The training

I have previously written a post on the topic ” Training a Dominant”.
As you might know in BDSM the leash always in a 24/7 relationship goes both ways.
Training is something we do to learn something new, be aibel to gain more expirience and understanding why and how we do it.
Training is simply another word for learning or education and you might know the statement: “Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough we must do.”
In the beautiful world of BDSM I do mean training is core in a 24/7 relationship.
To be more spesific regarding a D/s relationship , training is meant to adjust the submissives core attitudes and behaviors to be more in tune with her Owner. D/s training is as I see it not breaking Down, but rather braking in!
Beacause I mean in the center of training a submissive/slave is not to change her, but let her understand that training is to free her.
Training is not breaking down, because I want you to learn to let go. The goal of  the training might be : understanding what is expected of you, learn the right and wrong way to go about certain tasks and anything else that I wishes to apply in the process of the submissive/slave to let me break in. Training of a submissive/slave is as important if she all new to the BDSM relationship as if she has years of expirience.
Why ? Because during training I break in, and this expirience builds this strong and good dynamic between my submissive/slave and me, but also a Clear understanding of what I as a Dominant want from my submissive/slave.

By the time we enter into a relationship and before training starts, I always want my submissive to find knowledge of her own  and finding the answars to very personal questions, questions like :
Do I want this or do I need this ?
What good will most likely happen in such a relationship ?Is there any negative impact on my life With this lifestyle ?What consequences might that have for your M/s relationship? What will you achieve with your Dominant(Owner)? What is my strengths as a submissive/slave? Does what your Dominant(Owner) offer match what you as a submissive/slave seeks? What is your purpose in entering a Master/slave relationship?
There are 100 of questions , but the funny part here is that you as a submissive/slave knows all these questions already that`s relavant for you. ( or I hope you do)

Typically you have acknowledged if not embraced your submissive need and you have resolutely decided to move forward in exploring it ( thats maybe why you have a profile here on Fetlife) .From that point most of the time we are eager to learn more about the the lifestyle, you want to understand more about your submissive nature and you might also be committed to a Dominant. So why is the training then nescessary?
Rember the part about breaking in ? Thats why and why is it that maybe the idea of beginning training might be so unsettling?
I believe that the reason is this. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown is a universal experience among humankind. It you think about it, I’m certain you can recall many times in your own past when you experienced it. The idea of submissive training makes us feel uneasy and insecure because we have so little knowledge about it.

Therefor I will as a Dominant give you some advise…..Seek knowledge on your own, talk to friends, (Vanilla or BDSM) ,ask yourself some of the questions I gave as excamples ( Or let me be specific: Ask yourself the questions that you think is important to you)
buy books on Kindle and search the web on what others think training of a submissive actually is.
And maybe the most important thing to understand as I see it:
Get the answers from Your Dominant what he/I think training of you as a submissive/slave is and also what`s the purpose of this training.

It is easy to assume, given the dynamics of a power exchange relationship, that training is a  one-way street. In other words, in the training process, all the instruction flows downhill from me the Domiant to my submissive/slave and all learning is absorbed by you the submissive/slave. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. Training is in fact a arena where instruction and learning flows back and forth in both directions. It is definitely a two-way process.

Yes, I the Dominant instructs and you learn yet at the same time I is also learning and in a sense being taught. Perhaps not in the sense that I am learning new skills or techniques, but I am learning about you, your own unique personality, capabilities and who you really are. These lessons helps me formulate specific goals, plans and strategies for your training, training that is individualized and specific to you as my submissive/slave. In the exciting phase in not to break you down, but let me break all in.

Training is also to prepare my submissive/slave for rules, rituals and protocol, but hey thats for a future post.

The reason why

As I has blogged about previosly TPE is the highest form of a BDSM relationship and its not possible to have TPE if there is not a 24/7 Ownership and a relationship as a  fundation . And as I see it, TPE is not a static form of relationship, quite the contrary, TPE is the Magic of the circle of BDSM.
I see a TPE based BDSM relationship as a common development and journey for me and my slave/sub.
And where there is common development, there usualy is common goals for the relationship.
Owning a slave/sub is as all Dominant knows the highest form for responsibility I can have, therefor it is important first and foremost before talking about TPE both parties need to understand and communicate why and also how the TPE should develop and be implemented to the BDSM relationship.
In the BDSM community, there are quite a few mentions of TPE. This is especially true when discussing fantasies. Despite the fact that there are many fantasy-based desires for a Total Power Exchange, very few people are actually comfortable engaging in it, in real life. The vanila thinking does apply and therefor a slave are often afraid to give that much of themselves to another person, even though the thought may temporarily excite them.

What I think is important are that TPE involves a lack of limits and completely entrenched slavery with potentially very much and communication for my slave and me. TPE can be a controversial practice, as well. BDSM often hinges on consent, and the gray area of consensual non-consent is a hot-button issue. Still, TPE is the desirable dynamic for me as a Domiant. As with any lifestyle choices, it is not without any bumps in the journey.

Just as in vanilla life, the road to mastering lifestyles in BDSM can be rather tough. There are factors that will distract, discourage, deflate, and possibly defeat. If beeing a Owner in a TPE relationship were easy, everyone would master something. In practice, we all know that is not the case. Even though it will be difficult, we still strive for the best possible outcome, because achieving the extraordinary is extremely fulfilling. So it is worth the effort to overcome these obstacles.  And there will be obstacles and also times where TPE is hard to keep in everyday life.

Distraction is a part of everyday life. But this temptation for distraction can be built into the framework of how a life is controlled and a platform for my slave/sub to consentrate around the most important part, ” I am totaly Owned and live in a TPE Relationship”.

For my slave/sub to implement this way of thinking she needs protocols, rules and the 4 P`s I have given to her ( Protector, Penelizer, Partner and Provider) All of this is written in the slavebook she keeps.This is the fundation for my slave/sub to turn to remind her of the TPE relationship and for me as her Dominant to follow thru and give her room to grow in the TPE relationship.
I as a Domiant can never give the 4 P`s and build a TPE relationship on my own, I need the slave/sub to have exactly the same goals for the relastionship as me and be sure that she works hard for a TPE relationship , the deeper the TPE is in my slave/sub the stonger is my Ownership and also as we both can build something deeper, more profound and stronger then any vanilla relationship or BDSM relationships that`s not founded on TPE.
I know from expirience that a TPE relationship is how the circle of BDSM is strongest and I as a Dominant shine the most.


The Pain

Pain can be a good thing.

Once the pain begins, the endorphins rush into the bloodstream – of both the one inflicting pain and the one receiving it. Pain is therefor creating a Whole special bond between me and my slave/sub.
The effect of giving pain to someone I resepct and honor is hard to set the right Words to.
Building up pain tolerance is a process is sometimes key, because I think building up pain tolerance is not just a slave/submissives job, in fact is quite the oppsite, I as a Dominant can toghether With my slave/submissive build pain tolerance, make her feel it hurts so good.

Let’s talk now about why it’s a good idea to build up your pain tolerance. First of all, when you have a longer pain tolerance, my slave/submissive can have longer session with me, which is always a good thing. I will be able to do more for/to her without she needing a break or I need to stop the scene for a pause and then have to start all over again in the ride of the endorphine rush. Also, the more pain tolerance she has, the more easily she will be able to slip into subspace, which is never a bad thing – that floaty feeling is something that every slave/ submissive wants, but needs to be ready their body for.
But not all slaves/submissives are created alike. Though some might consider thereself to be a masochist, that doesn’t mean pain is easy to take. For others , pain is so simple for them that they can’t wait for more. Depending on where you’re at, you as a submissive might need different strategies for training to take on more pain. A good place to begin is for me as a Dominant to come up with a target for the number of paddles, lashes, etc. that you should be able to take. Then, they I  just have to test you to see how close you are to that eventual goal. This way I can see just how close you are to getting you to the goal. And she can have a clear idea of how your progress can be measured – and how much more pain you need to learn to take.
The variation of the power I put in to the lashes, paddles is also important.
If I give 10 out of 10 all the time there is no room for any improvment.
I as a Dominant is responsible that inflicting pain and also training my slave/submissive to take more pain is mesurable.
Because if we masure our goals , than they are easy to understand.
And if it is possible to masure the pain, it is also possible to reward my slave/submissive.

To help encourage the pain process, rewards are always a good way to develop my slave/submissive to find the beauty in taking even more pain.

But where I as a Domiant gives rewards, there is also punishments.
Punishments is for my slave/submissive to understand if for instance  my slave/submissive in the middle of the scene walks away, turns, leave the room  during a scene where I are in the middel of the process of giving her the loving feeling of pain, This behavior is not acceptable and therefor must be punished.
As I have stated before, I only hurt those I love.
Therefor it is extremly important that my slave/submissive understand the purpose of reward and punishment.
I never seek and search for reasons to punish, I seek and search for the responsibility to develop my slave/ submissive.

Rewards might include orgasms and privileges for particularly good sessions, while punishments might be deprivation of orgasms and for instance inflicting pain where I know it stings the most.
In most cases, pain tolerance can be build up through slow and steady progression. This means that each time the pain is applied during a session, I might add more and push my slave/submissive further than she think we can go. With practice and persistence, the slave/submissive will eventually be able to take the pain and then they will be able to take more and more.
In the beginning, however, it might be difficult, so I  need to stop to rest for a bit to see if the slave/submissive can recover enough to start again during the same session
These pauses is not the same as aftercare by far, this is Natural pauses for her to feel how high she went on the scale of endorphins rush and for her to feel the adrenaline rush working thru out her body and mind.
I have stated before that pauses is maybe the most efficent tool to use in any situation With my slave/submissive.
Because its when the rain stops you can actualy feel that you`re wet. And just the same effect is it on endorphins and adrenaline rush….you feel it strongest and most sincere when the pain stops and there is a pause.
Pain tolerance is something I and my slave/submissive is building together, this is not me as a Domiant just hitting more and harder for that purpose alone.
This is the core of Development and rewarding my slave/submissive to Reach other Levels than she ever tought she would reach. This is the feeling I want to give my slave/submissive that exploration in pain is some of the most freeing feeling in the world.

The Experience

Knowledge is Power, experiences is what you do With Your knowledge. But how is this combined in BDSM? Knowledge and experience, what is most important to me.

For me, a submissive’s experience level with BDSM and submission is almost always irrelevant. Honestly, I generally prefer a submissive with less experience than one who may be more ‘a finsihed sub”. There’s a good reason for this, which I will get to in a moment.
I’m obviously posed the question; Does Experience Matter? often by submissives. Probably due to my extensive experience with being a Dominant and the intimidation that can often come with that to a submissive who may not have the same level of experience or, who is new to the lifestyle. Which is fine, as I am never looking for most but rather, the few.
So, why do I often prefer a submissive with less experience? The answer to this is quite simple – their ability to be molded.
Through my exchanges, I have come to find that an experienced submissive has generally developed habits and/or interests that are based upon and reflect their previous Dominants. Obviously, these are not my interests or habits, thus I do not have a desire to break or correct the habits imposed by another.
To engage with a submissive who holds less experience allows for me to possess a greater ability to lead them where I wish for them to be and not where someone else has led and left them.
It goes like this, I prefer for a submissive to be a blank canvas. Someone who is aware of their desire to serve, yet, they haven’t been molded into someone else’s vision and for the intimidation of my experience to be a catalyst in furthering my Dominance, control, and power over them.
It’s never about what she’s actually done, but what she’s willing to do. Her ability to submit how I desire.
Does experience matter? To me, no. However, that goes without saying that there are certain instances which I feel experience does matter or it may be important to evaluate.
For instance, if a submissive holds far greater experience over a Dominant, what will tend to happen is the submissive will end up ‘Topping From The Bottom’ which can ultimately undermine the entire purpose of a D/s relationship.
Also, a Dominant with less experience may run a greater risk of abusing His authority and role. He may also leave a submissive wanting and yearning for more. In this case, it may be wise for the Dominant to stick with a submissive of equal experience so that they may explore together at the same pace.
Likewise, a submissive should evaluate what levels of control they require from me as a Dominant as with experience, generally comes confidence – My Dominant confidence is my ability to lead her to submission and make her what I desires her to be.
Ultimately, as all things, it is a matter of preference and requirement. I require to start from square one, I seek her that I can develop how , I seek her that knows or at least belive that a 24/7 relationship will make her stonger and make her more hole.
I do not want a submissive that is over her developing fase.

Boundaries is a part of devolping and molding my submissive therefor I say that expirience is not that important thing I seek in a submissive, but still I always know that if she has expirence in beeing owned many Things has been tought her that makes the dynamic apear stronger and also often faster.

The boundaries

A Dominant/slave relationship isn’t something that can be described as static. While your partner may not change for years at a time, that doesn’t mean the level of your relationship has to stay the same. In fact, as you and your slave work together, it’s a good idea to push each other’s boundaries to see just how deep you can take the relationship and the power structure. As a Dominant, you want to spend some time working on pushing the boundaries of your slave in order to ensure they are continuously learning and growing in their role.
What are the Boundaries in Your Relationship?

Before you can begin pushing your slave, you need to sit down with them and talk about what the contract between you already states. This will help you both to see what you think are the boundaries, whether they need to be changed, etc. Ideally, your slave should create a list of things they want, a list of things they never want, and a list of things they eventually want to try. The things they eventually want to try is the list that will help you see what boundaries you want to push. Since the slave is not necessarily comfortable with these items right now, you will be pushing their edges and making them grow in their role as a slave. Using other commands you might use for other tasks, you can see how they perform when they aren’t sure what’s going to happen next

A New System of Dominance

Pushing boundaries can lead to a completely new system of dominance as well. For example, instead of being the domineering Dominant that barks orders, you might want to try being calmer and just more steady in the way you deliver tasks to your slave. While this might not seem like a way to push someone’s boundaries, if you change the way you act with your slave, they will not necessarily know what you are up to – which can make them more on edge than they have been in a while.
Or you might simply want to change the way you interact with your slave in a scene. You might ask for your slave’s trust as you push boundaries as you see fit, allowing them the chance to tell you to slow down or to stop if things get out of hand.
You want to push the boundaries of your slave because that’s the best way to see just how hard they can work and how much they can learn. No one wants to learn the same things again and again, so you need to make sure there’s always something new around the corner.

The need

I believe at times we all have contradictions that that run through our head. This is especially true within this lifestyle of BDSM, D/s, Ms, etc… Any of you that have followed me for any length of time know that I have written about the contradictions that lie within submission. There is the internal battle many times of what seems right versus what a submission wants, needs, or craves. It can be hard to accept these things and come to terms with our desires for these seemingly inappropriate acts and treatment. In today’s society, it can even seem very wrong to even want to submit and give power and authority over to another person, regardless of the acts that may play out. Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret… this can be hard for me as a Dominant as well.

When I take the time to look at some of things that I enjoy about being Dominant, and the aspects of this lifestyle that I enjoy (the not so gentle or nice aspects), and compare that to what is considered socially acceptable, it can stop me in my tracks. In fact, in some circles I potentially could be clinically determined to be a sexual deviant and be need to be on the registered sexual offender list. I could be one of those people that has to carry that stigma and has everyone look at him as though I am an outcast. Why don’t we just go ahead and take me to the town square and hang me for all to see and rid our community of such atrocity.

I see scenes of seemingly rough forced sex and I like it. I see scenes of whipping and I love the pretty  stripes left across the submissives ass. I see various acts of pain inflicted and I want to do those things myself. I want to make my slave moan and scream and beg, and then make her take even more. I want to make her choke on my manhood, only to let her breathe and then do it again. I see pictures of women in of cages and think “Hmmm… I have one of those!” I think about spanking her pussy and hurting her nipples and want to subject her to it over and over. I want to give myself into her repeatedly so that it hurts her and she screams, and I won’t stop until she’s a foggy mess of a blob that can’t even function. All to exert my Dominance, fulfill our own needs, and show her how she is owned and at my mercy .

Here lies the contradiction. At the same time, I love and care for my slave. I want to go places and do things with her. I want to hold her hand. I want to spoon with her as we sleep. I want to caress and care for her. I want to gently kiss her on the forehead. I want to have her head in my lap and stroke her hair and cheek as we watch television. I want to laugh with her, and pick at each other in fun. I want to defend her when she is threatened, and throw myself in front of any danger she might face. I want to shield her from anything harm that may come her way.

How can I be this way? How can I want to hurt her in one breath and protect her from pain in another? How can I want to subject her to such apparently cruel acts, but then want to protect her ?

How? I’ll tell you how! Because it’s part of who I am as a man and a Dominant, and also what my slave needs and craves from me. It’s part of the dynamic we have together, each knowing our roles and place with the other. Each of us, in actuality, feeding off the other to be this way to meet our owns needs as well as fulfill the needs of each other. Am I like this with everyone? Absolutely not! The key to it all is consent. I have no desire to do these things with someone that does not want and need it. That doesn’t turn me on one bit. I am secure in the Dominant I am and the things I desire and need as a Dominant. For this to work for me, I need a willing partner. I need someone that wants this from me, and even pushes me to do more and go further with this side of myself. I need consent as well as a mental and emotional connection to be this way with someone. This is not about taking what I want from just anyone. It’s about being that way with and for my slave because she needs that from me, and it allows me to be able to be my true self.

I may be a walking contradiction in many ways, but I’m ok with that. I’m good with the person I am and have uncovered. I won’t lie to you, it’s not always easy, but that’s ok as well. The struggles make the triumphs worthwhile. For me, the benefits far outweigh the downsides.

The Owner and the slave

The purest part of BDSM is a Owner and my slave.
Though it is also the role within BDSM thats hardest to fulfill both from a Owner perspective and also for the slave.
In a idealistic world a slave would be free from all aspects of responsibility.

I know is this is more of a fantasy and fiction , then a posibility now a days.
A 24/7 slave has normaly her own obligasions, friends, Family and hers duties in a “Vanilla- world”.
Im sure that so many have made the mistakes of trying to fulfill and chase this “dream” of a relationship and then really crashed and burned.
If you chase a dream of a relationship most likely it would end up just as a nightmare.

The first thing I have to pinpoint is beeing a slave is not for everybody, and far from any Dominant can have a responsibility for a slave.
I would say that its acctualy a real danger for a slave giving away all the Power to a Dominant who is not concious for his role as a Owner of a slave.
This is the highest form for Dominanse, and absolutly the higest form for responsibility for me as a Owner and Domiant.
And its also the highest form for submission for a woman to be a slave ( you did read the highest) far from the lowest !
Thats the first point for me as a Domiant and Owner, owning a slave is the highest value of BDSM.

So then i would like to focus on what I se as a slaves Place.
What is a slave’s place? Where does she belong in the relationship?
The simple truth is that a slave gets all her protection and guiding from me as a Owner.
And I mean that if one is truly committed to living Owner/slave, it is crucial to understand this basic premise.

Owner/slave is all about the exchange of power. It is the fundamental part of this way of life. The power breakdown is what makes Owner/slave different from the traditional forms of relationships. In fact, with such complete exchange of power, Owner/slave differs greatly from a D/s relationship, because of the fully responsibility I have for a slave ( yes, I remember what I just wrote about the slaves Vanilla-world duties)
But when the slave is Owned all other aspects of her life is my Responsiblity. ( part from the Vanilla duties.)

I honestly believe few are cut out for Owner/slave relationship. I see many, especially online, claim to be slaves. At the same time, I see some of these same people writing blogs “informing” others what life as a slave is all about. Sadly, this is misleading since they no more qualify as slaves than I do.

At the core of the Owner/slave relationship is the total exchange of power. It is absolute, complete, and final. This is not something that is subject to interpretation. A slave gives all her power over to her Owner. Any power retained by her  is granted by me the Owner. It is that simple.
Therefor it is so important to listen to the slave from the start and keep listining to the slave at all times, but at the end of the day it is my responsibility to have total Control and protect the slave in any situastion.
Why listen to a slave you might be asking ? ?
Well here is also one of the biggest difference from reality and fiction.
In reality there is no way I can take full controll of a slave without knowing her, knowing her core, her values, her way of thinking…
Therefor I listen, but I make the decisions.
When I as a Owner have heard my slaves opinion I will take the right choise for my slave.
Many would now say : “hey, you never listen to a slave”
Well in Movies and fiction they dont, in real life I do !

In the core of a slaves heart and purpose a slave is a Owners property.
Thats is not up for debate nor descutions.
Beeing a slave is to make my life full as a Owner and therefor make it easier for me as a Owner, not more difficult.
It is her place to available to him when I decides I wants her. Not only for sex, but for my enjoyment.
Do this mean that I want a slave to clean and Cook while I am watching TV ?
Hell no, this means that my slave at all times know her purpose.
I do not want my slave to be a housemaid, I want my slave to be happy and devlop more and deeper into her role.
I dont know about anybody who has developed by cleaning the dishes.
But I need a slave who is naked at my side when I tell her, I need a slave that responds to my commands,  I need a slave that does her tasks at the best performance she can do, and I need a slave that is confident and are learning more about her self then in any other relationship.


One of the hardest parts With owning a slave is this is about the slave serving me, at her interest.
Read that scentence over a few times.
The hardest part for me as a owner is to protect her needs and interest.
This is the hardest part of Owning a slave.
Not for the slave, but for me as a Owner !
My choises has to be tought thru and be in the best interest for the slave to best serve me as her Owner. ( here is where I Guess over 80% fail) because if I as a Owner stops having my slaves interest at heart, I can never own a slave.
This is not about a slave’s wishes. I considers them, I make a choice. in the slaves best interest ! ( yes I know im repating myself , but this is so important for both a slave and any other Owners to read )
I am under no obligation to do what a slave wants me to do, but it is my obligation to listen to my slave ( see the difference? )

“A slave is a slave. know your Place”. I have read sometimes for many years ago somewhere….
Well I concure that actual statement, but I`ll rather say:
A slave is just as good as I as a Owner am for my slave.
Owner/slave is about service and taking the biggest responsibility as a Owner for a slave do grow and develop.

I write this with the intention of helping people open their eyes to this way of life. A true Owner will look after his slave to ensure their safety, peace and happiness.
However, there are times when I makes choices that are in direct opposition to what a slave wants. It is at this point that a slave needs to remember her place and that she is under her Owners Control and that the trust is above anything that is “normal” in a relationship.
Making good choises for a slave is the hardest part of Owning a slave.
This is for the extreme but for those who can handle it, it is the highest form of a relationship and makes both the slave and I as a Owner grow extremely close.
It may take years to reach this goal, but when you are in a Owner/slave relationship all the work to getting to the finish line is more then a journey….It is Beyond and deeper then any relationship.



Blog at

Up ↑