The art of no safeword

No safeword ?! Are you crazy !
Well I have heard it all before, so many submissive`s and also Domiants I have talked about this topic has reacted just in the manner most likely you do, when you are reading the start of this blog.
Safeword have been a keyword in BDSM so much that even outside the kink world have heard of them.
I got a qustion today : ” I fear if there is not a safeword it might go wrong and the trust might be broken forever”
I replied that I agree in the statment if the Dominant is not expirienced it might go very wrong and this is much of the reasons why I don`t use safeword.
I as a Dominant need trust, I will correct myself I base my hole Dominans on trust, this trust I have been given will I protect and cherish as the most valauble gift any other person can give me.
A Dominant without trust is like a fish without water……Trust is essential.
And if trust is so essential for me , why in the world would i risk loosing it ?
Yes , it might be “easier” for some to have a safeword ( also as a Domiant) but my submissive would not know how highly I value the trust I have been given.
During a scene chemicals moves, trust is given, passion is building, power and empowerment is clear, together we become one and during the whole scene I must keep it safe.
A alternative to all of this above is a safeword that chrushes it all.
The key is be aibel to read my submissive in the scene, see how she is reacting, see and understand her bounderies and maybe most important Commuication !

We use so many words in our day-to-day relationships to communicate with our partner. We tell them how we feel, we tell them when we are sad and when we had a shitty day. We tell them when we feel like we have been wronged. Why should BDSM be any different? Why should we take all of that beautiful, complex language and reduce it down to one word. Safewords are a tool, and we are using them wrong.
Why  take all the communication and replace it  for instance with Red as a safeword Why should this singel word be better than all communication – verbal and no verbal ?
I have play using edge play. Where no doesn’t exactly mean no, and where the submissive offcourse are allowed to fight back and must communicate to me as a Domiant.
Removal of a few of words like: no  “red” and stop. dosen`t meen that I don`t understand the Words No and Stop , but I now have to more then understand them I have to read the situation and take communication to a higher state of understanding verbal and non-verbal.

You can practice BDSM without safewords. You can play and have no mean something. You can play with someone who will listen to you when you ask to be let down using more words than just ‘red’. The thought that when someone engages in BDSM all of the beautiful powerful communication more then just using simple Words it will accutaly be more safe, even binding me and my submissive even more and trust and respect is key in any situation of the scene.
“that is how everyone does it” makes me profoundly uncomfortable. Maybe it should make you uncomfortable too.

 

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The Pain

Pain can be a good thing.

Once the pain begins, the endorphins rush into the bloodstream – of both the one inflicting pain and the one receiving it. Pain is therefor creating a Whole special bond between me and my slave/sub.
The effect of giving pain to someone I resepct and honor is hard to set the right Words to.
Building up pain tolerance is a process is sometimes key, because I think building up pain tolerance is not just a slave/submissives job, in fact is quite the oppsite, I as a Dominant can toghether With my slave/submissive build pain tolerance, make her feel it hurts so good.

Let’s talk now about why it’s a good idea to build up your pain tolerance. First of all, when you have a longer pain tolerance, my slave/submissive can have longer session with me, which is always a good thing. I will be able to do more for/to her without she needing a break or I need to stop the scene for a pause and then have to start all over again in the ride of the endorphine rush. Also, the more pain tolerance she has, the more easily she will be able to slip into subspace, which is never a bad thing – that floaty feeling is something that every slave/ submissive wants, but needs to be ready their body for.
But not all slaves/submissives are created alike. Though some might consider thereself to be a masochist, that doesn’t mean pain is easy to take. For others , pain is so simple for them that they can’t wait for more. Depending on where you’re at, you as a submissive might need different strategies for training to take on more pain. A good place to begin is for me as a Dominant to come up with a target for the number of paddles, lashes, etc. that you should be able to take. Then, they I  just have to test you to see how close you are to that eventual goal. This way I can see just how close you are to getting you to the goal. And she can have a clear idea of how your progress can be measured – and how much more pain you need to learn to take.
The variation of the power I put in to the lashes, paddles is also important.
If I give 10 out of 10 all the time there is no room for any improvment.
I as a Dominant is responsible that inflicting pain and also training my slave/submissive to take more pain is mesurable.
Because if we masure our goals , than they are easy to understand.
And if it is possible to masure the pain, it is also possible to reward my slave/submissive.

To help encourage the pain process, rewards are always a good way to develop my slave/submissive to find the beauty in taking even more pain.

But where I as a Domiant gives rewards, there is also punishments.
Punishments is for my slave/submissive to understand if for instance  my slave/submissive in the middle of the scene walks away, turns, leave the room  during a scene where I are in the middel of the process of giving her the loving feeling of pain, This behavior is not acceptable and therefor must be punished.
As I have stated before, I only hurt those I love.
Therefor it is extremly important that my slave/submissive understand the purpose of reward and punishment.
I never seek and search for reasons to punish, I seek and search for the responsibility to develop my slave/ submissive.

Rewards might include orgasms and privileges for particularly good sessions, while punishments might be deprivation of orgasms and for instance inflicting pain where I know it stings the most.
In most cases, pain tolerance can be build up through slow and steady progression. This means that each time the pain is applied during a session, I might add more and push my slave/submissive further than she think we can go. With practice and persistence, the slave/submissive will eventually be able to take the pain and then they will be able to take more and more.
In the beginning, however, it might be difficult, so I  need to stop to rest for a bit to see if the slave/submissive can recover enough to start again during the same session
These pauses is not the same as aftercare by far, this is Natural pauses for her to feel how high she went on the scale of endorphins rush and for her to feel the adrenaline rush working thru out her body and mind.
I have stated before that pauses is maybe the most efficent tool to use in any situation With my slave/submissive.
Because its when the rain stops you can actualy feel that you`re wet. And just the same effect is it on endorphins and adrenaline rush….you feel it strongest and most sincere when the pain stops and there is a pause.
Pain tolerance is something I and my slave/submissive is building together, this is not me as a Domiant just hitting more and harder for that purpose alone.
This is the core of Development and rewarding my slave/submissive to Reach other Levels than she ever tought she would reach. This is the feeling I want to give my slave/submissive that exploration in pain is some of the most freeing feeling in the world.

The Experience

Knowledge is Power, experiences is what you do With Your knowledge. But how is this combined in BDSM? Knowledge and experience, what is most important to me.

For me, a submissive’s experience level with BDSM and submission is almost always irrelevant. Honestly, I generally prefer a submissive with less experience than one who may be more ‘a finsihed sub”. There’s a good reason for this, which I will get to in a moment.
I’m obviously posed the question; Does Experience Matter? often by submissives. Probably due to my extensive experience with being a Dominant and the intimidation that can often come with that to a submissive who may not have the same level of experience or, who is new to the lifestyle. Which is fine, as I am never looking for most but rather, the few.
So, why do I often prefer a submissive with less experience? The answer to this is quite simple – their ability to be molded.
Through my exchanges, I have come to find that an experienced submissive has generally developed habits and/or interests that are based upon and reflect their previous Dominants. Obviously, these are not my interests or habits, thus I do not have a desire to break or correct the habits imposed by another.
To engage with a submissive who holds less experience allows for me to possess a greater ability to lead them where I wish for them to be and not where someone else has led and left them.
It goes like this, I prefer for a submissive to be a blank canvas. Someone who is aware of their desire to serve, yet, they haven’t been molded into someone else’s vision and for the intimidation of my experience to be a catalyst in furthering my Dominance, control, and power over them.
It’s never about what she’s actually done, but what she’s willing to do. Her ability to submit how I desire.
Does experience matter? To me, no. However, that goes without saying that there are certain instances which I feel experience does matter or it may be important to evaluate.
For instance, if a submissive holds far greater experience over a Dominant, what will tend to happen is the submissive will end up ‘Topping From The Bottom’ which can ultimately undermine the entire purpose of a D/s relationship.
Also, a Dominant with less experience may run a greater risk of abusing His authority and role. He may also leave a submissive wanting and yearning for more. In this case, it may be wise for the Dominant to stick with a submissive of equal experience so that they may explore together at the same pace.
Likewise, a submissive should evaluate what levels of control they require from me as a Dominant as with experience, generally comes confidence – My Dominant confidence is my ability to lead her to submission and make her what I desires her to be.
Ultimately, as all things, it is a matter of preference and requirement. I require to start from square one, I seek her that I can develop how , I seek her that knows or at least belive that a 24/7 relationship will make her stonger and make her more hole.
I do not want a submissive that is over her developing fase.

Boundaries is a part of devolping and molding my submissive therefor I say that expirience is not that important thing I seek in a submissive, but still I always know that if she has expirence in beeing owned many Things has been tought her that makes the dynamic apear stronger and also often faster.

The secret

Anyone can cause pain and create marks on someone else. Anyone can be aggressive and controlling. Anyone can spend a little time in a scene with someone and push their limits. The pain will go away. The bruises will go away. The marks will eventually fade and go away. As a Dominant, it’s the way you treat your submissive outside of these times that will stay with her and will last.

Here in Norway there is a book by a famous hotell owner by the title :
“Let me tell you my secret”
With no comparison , I want to tell my Secret to you.
The Secret of how I mean the cirkle of dominans is working and what I as a Dominant need to know and do.
Everytime I do this I get alot of mail from other “dominants” saying: ” who the hell are you to tell me anyting about whats right in domination”
Before you “dominante” start sending me those emails , I`ll tell you once again this is MY toughts, this is MY Secret as a Dominant and this is how I solve things…
Is this a copypaste for all Dominant`s outhere? NO!

The first part of beeing sucsessfull in a BDSM relationship I as a Dominant have to give my submissive care and support throughout their relationship. I have  to offer reassurance and encouragement. I need to make her feel appreciated for her submission, what she is willing to endure for me, and even as the woman she is in being to me as her partner. This is not something that is only part of a scene together. It has to be part of the entire relationship, every single day. It is this being there for her, and helping support her in being who she is for me, that will last and stick in her mind. It is treatening her like she is important part of my life and that I care that will stay with her most.

It never ceases to amaze me how so many “dominants” think being Dominant is just about the scene, using her sexually, or making her suffer pain. They just want the action and fun and then are on their way. They don’t understand aftercare and the importance of it. They don’t understand continual ongoing care and the importance of it. They don’t understand that it’s the time between your scenes that are most important. This time is what helps her process what happened, gives her constant reassurance, and makes her want and need more from you. And I would like to repeat….

The time between your scenes that are the most important.

A Dominant cannot just be part of the scene and then disappear or not put forth any effort. It’s this effort that solidifies and reinforces who she is and what she gives. She cannot be left floundering on her own to deal with everything. Me as a Dominant, I have asked for her submission and she has given it to me, so I have to be willing and able to take her on. Her submission is not just about the actual physical acts, but helping her learn and grow in addition to that as well. If left to herself she will not be getting what she needs from you. She will withdraw. She will lose trust in me as her Dominant. She will lose respect for me as her Dominant. Ultimately this will mean you lose her submission to you. Once this happens, it will be very difficult to regain, if not impossible.

A power exchange relationship, of whatever dynamic you choose, is a constant ongoing process and exchange. It’s not just for the fun aspects and when it’s convenient. When you invest yourself and your time into your partner, you can find more than you ever dreamed and get more from your partner than you ever knew you could have.
I Call this the cirkle of BDSM.

If you don’t give the time and effort, you are doomed to fail. She is worth and deserves that effort from me as her Dominant. Don’t be that guy that just uses her for your own enjoyment and pushes her aside. Be the Dominant she needs all the time. I promise you will get more in return than you ever imagined, and it will continue to only get better.

From personal experience, I can tell you that no woman, no matter what or how you try to explain to her, can grasp how her emotions will become involved. How her need will grow. How this will become an addiction for her. She has no way to know. She has no reference point as of now. I can drill into a sub how intense this can be. How emotional it will become. But until she is actually there and feeling it, she really can’t know and understand.

She will be required, with me anyway, to be completely open and honest at all times. She will be required to open herself and her inner thoughts to me like she never has to anyone before in her life. She will be faced with being vulnerable like never before. In many women this will strike fear. Fear of having to be that open. Fear of having to share such a dark side of her newly discovered self. Fear of being hurt by being so open. There is no hiding and no holding back. Many times she has been hurt in the past, and has withdrawn and put up so many barriers that it takes an entire demolition crew to begin to knock down those walls. This can be a very emotional time for her. She wants this and needs this, but is scared to death at the same time, as she is introduced more and more to this life by discussions, pictures, assignments, and so on.

This is where having the right Dominant is so important. It is at this very moment that her entire submissiveness swings in the balance. This can become the best thing ever, or it can become the nightmare she so greatly fears. Who holds the key to which way it will swing? I, the Dominant, does. It is up to me to guide her through this jungle of emotions. It is up to me to support her, do all I can to make her feel safe, and to show her I care. That I’m not just here to use her and do all these naughty things to her and treat her like trash. Although, this may be what she believes by all she has seen and read on the internet. I’m here to help support and hold her up. I’m here to lead her down this path, help her face her fears, and see that I mean what I say and I am who I say I am. That I’m not here to tear her down, but to build her up. It is through this support and care that she will begin to believe that I am truly here for her. That I really do want to help her be who she needs to be, and in a loving and caring manner. That I don’t want to change her, but want to open her up and help her spread her wings to be who she already is.

This blog could offcourse gone on forever, but to summit up I made this list:

  • Care and support Your submissive.
  • Always appreciat the submission she is giving to you.
  • The time between the scenes are most important.
  • Aknowledge Your responsibilites for Your submissive.
  • Learn about all the feelings that is at play in a BDSM relationship.
  • Dont try to change her, Develop her.
  • Never tie her down, but focus on letting her be free.
  • Be the gardian Man she needs and want.

My expirience is that if you follow this steps as a start……..You will start the Journey of building the cirkle that BDSM is all about.

The game

For me it’s fairly easy to break BDSM into two main categories. First, there are those that just like the kink and the role play, which I call kinksters. It may just be sexually or from time to time for fun or as a way to spice things up. The second is those that Domination and submission is is a deep part of who they are and something they need in their life. It transcends just play and kink and is some they need to feel complete and whole. It’s a way of life. I, without a doubt, fall into the second group. It’s a part of me and what I need to have as a part of a relationship. It’s part of who I am. There is nothing wrong with being a kinkster, so don’t get me wrong. Either is fine as long as it works for the person engaged in it. You have to find what fits and is right for you. But just for play or a role…not for me.

Whenever I see problems within this lifestyle, one way or another it seems to come back to the difference in these two categories, or at least many times it does. And when people are new to this, especially Dominants, or those claiming to be Dominants, this is the part they just don’t get…not yet anyway. This doesn’t mean they can’t learn and that most don’t want to learn, but they aren’t there yet. These Dominants jump right in when they see this and think it looks fun. They think it would be great to have a woman be at his pleasure.

Many submissive women, on the other hand, come into this with a deeper understanding initially of who they are and what they need. They have looked at this for a long time before taking steps towards this lifestyle. They know it’s a part of who they are and what they need. They have likely battled within themselves as to whether they can or really want to do this. Or whether they feel it’s even right and ok to do this. They may be very scared and vulnerable but know they need a Dominant Man in their life to be accountable to and to have oversee them.

This is the difference between the categories…one seeing it as fun and play, at least initially, while the other
sees it as a way of being and needing the depth of it. This tends to lead to a lot of potential issues that neither is aware of, prepared to face, or even knows exists. This is where I see the problems arise and where things can go so very wrong.
Most Dominants don’t start out know just how deep and what a responsibility being Dominant really can be. He doesn’t realize just how much the submissive will rely on him and need him. A majority of what she needs from him will come outside of their scenes or play. It’s before during and after the scene that she needs the care, support, and reassurance from her Dominant. The Dom has to realize that he is responsible for, and that the sub is looking for, her mental and emotional well being. He has to realize and understand that the actual play only lasts a short time, but the support and care she needs lasts throughout the entire relationship, day in and day out. The Dominant should never jeopardize the subs physical, emotional, or mental health and well being just because he wants to have fun, and have her get him off. If you aren’t prepared and expecting to deal with ALL parts of the submissive, you shouldn’t be wanting to deal with just the physical apsects. The exception to this is if both people are completely open, up front, and share their position and expectations and are in total agreement.

I am just looking at this from my own point of view, and where I am coming from as a Dominant that sees this as part of who he is. Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with just enjoying the play aspects of BDSM, and there are many people that do. Yet, I believe it’s vitally important for those involved to be open about how they see this and what they expect from it. Is it just fund and play, or is it a dynamic within a relationship that you are seeking? If it’s the relationship, then you have to be wiling to learn, and study and give more than you may have ever given…and in this I am speaking to the Dominant. Be ready, willing, and able to care for your submissive, inside and out. If you aren’t willing to put that much time and effort into the relationship then you need to be wiling to take a step back and look at the bigger picture…the submissive’s overall mental, emotional and physical health and well being. She is putting all that in your hands, so you better be willing and able to handle all that involves.

The boundaries

A Dominant/slave relationship isn’t something that can be described as static. While your partner may not change for years at a time, that doesn’t mean the level of your relationship has to stay the same. In fact, as you and your slave work together, it’s a good idea to push each other’s boundaries to see just how deep you can take the relationship and the power structure. As a Dominant, you want to spend some time working on pushing the boundaries of your slave in order to ensure they are continuously learning and growing in their role.
What are the Boundaries in Your Relationship?

Before you can begin pushing your slave, you need to sit down with them and talk about what the contract between you already states. This will help you both to see what you think are the boundaries, whether they need to be changed, etc. Ideally, your slave should create a list of things they want, a list of things they never want, and a list of things they eventually want to try. The things they eventually want to try is the list that will help you see what boundaries you want to push. Since the slave is not necessarily comfortable with these items right now, you will be pushing their edges and making them grow in their role as a slave. Using other commands you might use for other tasks, you can see how they perform when they aren’t sure what’s going to happen next

A New System of Dominance

Pushing boundaries can lead to a completely new system of dominance as well. For example, instead of being the domineering Dominant that barks orders, you might want to try being calmer and just more steady in the way you deliver tasks to your slave. While this might not seem like a way to push someone’s boundaries, if you change the way you act with your slave, they will not necessarily know what you are up to – which can make them more on edge than they have been in a while.
Or you might simply want to change the way you interact with your slave in a scene. You might ask for your slave’s trust as you push boundaries as you see fit, allowing them the chance to tell you to slow down or to stop if things get out of hand.
You want to push the boundaries of your slave because that’s the best way to see just how hard they can work and how much they can learn. No one wants to learn the same things again and again, so you need to make sure there’s always something new around the corner.

The need

I believe at times we all have contradictions that that run through our head. This is especially true within this lifestyle of BDSM, D/s, Ms, etc… Any of you that have followed me for any length of time know that I have written about the contradictions that lie within submission. There is the internal battle many times of what seems right versus what a submission wants, needs, or craves. It can be hard to accept these things and come to terms with our desires for these seemingly inappropriate acts and treatment. In today’s society, it can even seem very wrong to even want to submit and give power and authority over to another person, regardless of the acts that may play out. Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret… this can be hard for me as a Dominant as well.

When I take the time to look at some of things that I enjoy about being Dominant, and the aspects of this lifestyle that I enjoy (the not so gentle or nice aspects), and compare that to what is considered socially acceptable, it can stop me in my tracks. In fact, in some circles I potentially could be clinically determined to be a sexual deviant and be need to be on the registered sexual offender list. I could be one of those people that has to carry that stigma and has everyone look at him as though I am an outcast. Why don’t we just go ahead and take me to the town square and hang me for all to see and rid our community of such atrocity.

I see scenes of seemingly rough forced sex and I like it. I see scenes of whipping and I love the pretty  stripes left across the submissives ass. I see various acts of pain inflicted and I want to do those things myself. I want to make my slave moan and scream and beg, and then make her take even more. I want to make her choke on my manhood, only to let her breathe and then do it again. I see pictures of women in of cages and think “Hmmm… I have one of those!” I think about spanking her pussy and hurting her nipples and want to subject her to it over and over. I want to give myself into her repeatedly so that it hurts her and she screams, and I won’t stop until she’s a foggy mess of a blob that can’t even function. All to exert my Dominance, fulfill our own needs, and show her how she is owned and at my mercy .

Here lies the contradiction. At the same time, I love and care for my slave. I want to go places and do things with her. I want to hold her hand. I want to spoon with her as we sleep. I want to caress and care for her. I want to gently kiss her on the forehead. I want to have her head in my lap and stroke her hair and cheek as we watch television. I want to laugh with her, and pick at each other in fun. I want to defend her when she is threatened, and throw myself in front of any danger she might face. I want to shield her from anything harm that may come her way.

How can I be this way? How can I want to hurt her in one breath and protect her from pain in another? How can I want to subject her to such apparently cruel acts, but then want to protect her ?

How? I’ll tell you how! Because it’s part of who I am as a man and a Dominant, and also what my slave needs and craves from me. It’s part of the dynamic we have together, each knowing our roles and place with the other. Each of us, in actuality, feeding off the other to be this way to meet our owns needs as well as fulfill the needs of each other. Am I like this with everyone? Absolutely not! The key to it all is consent. I have no desire to do these things with someone that does not want and need it. That doesn’t turn me on one bit. I am secure in the Dominant I am and the things I desire and need as a Dominant. For this to work for me, I need a willing partner. I need someone that wants this from me, and even pushes me to do more and go further with this side of myself. I need consent as well as a mental and emotional connection to be this way with someone. This is not about taking what I want from just anyone. It’s about being that way with and for my slave because she needs that from me, and it allows me to be able to be my true self.

I may be a walking contradiction in many ways, but I’m ok with that. I’m good with the person I am and have uncovered. I won’t lie to you, it’s not always easy, but that’s ok as well. The struggles make the triumphs worthwhile. For me, the benefits far outweigh the downsides.

The Failure

It`s been some time since I blogged, so much has been going on in my life during this summer.
And as I always stress, BDSM is part of my life and not a lifestyle , therefore I have`nt made time for blogging.
Anyhow, thanks for all mail and feedback on my blog I read all mail I recive and you also know that im replay each one of you.
The feedback from all is really highly appreciated.

I have a job and a life thats built around alot of responsibility and I have also blogged about that a Dominant crave , like and need this extra trait.
I bear not only their own personal responsibility to be of good conduct, but also culturing that sense of responsibility in my submissives and my households. Be it full-time or part-time, it would be irresponsible, and therefore immoral if were we to demand obedience to commands that would do harm to my submissives or their responsibilities (children, parents, job, etc). It is a line that must be walked between the responsibilities… of lives touched and desires. Impulse control, self restraint, and “the long term view” are marks of responsible ownership. Such responsibility cannot be “passed down” to your submissive and absolve the dominant of responsibility either.

Yes, you have your responsibilities…and so do I.

Therefor everyday life can and most likely will intervene With a BDSM lifestyle and the other way around.

As a Dominant, I am responsible for doing all I can to foster a healthy relationship. The submissive must do all they can as well. It is shared…no one is excused.

BDSM is togetherness , BDSM is us, never me, BDSM is two who finding there singel needs melt togheter in a common hope for building something strong and lasting and finding common ground to built something.
I have sadly so often expirenced that if I as a Dominant make a mistake or find it hard to Balance all the responsibility, only to expirience that a submissive redrawn from all responsibility and just pointing fingers.
This is extra frustrating for me as a Domiant , because I build my Domination upon devolping and therefor also offcourse and naturally accept failure.
Failure is not only something a submissive can expirience, YES we Dominant also have all the human-traits and as we all know, failure is a part of Learning before I do it right.

The Feelings

When starting out in D/s, there are many things, situations and activities that are discussed.  Talking can only take you so far.  For so many aspects of D/s, you really can’t get a grasp of it totally until you have actually experienced it.  The feelings involved are definitely one of those aspects. I can discuss this With my submissive, about how intense feelings can become.  About how intense being together in this manor can be.  About how when things perfectly line up, and you find the “one” for you, how intense the feelings for each other can be.  Until they begin to actually experience it, and get away from just talking about it, it is very hard for a submissive to really comprehend how it will be.
Some may have never been in a position to have feelings like this before.  They may have never allowed themselves to be open enough to feel like this before.  Maybe they have wanted it, but they have never found the right person to be able to give them what they really need, enabling them to open up and feel like this.  Whatever the case, once it happens, it is hard to prepare for it before you begin to have these intense feelings for your partner.  It can catch many people off guard.  In reality, it can be so different than anything they have felt before, that what they are feeling and experiencing in their mind scares the hell out of them.  They are afraid of what they are feeling and want to run and hide.  There is a sense of being too vulnerable.  There is a sense of being too exposed.  There is a sense of nothing good can come of this, and that the only possible ending to it is being hurt.  Most of the time this is because of past experience with a partner, or not having been through this before, and feeling so open that they just can’t deal with it.

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This is where trust and open communication become so vitally important.  It is a must to be able to talk this through with your partner.  I feel I have to show my sub that it is ok to feel this way. It is natural for these feelings to develop.  Most importantly, that I am in no way here to hurt you or cause you any psychological or emotional damage.  Trust is developed over time.  A person can’t demand it.  It is over time that you will see that my actions back up my words.  That I am here to care for you, protect you, and guide you to what is best for you.  It serves me no purpose to take you down a road of destruction.  I am here to show you the way to new and better things.  I am here to show you how great this can be.  I am here to help you see and feel things in a way you never thought you could, or even knew you could.

Most people that are afraid of what they are feeling do so because it is new, and they don’t understand it.  Yet, deep down they do like what they are feeling and know that it is something very special.  A door has been opened for them to a whole new world.  A world that maybe they have been searching for their entire lives.  We all get in our comfort zone, and can be afraid to step out of it.  But, only in stepping out of it and into new territory can we grow and progress.  If you stand still, you can’t move forward…you become static…and you will never go anywhere other than where you are right now.  Is that what you really want?  Is that what you really want to settle for being?  I don’t think so!  I think a sub wants to be able to step through that door and have what is waiting on the other side.  With some care, love and reassurance, she can see how great things can be.  That her fears may have been a bit over-thought.

It is hard to try and to look for something that may not exist, which would cause anyone to lose hope.  But when you do find it…when you find that special person and those special feelings…even if it is scary, aren’t you glad you have a guiding hand to hold onto to show you the way.  A hand that will protect you the best it can and be there for you.  One that wants nothing but to make this adventure the best it can be.  You may be frightened…scared…afraid…or even terrified.  I think the only thing worse than that is the thought of giving it up when it’s everything you have ever wanted.  Finding what you have always wanted and needed, only to give up and walk away because it seems scary to you?  To me that is more frightening than facing the feelings, accepting them, and taking a chance on a wonderful and beautiful relationship.

Don’t be afraid!  Here is my hand. Take it in yours!  Hold onto me and together we can face this journey.  Together we can make it everything we have ever wanted.  All you have to do is let me show you the way.  Let me show you that your trust in me is worth every once you have.  I won’t let you down!

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