner grow extremely close.
It may take years to reach this goal, but when you are in a Owner/slave relationship all the work to getting to the finish line is more then a journey….It is Beyond and deeper then any relationship.

 

 

The Feelings

When starting out in D/s, there are many things, situations and activities that are discussed.  Talking can only take you so far.  For so many aspects of D/s, you really can’t get a grasp of it totally until you have actually experienced it.  The feelings involved are definitely one of those aspects. I can discuss this With my submissive, about how intense feelings can become.  About how intense being together in this manor can be.  About how when things perfectly line up, and you find the “one” for you, how intense the feelings for each other can be.  Until they begin to actually experience it, and get away from just talking about it, it is very hard for a submissive to really comprehend how it will be.
Some may have never been in a position to have feelings like this before.  They may have never allowed themselves to be open enough to feel like this before.  Maybe they have wanted it, but they have never found the right person to be able to give them what they really need, enabling them to open up and feel like this.  Whatever the case, once it happens, it is hard to prepare for it before you begin to have these intense feelings for your partner.  It can catch many people off guard.  In reality, it can be so different than anything they have felt before, that what they are feeling and experiencing in their mind scares the hell out of them.  They are afraid of what they are feeling and want to run and hide.  There is a sense of being too vulnerable.  There is a sense of being too exposed.  There is a sense of nothing good can come of this, and that the only possible ending to it is being hurt.  Most of the time this is because of past experience with a partner, or not having been through this before, and feeling so open that they just can’t deal with it.

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This is where trust and open communication become so vitally important.  It is a must to be able to talk this through with your partner.  I feel I have to show my sub that it is ok to feel this way. It is natural for these feelings to develop.  Most importantly, that I am in no way here to hurt you or cause you any psychological or emotional damage.  Trust is developed over time.  A person can’t demand it.  It is over time that you will see that my actions back up my words.  That I am here to care for you, protect you, and guide you to what is best for you.  It serves me no purpose to take you down a road of destruction.  I am here to show you the way to new and better things.  I am here to show you how great this can be.  I am here to help you see and feel things in a way you never thought you could, or even knew you could.

Most people that are afraid of what they are feeling do so because it is new, and they don’t understand it.  Yet, deep down they do like what they are feeling and know that it is something very special.  A door has been opened for them to a whole new world.  A world that maybe they have been searching for their entire lives.  We all get in our comfort zone, and can be afraid to step out of it.  But, only in stepping out of it and into new territory can we grow and progress.  If you stand still, you can’t move forward…you become static…and you will never go anywhere other than where you are right now.  Is that what you really want?  Is that what you really want to settle for being?  I don’t think so!  I think a sub wants to be able to step through that door and have what is waiting on the other side.  With some care, love and reassurance, she can see how great things can be.  That her fears may have been a bit over-thought.

It is hard to try and to look for something that may not exist, which would cause anyone to lose hope.  But when you do find it…when you find that special person and those special feelings…even if it is scary, aren’t you glad you have a guiding hand to hold onto to show you the way.  A hand that will protect you the best it can and be there for you.  One that wants nothing but to make this adventure the best it can be.  You may be frightened…scared…afraid…or even terrified.  I think the only thing worse than that is the thought of giving it up when it’s everything you have ever wanted.  Finding what you have always wanted and needed, only to give up and walk away because it seems scary to you?  To me that is more frightening than facing the feelings, accepting them, and taking a chance on a wonderful and beautiful relationship.

Don’t be afraid!  Here is my hand. Take it in yours!  Hold onto me and together we can face this journey.  Together we can make it everything we have ever wanted.  All you have to do is let me show you the way.  Let me show you that your trust in me is worth every once you have.  I won’t let you down!

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The Strenght

Appearances aren’t always as they appear. Those of us involved in this lifestyle know there is much more to it than what someone may see . This goes much deeper than the mere physical appearances of the activities we choose to bring into our relationships…much deeper. For all of us, always remember…”Relationships are much deeper and more involved than they appear”.

I think those people that peek in from the outside see a submissive as being weak. They see a woman being owned and controlled by a man (reverse the gender roles if you like), and view this as a weakness. Many people don’t think a woman should bow and cede herself to a man…or to anyone for that matter. They think she should stand on her own two feet and be able to take care of herself. She should be assertive and able to take charge of any situation. I say this is a bunch of ignorance.

I say that it takes a very strong woman to be willing and able to submit.  The core person is still there and strong. She has to be strong to be able to not only comprehend her need for submission, but then be able to act upon that need. A woman must be strong mentally and emotionally to be able to give herself to someone the way a submissive woman does. There is no weakness in needing to give yourself to a Dominant. It is that deep inner strength that makes her a good submissive. Someone without that strength will have a very hard time opening up and baring herself completely. Not to mention, this strength is combined with raw determination to be able to stay the course and follow through with what she desires the most. We all know…it isn’t always easy.

Always stand strong, be proud of who you are, and don’t let anyone make you think less of yourself. Anyone that tries to bring you down is only afraid and insecure about themselves. They will belittle you and try to make you feel smaller about yourself in order to feel better about themselves. So, stand tall, smile, and be happy with nothing less than the person you are. This will enable you to become even stronger, more self-aware, and more secure with yourself. Being able to look inside and being happy with what you see is what matters most of all.

“You are stronger than you think, and I have shown you just how strong and important, and appreciated you are. Let your inner strength flow and don’t allow what anyone else says or does make you think any less of yourself. Let them look like a fool on their own with the less than desirable behavior they may exhibit. In the end, it will be they that will be seen as a lesser and weaker person. I am proud of you as a person…all that you are and can be. I am proud and honored to be able to call you mine.”

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